Nickel Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 My wife of 13 years ( she's 31 now), has told me we needed time apart. We had a heart to heart about where each of us failed in our marriage. I truly love this woman and can't seem to consider life without her. The tricky part is that we have a 7 year old son and my wife seems to think we can live in the same house as roommates. She has removed her rings as have I. She has suddenly developed friendship with a group of coworkers and now frequently goes out and carries on text conversations privately. Part of me wants to give her the space and time while the other part wants to fight for the woman who use to call herself my wife. Is it even possible to make separation work under these circumstances? She doesn't make much money and has never paid a bill or bought anything in excess of 100 dollars by herself, is she just playing both sides? I don't want to give so much space that she may never come back and don't want to push. Somebody please give me a view on this that I haven't seen. Thanks
coolheadal Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 This seems to be more common now. My wife is still wearing her rings. I am not! I use too after the message from her after 13 years too said she didn't love me, there was no more romance, she didn't want to live with me but still we can be friends. Right now were living in the same house. I hardly see her only when she wants a free meal or wants something. She's a few years older than your wife but she's still in her 30's. She too has meet co-workers, friends, the crew (men friends) that take she and her girl friends out as friends. I don't believe it. Once they go down this path there is no hope. Keeps on saying nothing changed! Well something has changed she's not the same women I had married 13 years ago. It's hard to think about it and I don't want to live here on my own nor will she live with me. Whatever they're offering her must be a better way of living or more things she want's to do. I don't know as I only get bits from her for info. You have a 7 year old son so now who's taking care of him? You or her? When she goes out your doing it right. How long are you welling to put up with that?
Author Nickel Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Yes, I'm at home with my son nightly after getting home from work. This is only a week into this process so it hasn't become an issue. I'm not really interested in pursuing someone else right now anyway as much as i am in maybe saving this.
robf1971 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Yes, I'm at home with my son nightly after getting home from work. This is only a week into this process so it hasn't become an issue. I'm not really interested in pursuing someone else right now anyway as much as i am in maybe saving this. Nickel, the only way to stand a dog's chance of saving this is to do the stuff that seems wrong. First find out what she's doing my money's on her playing around with other guys... Keylog computer, check cell bills, Let us know what you find,
2.50 a gallon Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Nickel Space is a code word for room for her to fool around If she is texting other guys she is having what is called an emotinal affair. An affair is an affair, whether it be physical, emotional or electrical, it is still cheating. Consider cutting off of her funds. Why should you be paying for her nights out. -I am afraid you are in for a fight. Do not let her talk you into moving out of the house, in some jurisdictions they see that as you abandoning her and the family She is going to fight you when you say you want to fight for her and the family, so put on you boxing gloves. Cover your a$$. Start documenting everything interaction you have. She is going out with her friends, document the days and hours she leaves you with the boy. Snoop, find out what is really going on and document it. Also, buy yourself a Voice Activated Recorder and keep it in your pocket so you can record you conversations. When push come to shove, and she wants you to move you, one of their tricks is to call the cops and tell them that the two of you are fighting, while you have no clue. You get arrested and taken out of the house, and while in the pookey are served with a temporary restraining order and can no longer come around the house and spend time with the kid
robf1971 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Nickel Space is a code word for room for her to fool around If she is texting other guys she is having what is called an emotinal affair. An affair is an affair, whether it be physical, emotional or electrical, it is still cheating. Consider cutting off of her funds. Why should you be paying for her nights out. -I am afraid you are in for a fight. Do not let her talk you into moving out of the house, in some jurisdictions they see that as you abandoning her and the family She is going to fight you when you say you want to fight for her and the family, so put on you boxing gloves. Cover your a$$. Start documenting everything interaction you have. She is going out with her friends, document the days and hours she leaves you with the boy. Snoop, find out what is really going on and document it. Also, buy yourself a Voice Activated Recorder and keep it in your pocket so you can record you conversations. When push come to shove, and she wants you to move you, one of their tricks is to call the cops and tell them that the two of you are fighting, while you have no clue. You get arrested and taken out of the house, and while in the pookey are served with a temporary restraining order and can no longer come around the house and spend time with the kid Listen to this brilliant advice...
