Nohbody Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 (edited) I'm posting this here instead of the second chances thread, because this is more for me (and hopefully you will find some value here as well) than it is for anyone else. This is the minimum effort I am willing to accept from the girl I was with if reconciliation is ever to occur, (though honestly I am starting to believe that even if she does come back she will be unwilling to make a sincere effort... so it goes). I believe I'm worth nothing less than this, and anyone who is unwilling to meet these criteria is not someone I want to be with. Thanks to Homebrew, for all the obvious reasons 1) There can be no doubt in your mind that I am the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. 2) If you are sleeping with someone else on a regular basis, are in some kind of relationship (committed or casual) with someone else, haven't broken ties with whoever you have been with since you left, then don't waste my time. 3) You are not giving me another chance, I am giving you the opportunity to make atonement for what you have done. If you are not willing to make a sincere effort and show me that you are willing to put my needs second only to your own and value my wants equal with yours, then this is not going to work. 4) You will not receive the benefit of the doubt for a very long time. We are defined by our actions, not our intentions. If you are unwilling to show me, in all that you do, that you are committed to a life with me - I must assume that you will do this again. I won't give you that opportunity. 5) You must show me you are genuinely remorseful because you know that what you did hurt me- not because you feel guilty and hurt that you were found out, or lonely because you were dumped by whoever you saw last. Again, actions speak louder than words - and nothing you say will be taken at face value for a long time. 6) I have taken this time to critically analyze what I did wrong in our relationship, and I will promise you that I am going to make sincere efforts to do the right thing by you. I have improved myself mentally, physically, emotionally and all the rest. I am a better person because I want to be. I expect nothing less from you if we are going to try to make this work. 7) Neither of us are victims here. You have made your choices, and I have made mine. I'm not responsible for your happiness, and you are not responsible for mine. The onus is on you to show me that you want to be with me, because you ended it - this is not your comeuppance, this is your moment of truth. Edited June 9, 2011 by Nohbody
california15 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 3) You are not giving me another chance, I am giving you the opportunity to make atonement for what you have done. If you are not willing to make a sincere effort and show me that you are willing to put my needs second only to your own and value my wants equal with yours, then this is not going to work. 4) You will not receive the benefit of the doubt for a very long time. We are defined by our actions, not our intentions. If you are unwilling to show me, in all that you do, that you are committed to a life with me - I must assume that you will do this again. I won't give you that opportunity. These are my 2 favorite; and even if you don't apply all these to your ex, they can certainly apply to future prospects.
stopthemadness Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I couldnt even bring myself to read all of these. Who wants them back? umm NOT ME!! Who wants to always live in doubt? Who wants to feel like their wasting more of their time with smone who will always Be looking over the fence to see if the grass is greener? umm again, NOT ME!! Think about this Nohbody. You just miss them thats all. Dosent mean you want them back. It will pass give it more time........
giuliano-3 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I hear ya, stopthemadness. Time should do the trick. In the meantime I think this list is extraordinarily useful. If someone takes back the ex without believing these things then its bound to fail. #7 is the one I was, and maybe still am, stuck on. Unreasonably thinking that I'm the key to her happiness. True, I treated her extremely well and loved her dearly - but to think I'm her salvation is ludicrous. I need to drop that completely. Its frivolous, trivial and self-destructive. I'm sick of thinking of myself as a victim. Inner peace comes from within, nobody else can give it to you or take it away.
Author Nohbody Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Stopthemadness, I won't argue with you, I think you are right. I hope that if and when the time comes I will be able to make the right decision.
Author Nohbody Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Inner peace comes from within, nobody else can give it to you or take it away. you forgot the h
giuliano-3 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 you forgot the h Hah, the thought actually crossed my mind The storming the castle bit last night put me out of my chair, and led to inner peace so...maybe you're right.
ahoy Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 If my ex finds a cure for cancer, I might consider sending her a congratulatory text. Might.
Karala Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I'm posting this here instead of the second chances thread, because this is more for me (and hopefully you will find some value here as well) than it is for anyone else. This is the minimum effort I am willing to accept from the girl I was with if reconciliation is ever to occur, (though honestly I am starting to believe that even if she does come back she will be unwilling to make a sincere effort... so it goes). I believe I'm worth nothing less than this, and anyone who is unwilling to meet these criteria is not someone I want to be with. Thanks to Homebrew, for all the obvious reasons 1) There can be no doubt in your mind that I am the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. 2) If you are sleeping with someone else on a regular basis, are in some kind of relationship (committed or casual) with someone else, haven't broken ties with whoever you have been with since you left, then don't waste my time. 3) You are not giving me another chance, I am giving you the opportunity to make atonement for what you have done. If you are not willing to make a sincere effort and show me that you are willing to put my needs second only to your own and value my wants equal with yours, then this is not going to work. 4) You will not receive the benefit of the doubt for a very long time. We are defined by our actions, not our intentions. If you are unwilling to show me, in all that you do, that you are committed to a life with me - I must assume that you will do this again. I won't give you that opportunity. 5) You must show me you are genuinely remorseful because you know that what you did hurt me- not because you feel guilty and hurt that you were found out, or lonely because you were dumped by whoever you saw last. Again, actions speak louder than words - and nothing you say will be taken at face value for a long time. 6) I have taken this time to critically analyze what I did wrong in our relationship, and I will promise you that I am going to make sincere efforts to do the right thing by you. I have improved myself mentally, physically, emotionally and all the rest. I am a better person because I want to be. I expect nothing less from you if we are going to try to make this work. 7) Neither of us are victims here. You have made your choices, and I have made mine. I'm not responsible for your happiness, and you are not responsible for mine. The onus is on you to show me that you want to be with me, because you ended it - this is not your comeuppance, this is your moment of truth. Great points!
Karala Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 If my ex finds a cure for cancer, I might consider sending her a congratulatory text. Might. I love those kinds of posts, they lift my spirits up, keep up the snide attitude lol ^^ Really wish for me to be able to reach this kind of frame of mind.
Karala Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 (edited) Merci, Karala. Nice Lithium cover. Thanks a lot! And thank you ex-boyfriend for giving me the opportunity to advertize myself some on LoveShack.org, lol ^^ edit : totally off-topic but was wondering why my siggy only shows every other post -_- Edited June 10, 2011 by Karala question
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