vingklippt Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I'm from Scandinavia so I'm sorry if my english isn't perfect. I met my boyfriend (from ireland but lives and work in the same country as me) in the beginning of April in 2010. At that time i was really scared of relationships and i absoulutely did not want one! And I was going to Australia for 3-12 months to travel later on, this is something i've wanted to do for years but had to wait til i finished school (I'm 19 years old). He started to text me and call and wanted to hang out and it just felt so right. He was amazing! Smart, same humor, same music taste, so caring and kind! We went on til July just "seeing" eachother (almost every day) but allowed to see others and then one night in June he told me he loved me, and i loved him too! We still didn't want to be gf/bf though since I already had decided to leave for oz, and he was so nice and supportive, said he was proud of me for doing what i had planned. In early November we became a couple, we loved eachother too much. We had an amazing winter and we were so in love. He always told me how much i ment to him and how he wanted to be with me even after i got back. Then came the time when i had to book the tickets and get the visa sorted etc. I had already told everyone how i was going and my best friend was gonna go with me. I didn't want to leave, i wanted to do it later in life, i had time!! I had him, and i had a great job doing what i liked. But i was scared, i didn't want ppl to get dissapointed. So in the end of february i left. It was one of the hardest thing i've done, we loved eachother so much. We had decided not to be bf/gf cause none of us believe in long distance relationships. We still talked on the phone, on skype, texted, facebook chat/email. And he could write or call in the middle of the night telling me how much he loved me and missed me, asking if i wanted to be with him when i come back. Of course i did!! He's one in a million! When i had been in oz for maybe 2½ months i was talking to him on chat and i had just told him that i was coming home in 2-3weeks. He then said we had to talk about me coming home. "i've gotten real used to being by myself and i don't know how ready i'll be to get back into a relationship", "i don't want you to think i don't care, i just had to work hard to put up with being by myself and i guess i did a really good job of it.", "i don't want you out of my life, you mean a lot to me but right now i don't want to be in a relationship", "There's noone else, and if i would have a relationship with anyone it would be with you". It was one of the worst moments of my life, being on the other side of the world and being told that he doesn't want to get back together. I thought it was going to be ok, that he was scared, or maybe wanted me to feel a little guilty for leaving. He knew how sad i was and said he wanted me to tell him how its going on the last piece of the trip, to call him every 3rd day or so. I couldn't help it, I cried everytime we spoke. I didn't beg him to take me back or anything, i was just sad. And then i came home 2 weeks after, thursday the 2nd of june. And we had decided to meet up 3 days later when he was off work. All i wanted when i saw him was to throw myself in his arms and hold him, kiss him and tell him i loved him. I was so scared, we hugged and went to get coffe and sit down in a park. We had talked normal about what's been going on during the time apart and then i asked him i he wanted to talk at all about us. Then i started crying, couldn't help it. I told him how much i loved him and asked what he meant with not ready. He then said that there was something missing and he had thought that he could fix it but no he couldn't, he said he had felt this way since just before i left. He couldn't tell me what it was but he said the regular ****e "It's nothing to do with you, it's me". He didn't even wanted to try, not even give it a chance. I asked him if he was seeing someone, and yes he is, nothing serious only casual but still it hurts so much. He means everything to me and how could he say just weeks before that i meant everything to him and that he wanted to be with me.. I havn't been able to sleep good, eat. I try to hang out with my friends and catch up with ppl but i miss him so much. he really broke my heart and i cant stop thinking about what went wrong cause i cant see anything, we never had fights or arguments. I'm so confused, it feels like there is something wrong, the puzzle doesn't match. Is it over or is there any way i can get him back? wow this is a long text, sorry you guys just had to get it off my chest.
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