jazzbee Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Okay me and my bf have been dating for 8 months now and everything is going really well. The problem is we are both from very different cultures, He is East Indian and i am Metis' (native american/french). He has met my family and they are all really accepting because my parents of course are an interracial couple themselves. I have met his mother and she accepts me the problem is his father, my bf doesn't want me to meet his father. It's not that he is hiding me from him because he is ashamed he tells me its way more complicated. He says that his father is very strict and that no matter how sweet i am he won't accept me he says it doesn't even matter my race he said any woman his father won't accept. I don't know what to do because to me it is really important to meet my bfs parents especially if we are living together. Theres another problem we are living together, his mother knows but his father doesn't. My bf said that he would break it to his father when he feels his father is ready because the fact that he moved out already stresses his father. I know that East Indian parents are really strict and that some people don't even move out of their parents house. I just don't know what to do im scared that our relationship will end if his father doesn't accept me and like disowns his son for dating someone of another race. any advice? please comment Thanks
question1 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 That sounds really difficult! And I really hope that you and your boyfriend manage to sort things out. But I suppose if it were me,and feel free to disregard anything is suggest, Id look at the relationship and think about just how serious you want to be with this guy. If its something that you're not 100% sure on, after 8 months maybe thats the case, then I might understand your boyfriend a little more, you've got to imagine if he'd be willing to cause a rift between his dad and himself after a relatively short period of time. However, if you two are getting quite serious, living together sounds like perhaps you are, then his dad accepting you is a big issue. And if he is serious about you he really should at least tell his dad, he shouldn't have to hide you away. If he still resists saying its too complicated I'd be inclined to get a little annoyed, you should mean enough to him if you're going into a very serious relationship to at least try with his dad. Maybe he will meet you and like you, you never know until you try, no matter how unlikely he says it is. Basically I understand to a point, but past that if its going to work he has to make the effort to encourage his dad to accept you. Anyway, I hope thats helped you a little, and good luck!
Author jazzbee Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 yeah thanks that does help and that is also a problem for me i don't want to ruin his relationship with his dad. That's why ive been so quiet about it and i don't bug him about it, it's just that he said his mother was strict and she really lies me so it shouldn't be a problem for his dad but it still is. I just don't want to end up marrying my bf and meeting his father for the first time at our wedding you know i mean im not saying that would happen or not because ive only been dating him for 8 months but you never know right. Its just stressful i wish people were more accepting in our generation interracial relationships are almost like a norm you know.
question1 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I agree with the last post as well If you think he's special, fight for him. Be yourself and I'll bet even his father will accept you in the end. He may make a scene to start with and argue with your boyfriend but remember he's his dad, it would take more than a girlfriend who he disapproves of to ruin that completely. Give them both time, and Id talk to your boyfriend about it, not push him but this needs to be sorted if its bothering you
oldguy Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 (edited) First of all you're dating your boyfriend not his father and secondly trust your boyfriend to handle it in the matter he thinks is best. A very close friend of mine is Indian, he dated a white girl for 5 years before he told his father, both his sisters and mother knew about her, in fact they adored her. It's a very different culture, try to be accepting of it even though you may not understand. Great advise I agree 100% But I never heard the term Metis before. I was born in the U.S. but both my parents are from Quebec, I was told I was French Canadian with some Native American, (actually, Indian), but I never heard of Metis, I just though I was an olive skin white guy, lol. Thanks & good luck. I think DysfunctionlBachelor is spot on. Edited June 9, 2011 by oldguy
allina Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 If the mother and the rest of his family accept you I think the father will come around as well. What does his mother tell your bf about the situation with the father? Will she stick up for the relationship to the father? If not, and the father decides he wants nothing to do with your bf will your bf accept that or will he leave you? Not to be harsh but the father moved to Canada, so he needs to understand that this isn't India and his son will grow up at least partially Canadian. Is your bf willing to express this to him (in a nicer way)? I personally have a feeling that the father will come around. Indian parents can be set in their way but usually they come around for the sake of their kids.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Try not to obsess over it. The old geezer is a sink hole. If you have anything to do with him at all, kill him with kindness. Most old bastards like that let go of the hatred on paper when they get exposed to the loveliness that has attracted their child. Consider him a sad wretch who simply need see how wrong he is. If you act mean, he will just try to validate that he was right all along. Good luck.
izzydoesit27 Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Jazzbee, Please remember that the way your man/bf treats this matter can influence how his father will treat you as well. Your bf needs to man up. I was in the same boat your bf was many years ago. I dated outside my race and religion. My relationship was ruined because I did not do the right thing by her. He is dating outside his race not outside of his species. You are a human being, a child of his God and yours. His father will not be happy, but he will appreciate the truth much more than being kept in the dark about the woman his son loves. Best regards, Izzy
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