sun_moon Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 You know, I've been doing much better lately, much better, it just seems that every time I feel an uplift, every time I realize wow its been x amount of hours and no thought of him, no sadness, wow its been half a day and no thoughts of him or longing for something lost. Every time I reach a milestone, its like he has this telepathic power over me, and he knows I'm doing ok, and he has to come and **** on my life and drop me a ****ing line. He has called me at least once a week: This week yesterday last week nothing Week before that-Friday, Saturday, and we finally talked Sunday The week before Friday The week before that Friday and I called him on Saturday (day he ripped my heart out and told me how great his whore of a gf is - my INITIATION OF NC DAY) Anything before this timeline was me being a complete mess, barely functional, and crying my eyes out realizing its really over. So if you count with me, I have been doing NC/LC for probably a month now, with two or three moments of contact, both for the same damn thing: to find out what the status of money owed to me is. But both initiated but HIM. You really dont realize the power of cutting all ties and not talking to them (in any way) until you set yourself back and realize you are not as strong as you thought, that you're not all the way ok, and the slightest contact kills you. For all the NC non believers, I say BULL, it really does freaking help. God, I dont even know if this is a rant, a moment of weakness, information seeking advice, or asking for recommendations. I really dont know, What I do know is I need to write something because once again, today I feel overwhelmed with negative emotions. I thought I was getting a handle on this. I received a call from him yesterday, which I chose to ignore as usual. Again he left me no text or vm, indicating it was regarding the money. Like usual, he's playing games, he wants me to pick up, and it agitated me. I left it alone. This morning, I'm having a good moment, getting ready for work, and all the sudden I felt so convicted to get my money back, as long as I hold my ground, as long as I keep professional and to the point, he cant get to me. so I sent a text asking about the status of my money. I felt good. He responds right away stating he tried to contact me yesterday. I just reply I was tied up, anyway, I need my money, so kindly let me know when that can happen. His response was, I tried twice yesterday to get it to you. Again, my response was, twice? I asked you to leave a vm regarding the money. Anyway, I will make this real simple for you, go to any near by xyz bank and deposit it into my ac, I will supply you the ac #. I even sent a text thanking him for his quick response (I was killing him with kindness to get my fing money), after 3 texts of stating he can put it in my account, still NO RESPONSE. Its evening time and nothing. Reasons for my hurt and anger: How dare you think that I will drop everything, pick up the phone, and "meet" you for the money owed to ME, with no suggestions of convenience on my part. I have a life, I have a job, I am not here for YOUR disposal. If you really really want to let things go and enjoy your life with your gf/non gf/ whatever the f she is/ then this should be SIMPLE to fix, not drawn out and PAINFUL. Secondly, you talked to me 2 weeks ago, when I actually picked up the phone because I did think hey its legitimately about the money. Guess what, IT WASNT. You carried on a 20 min conversation with me. You were being all nice, the complete opposite of the evilness and cruelty you bestowed upon me when you rubbed your g/f in my face and told me you were happy and never wanted to hear from me again weeks before. You carried on and on about how you are thankful to me for your schooling because I was a big reason, and how soon you will transfer to a college of your choice instead of staying in a community school. You never mentioned your gf, and I never asked. You told me you had the money and would give it to me upon your return from out of town. I said good bye and you said "talk to you soon" to which you got the end of the phone. So what makes you think, that when you call again over a week later, in the same manner, with no FREAKING communication, what makes you think I will believe THIS TIME ITS ABOUT THE F-I-N-G MONEY. Lastly and most importantly, why in the HELL would I even do anything on YOUR terms for MY MONEY. Oh ex of mine, I was so devoted to you, so in love, I didn't trust you and you gave me good reasons to keep the trust far, you mistreated me, you took me for granted, you flaked out on me so many times, your temper hurt me so many times, I gave you chance over chance to fix us and the problems you had, and you still let me down. I lent you money so many times. And our break up happens, you resent me for it, and you replace me not even a month after (to which you lied about under the disguise of wanting space to fix you), Now this, really? Your HOLDING MY MONEY HOSTAGE. I gave you an easy way out just put it in my A/C. I gave myself LC to get my money, but I don't want to face you, its not conducive to my healing, yet you didn't take it. You ignored my request because it wasnt a "meeting" Why are you doing this to me? Stringing this along, KNOWING I want to move on. I made it Crystal clear to you, I haven't called you, emailed you, texted, you, I left you alone. Why are you torturing me? Aren't you happy, no you are not, I know you are not, but that is the choice you made. How dare you call me 2 weeks ago to check on me and see how I'm doing and pretend all the mouth vomit you gave me before was non existent? Am I a robot, or are you that much in denial about your reality? WTF is this all about. What is going on? Why am I so fing upset? I called my best friend and complained a bit only for it to turn into this nasty angry session where I'm throwing around heavy descriptions of not so nice things and cursing, to which she laughed at in support. So I guess I'm still in my anger stage, to which she laughed and said its ok, you need it to move forward. I know she is right. Today, in the middle of the day, I actually cried a bit, something I haven't done really in over a week (which I'm very proud of). I dont understand what is happening? It was like I was regurgitating all this raw emotion that I thought was long gone from the beginning of the break up. I'm so confused. I'm hearing again from friends, that maybe I should consider it a loss and leave it be. I thought about that many times, and I always came to the same conclusion, while he has paid me half of it already and only a minimal is left, I think about my broke sister and friends, and how unjust this is. If anyone should have the money it should be them, not him. Then I get angry all over again. I'm to the point where I don't even know anymore. The only thing that has become clear to me, is that he doesn't want to cut all ties, he's shown it in all the unhealthy ways, but you know what, I do want to cut ties. He's being immature and is going about everything the wrong way. Yes, I felt defeated today. I accomplished nothing but a lot of resurfaced anger and pain.
