ddevil Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 ok so a tiny bit of back story.. 3 year 3 month relationship, ex dumps me, strings me along and uses me as support to move on, after 6 weeks of this I finally had enough and after a phone conversation I tell her I dont' want to talk anymore and go extremely strict NC. After 6 weeks of NC, I break this only once to send her a happy birthday text, she replied with a thank you after which went no further into conversation. Right back into NC. (which I prefer this way) I blocked her on FB, but during this NC period, she makes it a point to comment/ 'like' facebook activity on my family's fb pages. telling them she misses them, or to have a good time when doing something, etc. even so far as things that I am tagged in. She also still has pictures of us from holidays and stuff we did together on her page still. I meticulously went through my tagged pictures to remove all my tags and comments that were left over. Seeing this crap makes it very difficult for me to move on. my ex's mother texts me every now and again and I respond to her. Its a little bit of small talk, but I owe them some money so this line of communication is unfortunately a necessity until I pay them back. the conversation never steers towards my ex, and I keep details about my life to a minimum. my ex also still talks and hangs out with some of my friends, but in particular my best friend is going to hang out with her and some of her other friends this weekend for her birthday (she just turned 21). for the most part I am ok with this, but NC has helped me to rebuild my self confidence and forget about my ex, but I can't help but notice how much she makes it a point to touch base with my family a lot, and its sort of dragging me down a bit. its gotten to the point that my family is getting pissed off at her, especially since she's the one who dumped me. we obviously had a lot of mutual friends having dated so long, but people I met mutually through her I reduced my contact to almost nothing because I feel their loyalties would lie with her for obvious reasons. Some of them have deleted me/ blocked me on facebook and I'm not sure how I feel about this. I had a lot of them in a restricted group in my facebook friends for a while.. this is the only reason I could see them getting upset with me. I'm not sure what her motives are.. she's stated many times (i've heard her directly, and thru friends) that she is afraid of being hated. One would think she'd be contacting my family because she actually wants to contact me but won't because i told her not to.. but I'm beginning to think she just doesn't want to be seen as "the bad guy" in the situation. I'm looking for input here.. her actions make no sense. she dumps me, says she needs space, at first she is horribly upset calling me everyday, then she pulls herself away from me, then when I institute NC she starts making it a point to contact my family via FB on a semi regular basis.
RIO5 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 One thing you could do is simply tell her to stop IF it bothers you that much. If she doesnt want to look like the bad guy, well thats too bad. She cant have her cake and eat it too. I have been in your shoes before. Once I knew it was over, I made it clear to my friends and family to give her the cold shoulder. Unless you have a child with her (I am assuming you dont) then things are different. But If you dont, then she is going to have to deal with the consequences of her actions. You kinda contradicted yourself when you sent a text message saying Happy Bday. I know you were trying to be nice but no contact means...no contact. Every time she 'contacts' one of your friends and family members, she knows it bothers you. In a way, this girl still has power over you. Now imagine if she knew you were writing this right now, she would be doing back flips with excitement because she is getting exactly what she wanted: for you to think about her. I know its tough but try not to pay too much attention to what happens on facebook. If you didnt log on facebook as much or demonstrated that you didnt care, you wouldnt be in this position. You are correct: her actions dont make sense so thats even more reason to NOT pay attention to what she does. Once you demonstrate that no matter what she does has no effect on you, she will die down with the 'reaching out to your love ones'. She is playing games with you, once you stop that then its smooth sailing from there...
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