drews14 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 ok i a newbie on this forum let me give some background. im 25, been in a few relationships but nothing meaningful as my last, it lasted around 2yrs. my ex broke up with me after 2yr saying she wasnt happy anymore, she felt as we were not a perfect match and she loved me but no longer in love with me. i made mistakes in the relationship, i was way to nice and i was always there i gave too much and made her #1 priority i was their for every important event even tho i never got the same back. i loved her , i probably didnt give her enough space to be her own person, but i always asked her to and she never wanted to.i was planing to marry her in a year. now she throwing it back in my face. i taught she really loved me too but i think she was just confused. she has been out of a long relationship 5yrs, dated around and then found me.. i though out relationship was good but needed some work nothing we couldn't get over. she was always selfish and sometimes would not have a conscience. she taught it was ok to talk to guys interested in her while in a relationship with me, and i should be ok with it. also i couldn't question her or else id be "inscure", she never realized her actions made me feel that way. never felt like i had stability with her.. she never taught things weren't a big deal "anniversary and big events" because she went thru it already. she was very one sided and never taught she was wrong, she never was willing to compromise and always said "take me for me" she admit she had bad ways but never was willing to change them she expected me to deal with her like that. i gave and gave and didnt get much back in return. she did try to but i felt like it was a 1/2ass effort. anyway its been about 2+mo since the brake up, we tried to work it out but she said "its too late" she dated i waited. now shes seeing some one else (in a relationship), once she told me about 2 weeks ago i stoped all contact. since then she called/txt me 4-5times. most of the time to tell me how happy she is and how much of a mistake i was, how uncompatable i was with her. funny how you can feel so strongly for some one after 1mo of knowing them.. yesterday she sent me a txt saying im so over you, and im missing out, mind you i dont hit her up anymore, so i call her to say stop, and she fights with me, saying that it could of been me but i messed up basically not acknowleging she has faults too and the whole thing was my fault, she also is mad that i told her im dating other girls (im not becuase im not over her fully it wouldnt be fair) and she says she hates me for messing around with other females. i counter with saying why/how can you care if your with some one else and your soo happy. we bicker back and forth, i tell her to leave me alone and be happy with her new life/ relationship please dont contact me again. i have no hard feelings i wish her the best of luck.. she continues to fight with me saying mean hurtful things. i get fed up and i tell her im done trying to act mature with you obvisouly you want to be a kid about this so i tell her f* off and i hope this new dude f* you over like you did me, i tell her one day she'll realzie what she lost in me and it'll be to late. she hangs up before saying she hates me. why is she calling if shes with some one else and is "happy" she makes it seem like our relationship was a waste of her time and she never loved me. so why does she still hit me up. i know it was 2yrs but if your moved on esp in 2mo. i couldnt of ment that much to you.. please some insite im sooo confused.. thanks
vsmini Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 why is she calling if shes with some one else and is "happy" There could be lots of reasons why she is calling you - maybe she's not so sure about her new relationship and you're her fallback guy. I'd tell you this though - if I were her new guy and I found out she was calling her ex - I would dump her. Never keep someone who is still in contact with their ex after so soon a breakup.
Author drews14 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 shes also upset that i made a new facebook and im living my life making friends talking to females. i think she more upset that shes isnt having control of my life. but i dont understand why if she moved on she should care. im trying not to care about what she does.
vsmini Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 shes also upset that i made a new facebook and im living my life making friends talking to females. i think she more upset that shes isnt having control of my life. but i dont understand why if she moved on she should care. im trying not to care about what she does. You said it perfectly - she still wants to have some foothold in your life. that's really common - she hasn't completely moved on. She might not want to be with you but she will miss having that ego stroke. keep her on No Contact.
thatone Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 screw that, i'd have lots of fun with tearing her down. txt saying im so over you, and im missing out"yet you still keep calling, try prozac" she says she hates me for messing around with other females"i'm trying to hate you but all i can think about is how my date tomorrow looks so much better than you do" most of the time to tell me how happy she is and how much of a mistake i was"what was that? i was busy sending your friends an email telling them how you're stalking me and they should suggest you get help, i missed what you just said. say that again?"