Author sun_moon Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 I woke up early this morning feeling regressed. I don't know what I should do. Comments and advice are welcome. I really need it. I want to forget my pain.
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Don't throw any of these messages away or delete them... Write him a text. ask to meet him to get the money he owes you. arrange a time and date. Then either turn up with a burly male companion, or send your dad. Refuse to discuss anything at all, unless it's to do with the money. Do not reply to any "hey how are you?" "Nice to see you!" "You look great!" or any other type of small talk, however it's phrased. Just say, "ok, if I could have my $xxx....." and wait. Say absolutely nothing, unless he refuses to pay. Then say: you know you owe me this money, right? you did say you would pay me back today." If he prevaricates, tell him he will hear from your lawyer, turn and leave. You have his texts and you have a witness. Go the legal route. If it's really worth that much to you - get satisfaction.
Author sun_moon Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 TaraMaiden, I would like to begin by thanking you for replying, I respect your opinion, and you provided me with a little fuel to spark me up again, as I was feeling withered and defeated. I really needed some kind of guidance and I was torn between two decisions this morning, and I just couldn't pull the trigger. So yesterday, during my anger and hurt, I deleted the texts, the call log, because I wanted him off my phone and out of my mind, proof is gone, and its ok, the amount is minimal and its not worth taking him to court over. Its enough to help a friend in a time of need Also, I cannot fathom dragging my family through this because of sheer embarrassment and shame. I know, stupid, but true. If they ever found out he borrowed money, they would just roll over and cringe and ask me, why did you do it, what is wrong with this picture, was that not a red flag for you? I don't want to hear the judgement, etc. Btw, the amount owed was bigger, earlier during the break up, I guess over a month ago, he gave me half (even though he said he would have all of it) I led him to believe that he was going to meet me up for it. I sent my friend instead oh man he didn't like it. So if I have to, I will do it again, and any of my friends would do it again. So after reading your post at work, I decided to act, before once again I change my mind or just dwell, and I didn't want to do that any more. I sent a text with my account number, and I sent a kind response. I need the money please respond or communicate. I know you said you would give it to me and make good on our promise, lets just please get this out of the way. My hands were shaking, a bit angry, it wasn't good enough. I called him right away, I said, **** it, got to say my word, make it clear to the point, and cut it off. Its silenced ( I know he's prob in class), I call again, and it rings and rings, I left a nice vm stating the same thing. After that, I told myself, this is it, if I don't hear something TODAY, I am washing my hands of it, accepting it as a loss, and moving on with my life. Worse, is he will go down in my memory and history as a bigger ass amongst other things. I then called my best friend, vented, and vowed to her the promise, I am washing my hands of this after today. I'm tired of this, if I get no response today, I AM NOT LOOKING BACK. As I'm talking to her from my work line and drying up my tears of anguish, he calls me on my cell, I put my work phone down and my best friend is listening form a distance. It was a two minute conversation, I kept it nice, sweet, to the point, and professional. I was glad he was "cordial". He apologized because he was in class and didnt want to me to think he was silencing me on purpose. He stated that he isnt trying to not give it to me but he doesn't have all of it at the moment and tried to give it to me on Monday. He continued to say that ever since he started summer school, its been kicking his ass, etc, etc. I said in shock, you don't have all of it, its not that much, he said no, I really don't. (I don't really believe him but he's been very broke with me before so maybe) and didn't mind putting it in the account if that's what I wanted. I said you know that's why I wanted it before you started summer school, I was afraid I was gonna have to wait. Just put what you can today, he said no because of his schedule. He took the opportunity to squeeze in some personal information to which I ignored. He said well I've been so busy, because I got accepted to xyz University and I've been driving back and forth for paper work and registration and its been taking all my time. I said well, as soon as you put any money in, text me or leave a vm, to which, he gave me a strange "ok"? I stated when you don't, its not clear, and sometimes because of my crappy provider I don't even know you called, if you leave something, I'm more likely to get it and respond back. (total embellishment) He said ok. I will put what I can and let you know. How are you, your doing ok? I said I'm fine, and went back to the topic of the money. He reiterated he is gonna make good on the money and hasn't forgotten, and I could feel that he was about to start a conversation with me and wanting to converse. I said well, I am at work, I have to go. He said ok, well bye, call me if you need anything..... um ok bye. CLICK I definitely felt relief that he wasn't trying to do me wrong. When I continued on with my best friend waiting, she was so impressed. She said, my goodness, you were so composed, firm yet kind and to the point, and at the same time convincing of why you didn't want much contact, talking him into a situation without him knowing it. lol I heard no anger from you, no sadness, just confidence business like control with some kindness, well done. BIG SMILE. So this is where I am at right now, relief. You know after all this, I still might not get it, but I did what I could, and I still feel fragile. So if he doesn't ever do it, he will have to live with it and I must wash my hands of it regardless. Thank you for reading this.
Gisele Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 It sounds like you handled it wonderfully sun_moon! Im so glad you're feeling a bit better about it. It must be infuriating and exhausting to have to deal with that, not to mention it stopping you from the peace and quiet of full NC!! I wouldn't make any more contact with him about it, he knows you're waiting on it, you've given him the means to deliver it. It must be incredibly annoying because it's YOUR money, but one way or another he'll have to hand it over eventually, and if it happens in a way with minimal contact on your part, so much the better In the end, he looks like an eejit for not paying you back promptly or in full, and for messing you around and not leaving voicemails. You've come out looking classy and composed, just like your friend said
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