debtman Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Nickel, Sorry this brings you here, but there is some great advice here, some excellent stories to read and you will see that you're not alone. Listen to Rob & 2.50, it may seem counter-intuitive, but, if you really want to try to save your M, show her that you'll be fine without her (which you will if it comes to that). She may learn what you really do for her. She wants to be "roommates?" Fine, let her, she pays her half of EVERYTHING. She wants to split things equally? Fine, she takes care of your son equally so YOU have time to go out, hit the gym, find some hobbies/interests, make some friends. Work out a schedule. Don't be mean, don't be cruel, she'll take care of that. Don't stoop to her level. Don't fight with her. Be calm with her, don't let her pull you into an argument so she can justify to herself that she's making the "right" decision. You can tell her that you love her and hope that you can work things out, but, until she's ready to commit to you and really WORK on the relationship, you're not going to wait around for her and you're getting on with your life. Focus on yourself and your child. Look into the relationship 180. Best thing that ever happened for me as far as turning my emotions around and getting me back on track...It may make her realize what she'll be missing out on, it may not, but, what it will do is make you more confident, happier and able to stand on your own, regardless of the outcome... Learn what you can from this relationship. Take away lessons so that this won't happen again. You will come out of this a better person, one way or another... Good luck and keep posting...
Mauschen Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 You have gotten good advice here so far. Your wife is definitely making the best of both worlds - you support her and her boyfriend(s) entertain her. Keylog her computer, check her phone.text records, keep a journal of her activities and how much time she spends with your son. Read the book Child Custody A to Z by Guy White before you make any decisions. Cheating spouses can be reigned in - go to marriagebuilders.com for more information. Good luck!
coolheadal Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Yes, I'm at home with my son nightly after getting home from work. This is only a week into this process so it hasn't become an issue. I'm not really interested in pursuing someone else right now anyway as much as i am in maybe saving this. I understand what your saying the same goes for me. But not much you can do if there is another man involved. This other guy is giving her something you can't give her. Same goes for the wife who's texting guys while we eat and sleep. I wish I had never gotten her that cell phone or blue-tooth piece for it. New guys are new and they start off fresh slate. You and I are in our comfortable state of mine, knowing that everyday doesn't change but for the wives they don't want that they want something exciting and whatever their girl friends who are not married are doing they seem to want the same. My wife friend has moved away and left her husband and finally got D from him. She's more bossy than he was, being a staff sergeant in the Army. I know if she was here the wife won't be doing what she is doing. Though this tells me that the wife is weak and can cheat. So I go from a husband to a friend as you go from a husband to a roommate. Not the same and it won't be a happy time for either of us.
Author Nickel Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 What a crappy day. I found text messages ( at least 20) today alone. She also told me she was going out Friday night with her new friends and would prob be home as late as 5 or 6. Going to the beach with friends is one thing out that late is another. I condemned her about the situation and she told me that the text were to and from a guy she met at work. For the sake of my child and my wallet in court I am going to try the roomate thing. She made it very plain today that we are over. Really sucks cause I own my own lands aping company so I work all day ( with nothing but guys) and she's gone at night. Looks like it just me and the boy for a while
debtman Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Nickel, She wants to be roommates? She'd better pay her half of everything! She wants to be co-parents instead of a family? She'd better step up and take 1/2 the time with your son so you can have a life as well. Not fair for you to stay home every night while she goes out or for you to pay all the bills and finance her new life. If she really doesn't want to be your wife anymore, don't treat her like your wife. You can be friendly about it, but she's no longer your "friend" with the way she's treating you. She's doing you a favor. You'll be better off without her. Start turning your life around. Work on yourself and your relationship with your son. Good luck and keep posting...
reboot Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 When she comes home at 6:00 am her belongs should be waiting for her in the front yard.
Soxfaninfl Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 What a crappy day. I found text messages ( at least 20) today alone. She also told me she was going out Friday night with her new friends and would prob be home as late as 5 or 6. Going to the beach with friends is one thing out that late is another. I condemned her about the situation and she told me that the text were to and from a guy she met at work. For the sake of my child and my wallet in court I am going to try the roomate thing. She made it very plain today that we are over. Really sucks cause I own my own lands aping company so I work all day ( with nothing but guys) and she's gone at night. Looks like it just me and the boy for a while I'm in the same situation. I've been with my wife for 13 years and married for 11 years. She told me she didn't love me anymore. We live like roomates with a 7 year old son, and she is divorcing me. She started a relationship with a man that is 15 years older than her. I had to look at her phone to figure out who it was. We are both 35 years old.
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