Shaun-Dro Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I was out last night with a guy from the neighborhood who I haven't seen in years. The weather was the warmest all year so we decided to jump on the train and hit up Midtown Manhattan. While on the train, my friend started conversations with 2 young women in their 20s. I was stunned to see how easily he did this. He said something about their iPhone, got them to laugh and even landed 1 of their numbers all in about 10 minutes of talking . I pretended to not care and say nothing. We got off the train, brought up the basketball Playoffs and other sports while strolling the busy streets. But there was more to come. My friend hit on 10-15 other lads during our walk throughout the city, getting numbers from 4 of them. The others did not give out their numbers but they stopped and engaged in chitchat any way. Most of the women laughing at his comments, playing with their hair, and holding strong eye contact. I stayed on the sidelines and did nothing, but looked the other way, with an occasional glance at the action. Mind you, these were all attractive women in their 20s, ranging in numbers from 7-8 on the looks scale. I was beside myself with this because this is NYC. Women are supposed to be unapproachable from my experiences and many other men as well. After all was said and done, he asked me if I was alright. I said yea, sure. Then he laughed, put his arm around me and stated these words: "Man, you saw how I talk to them. It don't matter if you a good dude or not, it's the charm that gets her every time." My friend is a few years younger than me at 29, a few inches taller, about my build and average dressing style so it got me thinking if he's got points on this matter. I had no idea he was this good with women and it seems to just come so easily for him. Another thing. He talked with girls as we were passing. He never ran over to them like I see other guys do, or catcall them, etc. He would just stop them at the street light, in the store, in front of the movie theatre, in the train station, where ever. And most of the women weren't even given him hints of interest. This was strictly cold approach with sample topics used to get them talking, like with the iPhone, one about her jacket, one about trying to find a certain eating joint, whatever. It all worked! It looks so easy but then it looks so hard because women don't give much eye contact if any, but yet none of this deterred him . Ladies, gentleman, is this true? No matter your status as a man, whether you're a nice guy, a bad boy, or inbetween...it's all about the charm that gets you every time???
carhill Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Sure, that style has gained me plenty of female friends and acquaintances over the decades. I must appear 'safe' and unoffensive. Great for friendship but not too successful in the attraction department. The primary difference, if your friend is successful in the attraction department, is that he likely ramps up the romance/flirtation soon after scoring a number, where I get to know people before deciding/feeling I like them in that way. His likely style is more attractive to women, in general. So, perhaps, 'charm' is a blend of ease of familiarity and deliberate intent. Maybe your friend has the right blend
vsmini Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I was beside myself with this because this is NYC. Women are supposed to be unapproachable from my experiences and many other men as well. Are you a recent transplant or something? You name drop this city so much. And also make these bold generalizations about "NYC" women as if we're made up of different DNA or something. Charm has lots to do with it. Sounded like he had a good night. Making girls laugh is a huge sign he's doing well. Girls love a guy that can make them laugh. It also sounds like he's a confident guy and that speaks volumes for a girl as far as first impressions go.
Sweetheartt Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Whatever your friend's doing is obviously working so get a clue lol. I like it when guys, cute of course, that have the guts to come up to me and talk about anything to get my attention but only if they do it right. We cant stare at different guys as we walk around because then we be encouraging creeps & stuff and Im not doing that lol. I go shopping in NYC all the time w/ friends & we do get come-ons but rarely ones like what your friend did. Like I said get a CLUE!
samspade Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Your friend has confidence, tight game, and he understands something many men don't: It's a numbers game. Sounds like he is doing many approaches and getting maybe 10-20% return (as measure in phone numbers, anyway). This is good and you should learn from him. Women in NYC are extremely approachable. Perhaps because this city can be very lonely and tough. Yes, you should be charming, but don't go overboard with the compliments. Playful teasing and making them laugh is key. The worst that can happen is they ignore you. Is that so bad? Not at all. The more you approach, the less anxiety you will have in the future. Get off this site and get to work!
