question1 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Hi. I'm studying for my degree now, so still quite early days really but with my current and previous boyfriends we always seem to move quite fast and get emotionally involved quite quickly. My current boyfriend is lovely to be fair to him. He's sweet, and we get on really well in general, he'd be heartbroken if I ended it, he's really nice. But i'm not sure nice is really enough. At first everything was amazing, my friends thought he was a bit odd but i liked him so i went for it. we've only been going out around 8 months, and recently I get the feeling that he doesn't really try very hard with me, not intentionally, but I always seem to make the efforts to do things and even strike up conversation. He doesn't always appreciate what I do for him either, like cooking him dinner, I love doing it but he doesn't say thank you, none of this is in an intentional way and he's still lovely and sweet to me about it but he just doesn't think sometimes. Also he's put on a bit of weight recently, and I don't find him as attractive as i used to, but i cant just say that to him? This sounds big headed but i do always go for guys a bit less good looking than me, and i feel a little bit that even though in his eyes everything is perfect, and it really is pretty good, that i'm settling a bit with him. Theres nothing really wrong as such i'm just not sure if he's "the one." but then i'm still only really young so i have plenty of time, so do i keep on and give him much more of a chance or do i try to find someone amazing? i'm just scared that if i end it then i wont necessarily find someone as good as him again, and i also don't like being alone. Advice would be great, this is only my second serious relationship so i haven't got much to compare it to.
engravefeelthevoid Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I really dont understand you girls....isnt having him better than having an abusive boyfriend ? why do you girls always look for perfection ? I suggest you look at what good things he has to offer....try to play hard to get every once in a while or get him jealous to like make him reconsider....be honest and talk to him....
vsmini Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I really dont understand you girls....isnt having him better than having an abusive boyfriend ? why do you girls always look for perfection ? I suggest you look at what good things he has to offer....try to play hard to get every once in a while or get him jealous to like make him reconsider....be honest and talk to him.... Yea - because if the guy isn't beating the absolute sh*t out of you...that should be good enough.
stepka Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 It sounds like you're not really in love with him and after 8 months of being with him, you're probably not going to be. These are the kinds of scenarios that end badly if you don't end it soon b/c you guys will get engaged and then at the wedding your doubts will surface and you'll cancel and send everyone home after paying $20,000 in deposits. Or you'll marry him and have his kids and then tell him you need to find yourself. Go find yourself now b/c he gets in deeper. And you should never stay in a relationship b/c you're afraid to be alone--not fair to the guy. Would you want him to do the same to you? Would you want him to be with you b/c you have some qualities that he's afraid he won't find elsewhere so he settles with you? Thought not. Some other woman will love him just the way he is.
Leigh 87 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 After 8 months, you should know if your falling in love with a person or not; if your not, the previous poster is right in saying that you never will fall in love with him. ALthough you never said if you two loved one another yet or not. If you don't love each other by now, I would say 8 months is a fair amount of time to see if you will ever fall in love at all. I also second the poster who said that it is unfair of you to think that you are settling for him; you would not like the same thing to be done to you. You would NOT appreciate it if a guy was with you, thinking that he is only with u cos your good enough to hang out with, but nothing amazing. Lastly, I know it is nice to have some one to hug at night; relationships have some great perks. However, it is not healthy to be in ANY relationship, if you are not happy on your own first. You should be happy enough along, and a relationship should feel more like a great bonus to have in life; your life shou;d not feel un fulfilling and unhappy alone ( even though having a relationship with the right person is fantastic). Honestly, from what you have said, you NEED to end things ASAP! Yes it will be harder to be alone and it will feel better to be with him, but ultimately you will feel better in the long run if u develope the skills necessary to feel good alone, rather thaqn settling for a guy that u do not love or think is that great, on account of it is better than being alone.
Author question1 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Thank you so much everyone, that's really helped to clear my head. I've been thinking about it and although I do love him, its probably closer to a love you have for an amazing friend rather than a boyfriend now. At the start I was going through a "honeymoon phase" I think, and now its worn off slightly I'm doubting my feelings more and more. I really think your right about me needing to be happy on my own first, as for the past few years I've almost always had a steady boyfriend, and I know exactly how to function in a relationship but not so well without. I guess my main question is will anything more grow in the next few months and even perhaps long term or is an 8 month period sufficient to get a pretty clear picture of how the relationship is going to pan out. I don't like giving up on something pretty good, but at the same time, is staying around to see fair on either of us? This is the first time I've used one of these forums and everyone's been really helpful
engravefeelthevoid Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Anytime ! but can I ask you something ? what is it about his niceness that made you see him as a brother ? i'd like to know how it feels like/what went on in your mind....because I don't want to be seen as a brother in my future relationships....what could he have done different to avoid this ? in points or paragraphs Id appreciate it !
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