alrighty_then Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I'm just wondering everyone's opinion on what is the best thing to do in regards to Facebook. I'm sure some people are perfectly fine staying on there and being friends with their ex, but we've been broken up 4 months, still friends on there, and I really think it's holding me back in the moving on process. The options are: 1) Stay friends, try my best to not look at her stuff....And I know I'll fail at that. 2) Block/unfriend her. That means I'll still be able to go on facebook, but I won't be able to see her stuff and she won't be able to see mine. Her friends will still be able to see me, and mine will be able to see her. My hesitation here is if I got weak at some point, I'd look like a jerk trying to re-friend her again. 3) Deactivate my account. This will take me off completely. Of course if I feel like I'm okay, I can re-activate my account at some point. So does anyone have any successful/unsuccessful attempts with Facebook? Please share.
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Number 2. And 3. And get this: It's never the fault of 'Facebook'. You know that, right?
Author alrighty_then Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Sure. Facebook is generally great, you can stay in touch with friend, re-connect with old friends... If a couple breaks up over Facebook, it's their fault not Facebook's. We didn't break up over Facebook. It was never a problem with us and we were both pretty active on there. It's just seeing her statuses, photos, etc. And if I have access to it, I can't stop myself from checking it daily. I just wonder anyone had any insight whether it would make more sense to just block your ex and stay on Facebook, or get off of it altogether for a while.
inandouttalove Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I had trouble with that also I deleted / blocked my ex on fb so I can never view his page cause I know itll be no good for me at all if I go snooping on his page and see a new pic or see something that will set me back even more and hurt me even more. I think its best to move on by just deleting /blocking them from your fb
smudge21 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 If you enjoy Facebook and have many other friends on there, then deactivating the account is not the right move. Why go that far just over one person. De-friending them is the way forward, but without the block as you've already said about re-adding them as a friend down the line. If you block them completely then you'll only be more tempted to 'get your fix' of her by looking elsewhere for info (and that never works out well, trust me). If she's just removed as a friend, then she's still there and within reach but also out of reach if you get me. If you feel weak and need a hit, you can see her picture or something, but not too much. Yes, getting over someone is often like getting off a drug, the odd little hit can keep us sane. But to remove it completely can also make us want it more. You are right, you won't fully heal whilst she's still there, but remember that when you do delete, it may be worth telling her why, otherwise she'll only come looking for you and that may make things worse for your healing. Just my opinion...
Author alrighty_then Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 just do niothing, you dont need to act differently Maybe not. I'm just thinking for my own sake and my own sanity, I might be better off having no access to her page. I got rid of everything in my house of hers, threw away all pictures and everything, so Facebook is the last tie to her.
Karala Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I de-activated, only because I knew I wouldn't have urges to re-activate and see what my ex is up to. (I made sure to tell all my friends I was off Facebook because Facebook was stupid, so that would make me look like such a dork if I were to do that... lol, thank God I have pride, comes in handy sometimes) Unfriending him was no use because we have so many mutual friends, I would have ended up seeing our mutual friends's comments on my ex's wall, or making a fuss about parties that I would then obsess over if my ex had attented them etc. And I just decided Facebook is stupid anyway and such a great waste of time. Didn't delete because I thought I might change my mind somewhere down the line. But if I hadn't felt confident that I won't re-activate to check on my ex ever, I would have deteled without a second thought. I have saved myself a world of pain and only regret I didn't do it sooner. You never want to go through what I went through, like the night I went home after an evening out with the girls and we had nearly been sexually assaulted, and I felt so desperately lonely and helpless, then logged on to Facebook to read about my ex raving about the great times he'd had out in bars on his vacation to Montreal and how sweet and accessible the girls were there. I feel like dying just thinking about it again. See myself again screaming in my pillow, alone in my partment, fighting the panic attack, telling myself please pull yourself together girl, just trying not to go insane with pain. ...there you go, just from telling this story I feel like crap again. Facebook WILL make you crazy. SAVE YOURSELF THE PAIN ALREADY. 1