Lil1 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 If a guy comes off as too charming from the gate I don't trust them. It makes me think that he's just runing his game and that I am just another possible conquest. I honestly have never given my number out to some random guy that's asked me for it on the street or wherever. If I don't know you through a friend or some other acquaintance (or at least have seen you and checked you out a few times) then no matter how charming you are, all you will do for me is give me an ego boost but I won't take you seriously, hence I will not give you my number. I have to get to know you a little first before giving you any hope Carhill has it right in my book
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Are you a recent transplant or something? You name drop this city so much. And also make these bold generalizations about "NYC" women as if we're made up of different DNA or something. I think he hails from Miami. And he wants to be SURE we know he is in NYC now. For some reason.
vsmini Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I think he hails from Miami. And he wants to be SURE we know he is in NYC now. For some reason. Please - Manhattan sucks. I'm trying to get out! This chick requires a small town with a view! I will miss thee Shaun-Dro
Woggle Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 New York women are a lot more approachable than people give them credit for. If you go to the super rich yuppie areas they might give you an attitude but most of the women on the Lower East Side are as nice as can be.
vsmini Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Yea - NYC just means more of everything. So it can be a lot to get through. More nice girls, more bad girls, more "sluts", more gold-diggers, more weirdOs. Same for guys. The dating scene here is exhausting but there's lots of dating to be had! The guy I ended up with was another small-town fellow from my home-state. Us townies always find each other.
Woggle Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I'm sort of the opposite of you. I grew up a native New Yorker and moved to the Jersey Shore. I ended up finding a woman here that grew up on the west. There are times when I miss NY but it is not what it used to be.
Author Shaun-Dro Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Your friend has confidence, tight game, and he understands something many men don't: It's a numbers game. Sounds like he is doing many approaches and getting maybe 10-20% return (as measure in phone numbers, anyway). This is good and you should learn from him. Women in NYC are extremely approachable. Perhaps because this city can be very lonely and tough. Yes, you should be charming, but don't go overboard with the compliments. Playful teasing and making them laugh is key. The worst that can happen is they ignore you. Is that so bad? Not at all. The more you approach, the less anxiety you will have in the future. Get off this site and get to work! See, the problem is that I made a pact with myself that I'm going to stay single for the rest of the time and do no more approaching . I'm not that happy with this decision but in NYC the women do not give off the vibe of wanting to be approached. Maybe it's because they see me and suddenly decide to put up a wall? Another thing is that I'm a serious guy. I have a sense of humor but not on the spot humor like my friend does to make that difference. What ever happened to "just be yourself"? My uncle used to tell me this all the time when growing up. Why should I have to resort to phony "charm" to attract women? This seems confined to NY and other similar states, in my opinion.
Author Shaun-Dro Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Please - Manhattan sucks. I'm trying to get out! This chick requires a small town with a view! I will miss thee Shaun-Dro You darn right it sucks here. Manhattan isn't what it used to be. It really is changing and not for the better. The thing is, I used to have no problem approaching women but honestly, they're too skeptical. That's the part that always annoyed me. They keep trying to question my intentions instead of going with the flow. And this thing with only getting to know a guy through a friend is wrong! I have plenty of problems with that concept. For one: everyone's a stranger at first so please understand that. Two: it makes life much more difficult when it doesn't need to be, because all you have to do, ladies, is give the guy a shot that you find attractive but do it safely, as in public meetings, the movies, hanging out in public in the day, etc. I'm all for it. I never used to look for immediate hookups. I always used to want to get to know a woman first, but just couldn't get a break, because of these walls you women have built all around you, when it's not really necessary, because there are ways to still be safe, smart, while also giving a man a chance to show himself to you. I'm sure this reasoning has been rehearsed countless times over the years but most women have a difficult time getting it throught their skulls .