Dorie Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 You said it perfectly - she still wants to have some foothold in your life. that's really common - she hasn't completely moved on. She might not want to be with you but she will miss having that ego stroke. keep her on No Contact. This is bang on. Even from the title of your post, it was obvious she's using you to transition on. . It's a very selfish but common thing to do. Protect yourself ok? Cut contact and start your own healing.
Author drews14 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 thanks for all the quick responses! it sucks that im the transition guy after 2yrs.. so i guess its no possibility she still loves me and is confused.. kick in my a$$ but good to know rather then have false hope.. im going to change my phone number.. hopefully she'll get my message.. sucks because im still not ready to date, i do miss her but shes not right..
vsmini Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 If she isn't totally stalking you and texting/calling you 10 times a day I don't think you should have to go through the hassle of changing your number. It's your choice of course but...let her stuipid and drama-ridden texts give you motivation for you keeping up NC and reminding you what you're lucky to now be away from. Drama seeking, attention needing nuisance is what she is.
alethean Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Wow...she sounds like a bundle of joy. She clearly isn't over you. If she were, she wouldn't be calling you. Don't engage her. You said you were going to change your number, but if you don't (seems like a lot of hassle for one person), maybe block her number? Or just don't pick up her calls/answer her texts. Eventually she should get the idea.
vsmini Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I'm a female - My apologies that my gender produced someone like your ex.
TheyCallMeBruce Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 My ex is a crazy person. She just found out that her parents are splitting up, and her mom is being super selfish and treating her brother like ****, so my ex was pretty busted up about it and asked if she could come over and talk. I'm a nice guy, and I still care about her being happy, so I said yes. Now, mind you, she more or less has a new boyfriend (she says he isn't, but they are exclusively seeing each other and are ****ing regularly, so it's basically the same thing), and I've been pursuing another girl pretty intensely, though without results. Well, she cries a bit and asks if I'll hold her. I feel bad for her, and this isn't a terribly un-friendlike thing to do, so I do. Then she starts trying to kiss me, telling me we should fool around, and asking me for sex. It was weird and uncomfortable. I told her I wouldn't be complicit in her cheating on this guy, and she said she was probably ending things with him anyway. Finally, I told her she needed to leave. She got mad and stormed off, and then texted me begging me to not tell her friends. I'm assuming because she doesn't want this guy to find out about it. In any case, girls are crazy.
Author drews14 Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 UPDATE: MORE ADVISE PLEASE! she has been calling/txting the past weekend around midnight- 1a.m. and during the day around 11am. i didnt pick up at all or answer txt from friday - monday. we spoke on monday evening, basically started off friendly she was staying that she missed me alot and it hurts to know its completly over, even tho she is with someone else and is happy she doesnt know why she keeps thinking about me or misses me. we begin to argue as she tells me how close this new dude is already, how she brought him home, they went out on mini vacation and how she clicks soo well with him.. blah blah blah.. all in 2 months.. she says she has a real connection and seeing him as being the one, and that she loves me and misses me and she doesnt know why. i tell her good luck to her hope shes happy and to leave me alone, i tell her i dont want any contact and the fact that you can fall head over heels for some one in 2 months shows that i was never anything meaninful, her response is that im putting words in her mouth. i also tell her the fact that she defending him over me shows me that i nothing special any more. we argue some more and the convo ended by her telling me she is getting engaged to him the end of this month... wtf !? i told her i hate her and f*ck off, have a great life never contact me again. now im broken again, i know its over but damm she moved on soo quick and fell so quickly for some one else.. guess the 2yrs i put in really was meaning less.. she also stated that i didnt step up and try enough and put her in her place. but when i did she fought me, she didnt give me the chance to in our relationship and now shes flipping it all around and making me seem like i didnt try. when truth of the matter is i bent over backwards to please her and be in her life.. some people never see anything.. wheres karma when you need it..