WTRanger Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 For God's sake, delete and block them! You are broken up, you are not friends at this point, so there is no need to stay connected. What in the world do you think you would do when (not if, but WHEN) you see a picture of her with a new guy? If you are not close friends with her friends (ie you knew them BEFORE you met the ex), then remove them as well. There's no need to keep scraps of your past around. Refusing to do this is refusing to admit you are broken up. Plain and simple. You may not have to go to the extreme of removing your account, but if you feel that is needed then do it. Just make sure you DELETE AND BLOCK your ex before you de-activate your account. You don't want to come back on and see her, or her pictures, and totally reset yourself. 1
GivenUp0083 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I'm just wondering everyone's opinion on what is the best thing to do in regards to Facebook. I'm sure some people are perfectly fine staying on there and being friends with their ex, but we've been broken up 4 months, still friends on there, and I really think it's holding me back in the moving on process. The options are: 1) Stay friends, try my best to not look at her stuff....And I know I'll fail at that. 2) Block/unfriend her. That means I'll still be able to go on facebook, but I won't be able to see her stuff and she won't be able to see mine. Her friends will still be able to see me, and mine will be able to see her. My hesitation here is if I got weak at some point, I'd look like a jerk trying to re-friend her again. 3) Deactivate my account. This will take me off completely. Of course if I feel like I'm okay, I can re-activate my account at some point. So does anyone have any successful/unsuccessful attempts with Facebook? Please share. I didn't need to block her, I just removed her as a friend and I removed her friends as well. That why nothing will show up about her in your feed or anything. If your settings are right, she can't post on your wall or see your stuff either. If she's contacting you and you want to ignore her, then block her.
cadburysflake Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I would deactivate my account for a short while and enjoy the freedom of not knowing. Once your over her then you can reactivate and choose the friends you want back.
WTRanger Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I would deactivate my account for a short while and enjoy the freedom of not knowing. Once your over her then you can reactivate and choose the friends you want back. True to a point. If you simply re-activate your profile you go back to the very day you stopped it. Which means same friends, same newsfeeds, etc. Your profile is still active but no one can access it. So when you come back into it, it just just as if you haven't checked it for weeks on end. This is why if you de-activate it you must remove the ex first.
wilsonx Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I just blocked and deleted pictures and moved on... I mean I thought about not deleting or just deleting but I would sit there and stare at her wall while shes with another guy... doesnt make since... block and move forward
JHS Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 How would you want to be treated in this instance? I think the right thing to do is whatever you think is best for you, but maybe you should talk to the person or e-mail him or her first. Say something like, "I had such feelings for you that I think it would be best for me if I blocked you...no hard feelings." It can be a hurtful thing to be blocked with no explanation. My heartless c-word of an ex did it to me and even though I realize she is crazy, it still hurt and bothered me.
Miss M Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 They guy I was with for about 6 years and I broke up about 6 months ago. I asked him to block me from being able to see any of his wall posts, etc. etc. I didn't want to have to go to facebook and see what he was up to, because it would probably bother me, especially since he has a new girlfriend. I didn't want to completely delete him, because I still consider him a good friend. This has worked for me
JHS Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I would deactivate my account for a short while and enjoy the freedom of not knowing. Once your over her then you can reactivate and choose the friends you want back. I think that when you do so you get all the friends back. You don't have to re-request.
alethean Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Facebook is Satan Omg, that's hilarious. And so, so true.
TaraMaiden Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 It's hilarious because it isn't true. People are just suckers for putting themselves through pain. 'Facebook' does nothing'. people with masochistic tendencies, "looking for the clown", are the silly ones.
C00LKATES Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 If it's really over, I would say block her. You can't see any photos she's in or what she posts on mutual friends walls. It's help me a lot. My ex blocked me after I de-friended him. It helps.
Karala Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Watch "The Social Network" and say it again that Facebook isn't the work of Satan, lol. I agree it is what we make it, up to a point. But let's just say I don't think it tends to bring out the best in people. I am a sucker for putting myself through pain for weeks, but wanting to know what your ex is up to is human. Without Facebook, this wouldn't have been so much of an issue, is all I'm saying.
RuinedLife Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Facebook is EVIL!!!!!! What I would give to wipe it from existence... for all eternity.
generallyperplexed Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I removed my ex last weekend. I've got a couple of years where I've been in the habit of seeing what she'd put on her profile, so it makes it a lot easier to break the habit and start forgetting about her.
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