Lil1 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 And this thing with only getting to know a guy through a friend is wrong! I have plenty of problems with that concept. For one: everyone's a stranger at first so please understand that. Two: it makes life much more difficult when it doesn't need to be, because all you have to do, ladies, is give the guy a shot that you find attractive but do it safely, as in public meetings, the movies, hanging out in public in the day, etc. I'm all for it. I never used to look for immediate hookups. I always used to want to get to know a woman first, but just couldn't get a break, because of these walls you women have built all around you, when it's not really necessary, because there are ways to still be safe, smart, while also giving a man a chance to show himself to you. I'm sure this reasoning has been rehearsed countless times over the years but most women have a difficult time getting it throught their skulls . I'm only speaking from my own perspective here (not speaking on behalf of my gender as a whole!), but for me it's not a matter of putting up walls. I consider myself a very open, easy-going person and I will give you the time of day if you approach me correctly. In my experience I have always found that if a guy can take his time to know me a little first before asking me for my number right away then there's a better chance that we will hit it off. The reason for this is that when guys ask for my number right away I interpret it as he just wants to bang me. I mean, your friend is playing a numbers game right, nothing wrong with that...but I have no interest in being just another number to some dude I just met on the street or at the park. If I did give my number to such a guy he would just get bored and move on to his next number once he realized I'm not just an easy lay. I guess it just boils down to what you are looking for. If you want an immediate hook up then your friend's method will give you results. If you are looking for a good girl you can be in a relationship with then take your time to get to know her a little before jumping to the "I wanna bang you give me your number so we can do it" stage.
irc333 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Sure, that style has gained me plenty of female friends and acquaintances over the decades. I must appear 'safe' and unoffensive. Great for friendship but not too successful in the attraction department. The primary difference, if your friend is successful in the attraction department, is that he likely ramps up the romance/flirtation soon after scoring a number, where I get to know people before deciding/feeling I like them in that way. His likely style is more attractive to women, in general. So, perhaps, 'charm' is a blend of ease of familiarity and deliberate intent. Maybe your friend has the right blend Carhill, you sound exactly like me, I've done this, and you'd be suprised how women like being in my presence ONLY if it's platonic. But as soon as I flirt or something, it's like they head for the hills, stop returning calls, stop being around me, in general. It just seems that I can't get away with certain flirts while others can.
carhill Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 as soon as I flirt or something, it's like they head for the hills, stop returning calls, stop being around me, in general.LOL, not only run for the hills but are often greatly offended. Ya know, the more input I get on this, I think they actually *feel* like the man in front of them is a woman and he is the girlfriend they've always wanted and, when that girlfriend flirts with them, it's like a lesbian (presuming they're hetero) is hitting on them . The more I ponder this, the more sense it makes. Obviously, this does not describe all or even most women, but it sure explains a lot of the behaviors I've experienced. It's like women are either wired intrinsically or socialized to respond in a predictable way to groping, sexual flirting and the like but they get lost when someone who has the genitalia to do that doesn't. The confused mind says 'no'. Like I mentioned in another thread, during a period when I was mad at my now exW and women in general and began to look at them from a more predatory perspective (my perception, relevant to the way I usually look at them), they responded like women 'normally' respond to a man, with more positive sexual interest. Interesting.
