fallon2535 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Im 26 and I relocated to Australia with my partner of 4 years 2months ago. We have so much in common and 70% of the time have a great relationship. We have always had silly arguments as a couple but lately they have become more and more frequent. They are never usually about anything in particular and it usually blows over. After drunken argument on Friday night he sat me down on Monday and says he wants us to separate because he's unhappy and needs time to think and decide whether we should continue. And that in the past when we've argued he always thought we'd be ok but somethings changed. This has completely torn me apart, i cant eat concentrate at work. Hes moving out on Saturday and i am dreading waking up on my own. He says that he still wants to see me but needs time on his own and we should see how we feel. I have only just started a new job out here and have no friends or family i can turn too. I need some advice on what to do and how not too push him away further. I am so in love with this man i dont want this to lead to us splitting up for good.
dreamscape123 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Hi, I am sorry to hear about the situation you find yourself in. My situation is different, and if you would like to read about it, i wrote a thread about being dumped by my girlfriend and her finding a new guy with in a week. The thread is only a few days old and is easy to find... The point is, the feeling it has created are the same. The feeling of being torn apart, not eating or sleeping, a constant weight on your chest, everything in your life seems to remind you of them, and wondering if they even fee the same way as you do, and if not, how can that be ???? After being together for so long, how could things change like that after all you have shared and experienced together, when everything seems so strong and perfect, until suddenly.................. Friend and family are good to turn to, and have probably gone through the same, but at least on here I find comfort in talking to real people going through this heart ache right now... and the support does help, even if it only lasts for a few hours at a time, and i need to re log on to remind myself what people say and think... The common advice on here is NO CONTACT.. but this is very very hard... I find it is a toss up between wanting to let them know you are still there, that you love them so much, but not wanting to push them away and get annoyed at the constant contact.
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 No Contact is great - but you need to clarify something with him: is this a 'break' - or is he in fact 'breaking up' with you? If he insists it's a break, then lay down some ground rules, because otherwise you're in limbo, and the unknown, when you're nursing a damaged heart, is unbearable. Together, set a period of time for the break. You must BOTH agree to this. Set a date for meeting up again, and a location. neutral ground, neither your place nort his, but maybe a bar, or a park, or a cafe..... Discuss now, which aspects of the relationship he feels he needs to think about, and you'll meet in the middle and see what can be gone over. Don't let him pull the vague "gee, I dunno" strings. This is a form of passive-aggressive control. I'm not saying that it's what he is, but the desire to have a break is a form of trying to keep on top of things by controlling the boundaries, and unless there are clear boundaries, it's just confusion in distress. Ask him to seriously think about the factors which unsettle him, and to write them down. It sounds clinical and analytical, but it's the only way to clear the head, and settle the heart. Communication - effective communication - is the key here. Keep your head. And maybe, your heart will keep in one piece, after all. If after all this, it's still heartbreak time, you will know you tried your best to determine a plan of action. It will only fail if HE refuses to play ball. And that will be on him, not you.
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