Why are BS allowed in this forum

[Gissie]

Can I ask one innocent question? Im new to this forum and when I entered I thought this was "Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with committed partner". Why are BS and such allowed in here? Im not asking this to be mean.. but as fOW Im looking for peer support from people in similar situation..instead of defending myself to angry and bitter people all day. I just dont find this kind of communication very constructive for anyone because it just not based on objectivity and arouses too many emotions.

 

Isnt there a support group for betrayed spouses somewhere? I wouldnt go there to bash.

 

and again, please dont take this as attack towards anyone.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

This is an open forum. There are closed forums for OW. I'm sure someone would be happy to direct you there.

[tinktronik]

This site supports both a betrayed spouses section and an OW section. And it is an open forum so anyone can visit and comment. Sometimes you can get great and very true advice that is spot on and it's just not what you want to hear, so you disregard it. If you feel you are being attacked personally you should just report it.

[BB07]

It's a OPEN forum, NO restrictions. I can't speak for the owners but it is the owners choice as to what is allowed and what isn't and perhaps they prefer it this way or maybe they just don't have the time or the resources to moderate it to exclude certain groups.

 

IMO.......you get a more balanced view here as you have both side of the fence and the in-betweens. Most BS's aren't mean and are genially here to help or give their perspective.

 

If someone breaks the TOS report it, otherwise if a post isn't useful, just discard and move on.

[herenow]

Let me ask you this Gissie? Do you feel the BW is a significant part of the affair dynamic? If your answer is no, then please explain why OW's and MM's have to be so secret about their relationships.

 

Truth is, the fact that a BW/BH exists is why it's called an affair. Without a BW, there is no affair. So, seems to me, the BW is a major part of the affair. And, the POV of the BW is also something to consider if you really want to explore the subject. JMO

 

Now, if you just want a bunch of people who will only talk about your "side" of the situation, this may not be the best place for you.

Edited June 9, 2011 by herenow

[carhill]

A potential tool is to put all known BS on ignore. When another pops up, add them to the list.

 

I would never do that but it is an option. The internet is too open to control anything as specific as being a betrayed spouse. Heavily moderated forums can achieve a modicum of control, but it's still impossible to completely control. LS chooses not to heavily moderate, so that is why BS are allowed on this forum.

[Gissie]

Thanks Carhill! I wasnt aware of this ignore option. Guess I should have just read FAQ´s before posting...Thanks again

[John Michael Kane]

Because it's an open forum.

[daisy love]

Lolz. I asked the same question and my question was taken off.

Unless you hate OW or want to get in the middle of a ****storm between OW and BS you won't find much support here or anywhere else.

[herenow]

Thanks Carhill! I wasnt aware of this ignore option. Guess I should have just read FAQ´s before posting...Thanks again

 

Yup, ignore the BW. Easy to do.

 

The hard work comes when a person is able to look at all sides of the situation. Reality is certainly a hard pill to swallow sometimes. But, if "ignore" works for you, then I wish you well.

[carhill]

Thanks Carhill! I wasnt aware of this ignore option. Guess I should have just read FAQ´s before posting...Thanks again

A quick way to utilize this option, as it doesn't appear in any drop-down menus (wish it did, for efficiency, like the 'add to contact list' does) is to bookmark this link, then merely copy the username, click on it and paste the username into the resultant page and save the changes. Takes about ten seconds.

[Gissie]

I dont hate anyone. I just find some (not all) posters here totally insane to be honest. I guess it shouldnt bother me but it makes me not want to post anything because the discussion is not civilized. I guess I should remove this question then before it gets removed..

[herenow]

Lolz. I asked the same question and my question was taken off.

Unless you hate OW or want to get in the middle of a ****storm between OW and BS you won't find much support here or anywhere else.

 

I have read many wonderful conversations on LS that include BW, BH, MM, MW, even kids. I guess it depends on what you read and how you interpret it.

[BB07]

I dont hate anyone. I just find some (not all) posters here totally insane to be honest. I guess it shouldnt bother me but it makes me not want to post anything because the discussion is not civilized. I guess I should remove this question then before it gets removed..

 

You won't be able to remove this thread, only mods can do that.

 

Perhaps LS is not the right place for you...........take care.

[Art_Critic]

Why shouldn't the BS voice be heard in this forum ?

 

Hearing all sides to is very helpful..

I will guarantee you that more than 1 person.. in fact probably many have been helped by BS's posting here.

[Mimolicious]

Can I ask one innocent question? Im new to this forum and when I entered I thought this was "Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with committed partner". Why are BS and such allowed in here? Im not asking this to be mean.. but as fOW Im looking for peer support from people in similar situation..instead of defending myself to angry and bitter people all day. I just dont find this kind of communication very constructive for anyone because it just not based on objectivity and arouses too many emotions.