Author Shaun-Dro Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 I'm only speaking from my own perspective here (not speaking on behalf of my gender as a whole!), but for me it's not a matter of putting up walls. I consider myself a very open, easy-going person and I will give you the time of day if you approach me correctly. In my experience I have always found that if a guy can take his time to know me a little first before asking me for my number right away then there's a better chance that we will hit it off. The reason for this is that when guys ask for my number right away I interpret it as he just wants to bang me. I mean, your friend is playing a numbers game right, nothing wrong with that...but I have no interest in being just another number to some dude I just met on the street or at the park. If I did give my number to such a guy he would just get bored and move on to his next number once he realized I'm not just an easy lay. I guess it just boils down to what you are looking for. If you want an immediate hook up then your friend's method will give you results. If you are looking for a good girl you can be in a relationship with then take your time to get to know her a little before jumping to the "I wanna bang you give me your number so we can do it" stage. This is not the case with a guy like me, or wasn't the case since I'm holding off on approaching women right now, because of women just like you: assuming things before knowing the facts about the situation. You feel that by giving a guy your phone number he just wants to get laid if he asks right away? There's a simple solution to that: don't lay down with him right away! So, there you have it. Problem solved. If the guy walks off because you didn't wanna sleep with him in a short time period, he's no good for you and other women in your line of thinking. However, if the guy doesn't bother you with trying to get laid, enjoys your company with some kissing and stuff, then he deserves the benefit of the doubt, don't you agree? This was the problem I used to have with women that had turned me this way: they either wanna be swept off their feet with false charm like my friend, or they don't give you a shot at all if you approach them like a normal guy; she'll just be polite and then move on before you could even get to know her. This is a phenomenon right now. It wasn't this bad say 10-15 years ago in NYC. Gots to be a NY thing, don't care what anyone says. I feel it's seriously hindering the dating game, the ability for people to get to know each other, mate, hopefully get a family going, etc. Life is all about risks. Men have been taking risks all their lives, just like my friend does with you women, but you don't return it ever, but rather have things handed to you instead of sincerely going after what you want. Granted, I will admit you go after what ever job or career is out there, but when it comes to relationships or even the potential of one, women put this all on the man. Are you ever gonna evolve beyond this? I wouldn't make such a big deal if you had shut up with all that feminist garbage and embrace your place as who you're supposed to be. But you wanted to be equal to us so bad and to do EVERYTHING the man does, but refuse to compete in the approaching/dating game. This here is the biggest Triple-standard yet: wanting your cake and to eat it too, along with a bed to lie in.
TheLawmaker Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 It makes sense, carhill. I've often said that I'm a male lesbian. I am attracted to girls, but they view me the same as a gay guy. And if I make a move, suddenly I'm "creepy." Makes me wonder, if I got lots of plastic surgery and looked suddenly like Brad Pitt, maybe I'd be straight to these women?
Lil1 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 "This is not the case with a guy like me, or wasn't the case since I'm holding off on approaching women right now, because of women just like you: assuming things before knowing the facts about the situation." Shaun-Dro, no offense but you're making an ass out of yourself and me by assuming anything about me! And what is this crap about feminism and embracing 'my place'? I admit when I was younger I did give my number out to a few (maybe 3 or 4) guys that I had just met because they had good game, however experience has taught me that men who ask for my number immediately without knowing the first thing about me are only interested in one thing only from me. They want to hit it and quit it. Again, this has been MY EXPERIENCE, and no I did not sleep with any of these guys (as you so charmingly suggested). Truth is they ruined any chance of that when they came on to me too fast. I don't know... I guess I'm not explaining myself too clearly as to why I feel reservations about giving my number to some random dude that stops me on the street to ask me for it lol! Whatever, to each their own. Good luck on taking tips for how to get a girlfriend from your 'charmer' friend. But oh wait... you're not approaching women right now! LOL, so what is the point of this thread again?
Queen Zenobia Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 "This is not the case with a guy like me, or wasn't the case since I'm holding off on approaching women right now, because of women just like you: assuming things before knowing the facts about the situation." Shaun-Dro, no offense but you're making an ass out of yourself and me by assuming anything about me! And what is this crap about feminism and embracing 'my place'? I admit when I was younger I did give my number out to a few (maybe 3 or 4) guys that I had just met because they had good game, however experience has taught me that men who ask for my number immediately without knowing the first thing about me are only interested in one thing only from me. They want to hit it and quit it. Again, this has been MY EXPERIENCE, and no I did not sleep with any of these guys (as you so charmingly suggested). Truth is they ruined any chance of that when they came on to me too fast. I don't know... I guess I'm not explaining myself too clearly as to why I feel reservations about giving my number to some random dude that stops me on the street to ask me for it lol! Whatever, to each their own. Good luck on taking tips for how to get a girlfriend from your 'charmer' friend. But oh wait... you're not approaching women right now! LOL, so what is the point of this thread again? Perhaps he should ask for an email address instead...
nyc_guy2003 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Google Paul Janka. He wrote the book (literally) on how to pick up random hot chicks on the streets of Manhattan.