vsmini Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 UPDATE: MORE ADVISE PLEASE! she has been calling/txting the past weekend around midnight- 1a.m. and during the day around 11am. i didnt pick up at all or answer txt from friday - monday. we spoke on monday evening, basically started off friendly she was staying that she missed me alot and it hurts to know its completly over, even tho she is with someone else and is happy she doesnt know why she keeps thinking about me or misses me. we begin to argue as she tells me how close this new dude is already, how she brought him home, they went out on mini vacation and how she clicks soo well with him.. blah blah blah.. all in 2 months.. she says she has a real connection and seeing him as being the one, and that she loves me and misses me and she doesnt know why. i tell her good luck to her hope shes happy and to leave me alone, i tell her i dont want any contact and the fact that you can fall head over heels for some one in 2 months shows that i was never anything meaninful, her response is that im putting words in her mouth. i also tell her the fact that she defending him over me shows me that i nothing special any more. we argue some more and the convo ended by her telling me she is getting engaged to him the end of this month... wtf !? i told her i hate her and f*ck off, have a great life never contact me again. now im broken again, i know its over but damm she moved on soo quick and fell so quickly for some one else.. guess the 2yrs i put in really was meaning less.. she also stated that i didnt step up and try enough and put her in her place. but when i did she fought me, she didnt give me the chance to in our relationship and now shes flipping it all around and making me seem like i didnt try. when truth of the matter is i bent over backwards to please her and be in her life.. some people never see anything.. wheres karma when you need it.. Well we can't really blame her anymore for the issues you are having can we? WHY DID YOU PICK UP THE PHONE AND TALK TO HER IN THE FIRST PLACE????? Seriously - talking to a girl that is just sooooooo "over the moon" happy with her new boyfriend is not going to make you feel better. Pull your head out of your butt and realize that No Contact is the only option you have of eventually feeling better. I like you and I like your posts so I'm sorry if I'm coming off as a total b*tch but you really need to get a clue on this one. She doesn't care about you. She cares about how she looks to you. Major difference. Stop taking her calls. The only person you can blame right now is yourself. You were right with what you said "some people never see anything." Yea - same goes to you too buddy. Stop trying to control the situation and make her feel bad....she's not going to feel bad about what happened. That's obvious. And Karma is something people say to make themselves feel better. If Karma exists it does stuff on it's own watch...not on yours.
Author drews14 Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 harsh but needed, tnx. easier said then done to just let go esp when i tried so hard.. but its not worth it and i need to realize im looking for her to care when truth is she doesn't.. -_- sucks to feel meaningless esp after all the effort..
vsmini Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 harsh but needed, tnx. easier said then done to just let go esp when i tried so hard.. but its not worth it and i need to realize im looking for her to care when truth is she doesn't.. -_- sucks to feel meaningless esp after all the effort.. Forget that. You're not meaningless. She just doesn't understand what an idiot she was. But she will in time. But understand that it will take her lots of time to truly understand that. I say this because when/if she calls you next week "realizing it" that is not a reason to pick up the phone and resume contact. That's just her baiting you. I know how you feel. A lot of us on this site have been both the dumper and the dumpee. Being the later truly sucks but it's only until we've been truly heartbroken that we can learn the lessons and get smart. It took me awhile but I was stomped on at 27 and I've learned so damn much from it. Now - after almost a year...I'm thankful for it. I NEVER thought I would get to this point - I thought I would be depressed forever but I finally got out of it. And No Contact was the reason I could do it. Trust me - there is something better out there for you. When I was told this I wanted to say "yea right, piss off." but.....they were right. Saw it for myself. Something was waiting for me and it was better. Good luck
Author drews14 Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 thanks its helps to know im not the only one, and the advise given here by your self and others really help and puts things in perspective. i will change my number this week so it will really be no contact. hope your right about someone better being out there.. guess ill keep on looking. but your right this has made me stronger then i ever taught i could be and made me more aware. deff a growing experience..
Recommended Posts