 

Isnt there a support group for betrayed spouses somewhere? I wouldnt go there to bash.

 

and again, please dont take this as attack towards anyone.

 

 

And exactly how is this thread "contructive" to anyone here? I hardly find your question innocent, since it is pretty much common sense and I am sorry, if I am reading you wrong but the way you word it ... Must've been starting something...

 

You may be new to this site but are you new to the internet? A membership in an open forum (like this one) is not based on submitting a "profile bio" and getting approved by moderators to post with a specific "group" of people.

 

Now explain to me, how is "one track mind" communication constructive? So ONLY hearing from people that are in your same situation, share the same objectives as you is considered "constructive"? How does it promote for advancement? It could also be a bit "destructive" for all to dance to the same tune...

 

There are exclusive places where you can apply to. I am sure that the camaraderie will be excellent if what you are looking is for groupies. Is "support" supposed to be "glossy"? Please someone explain...

 

The best advice sometimes comes from someone not in your situation or who has been on the other side, minus the cognitive biases. Only you know what you are looking for, if you can't find it here then good luck finding it in a place where most people are STUCK in the same situation.

[Gissie]

Yes talking about all sides of the story is and can be useful when its done from objective point of view. It just seems so many are not able to. Either openly or they operate behind hidden agendas. I just find that kind of discussion waste of time. But ignore option helps me in what I was trying to do here, no need for anything more.

 

Thanks again

[herenow]

I find these threads very interesting. I can't help but think the mind set of some (I repeat "some") OW is to ignore that a BW exists. Does ignoring the BW help in some way?

 

I'm really interested in why comments from BW's on LS are not welcome to some OW looking for answers? Wouldn't the BW's POV help you to understand the actions of the MM? Or, help you see the big picture and make your own decisions based on all aspects of the affair?

[Gissie]

I find these threads very interesting. I can't help but think the mind set of some (I repeat "some") OW is to ignore that a BW exists. Does ignoring the BW help in some way?

 

I'm really interested in why comments from BW's on LS are not welcome to some OW looking for answers? Wouldn't the BW's POV help you to understand the actions of the MM? Or, help you see the big picture and make your own decisions based on all aspects of the affair?

 

Its fine to hear BS side of the story, as long as its not all about blaming the OW. Directly or indirectly. I do believe everyone in that mess plays a role. Im just not interested in defending myself to people who DONT get the big picture. Thats all.

[Hazyhead]

From what I have seen, people with "hidden agendas" start threads like this one.

 

Was gonna say the exact same thing

 

Gissie, do you not believe in free speech and opinion? I, for one, have found much comfort and guidance in the words offered by BS, as well as every other 'labelled' person, on here during the years I've been here.

 

Long may that freedom to speak continue. If you don't want to hear from a particular side, for whatever reason, then perhaps this forum is not your best option.

[herenow]

Its fine to hear BS side of the story, as long as its not all about blaming the OW. Directly or indirectly. I do believe everyone in that mess plays a role. Im just not interested in defending myself to people who DONT get the big picture. Thats all.

 

I just don't see what you are referring to. I see conversations about a very volatile subject. Let's face it affairs can hurt people. So obviously it's going to cause some friction simply by the nature of what we are discussing.

 

Sometimes I wonder how those who can't handle the raw truth and emotion on an anonymous forum can stomach a true affair in real life. Boggles the mind.

[silktricks]

and inversely, some BS/BW have been helped by OW/OM posting here

[silktricks]

Its fine to hear BS side of the story, as long as its not all about blaming the OW. Directly or indirectly. I do believe everyone in that mess plays a role. Im just not interested in defending myself to people who DONT get the big picture. Thats all.

 

I'd want to ask here.... what is the "big picture"?

[whichwayisup]

Its fine to hear BS side of the story, as long as its not all about blaming the OW. Directly or indirectly. I do believe everyone in that mess plays a role. Im just not interested in defending myself to people who DONT get the big picture. Thats all.

 

You don't have to defend yourself, but people have a right to their opinions and feelings of an affair, especially if they've been affected by it, whatever side of the fence they're on. You can choose to ignore it or react to it, you're a grown woman and words on a screen on an internet forum where you don't know anyone, shouldn't upset you so much that you don't want BS's posting or replying to you because they put blame on an OW due to an affair. And again, I read your thread and it seemed fine, I don't understand what parts upset you.

[reboot]

Funny you never hear people saying that OW/OM shouldn't post in the Infidelity forum (and many DO post there). I personally find the dynamics from all sides of the triangle to be fascinating. This place would be a lot less interesting if everyone were limited to one little place where they could post and none of our thoughts and ideas could mingle.