Author Shaun-Dro Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 "This is not the case with a guy like me, or wasn't the case since I'm holding off on approaching women right now, because of women just like you: assuming things before knowing the facts about the situation." Shaun-Dro, no offense but you're making an ass out of yourself and me by assuming anything about me! And what is this crap about feminism and embracing 'my place'? I admit when I was younger I did give my number out to a few (maybe 3 or 4) guys that I had just met because they had good game, however experience has taught me that men who ask for my number immediately without knowing the first thing about me are only interested in one thing only from me. They want to hit it and quit it. Again, this has been MY EXPERIENCE, and no I did not sleep with any of these guys (as you so charmingly suggested). Truth is they ruined any chance of that when they came on to me too fast. I don't know... I guess I'm not explaining myself too clearly as to why I feel reservations about giving my number to some random dude that stops me on the street to ask me for it lol! Whatever, to each their own. Good luck on taking tips for how to get a girlfriend from your 'charmer' friend. But oh wait... you're not approaching women right now! LOL, so what is the point of this thread again? Some men that ask for your number fast do it only because they may not see you again, and want the shot at perhaps getting to know you. Why else do you think they'd ask for it on the spot? Talking to you (and I address you personally because you are like lots of women here in NY) in the street or at the store or library won't go anywhere in 5-10 minutes. That is why we go for the number. News flash!!! It's up to you to set the dating game at your own safest pace that would protect you from being used sexually, before any real connection is established. And yes, you and the rest of these women don't know your places. You're out of order. That's why the dating and marriages have gone to hell: mostly because of you! Us men have only played a small part of that failure, but you're the biggest cause of it. Wanna know why? Of course you do. You picked the loser! There you go. Have you done better at picking the right one, instead trying to hit it off with false charmers like my friend what's his name, and give honest, decent men a genuine chance, the world would be a better place. And guys like me wouldn't have resorted to this way of viewing you as merely sex objects that can't evolve .
vsmini Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Have you done better at picking the right one, instead trying to hit it off with false charmers like my friend what's his name, and give honest, decent men a genuine chance, the world would be a better place. Honest and decent men get a chance all the time. You think honest and decent men are left for dead on NYC street corners or something? And guys like me wouldn't have resorted to this way of viewing you as merely sex objects that can't evolve Also - Nice and decent men don't go around blaming women for all their personal love problems. Seriously man, take some control of your life. According to that statement quoted above now women make you act a certain way? Also - last time I checked...nice guys don't view women as sex objects that can't evolve. So I guess we're ruling out you being a nice guy. Maybe that's the issue. You're a nice guy until you don't get your way with a woman and then it's foot-stomping, temper tantrum time! You have no idea how much your own argument just imploded on itself 5 times over.
Sanman Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Haha, yes this does work. I do it all the time. Though, it works better on the younger downtown girls and NYU crowd compared to more professional uptown crowd. It really isn't hard. The key here is throwing out a fun vibe and making women feel comfortable with you. Witty and disarming are best. See a girl window shopping? Stand next to her and say 'Yeah, I like that dress too, I just don't have the legs for it.' or something similar and have a little fun/flirt. Then tell her you are on you way somewhere and grab her number for coffee/drink. Now, sure a number and a meetup for a few drinks can lead to a hook up or sex, but only the ones that are attracted to you will date you. This is my problem. I can meet plenty of women, but never the right ones. The thing you have to remember is that only a fraction of these women will pick up their phones and even less are worth talking to for anything except sex.
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