vsmini Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I've struggled with this in my last 3 relationships. Well - sort of. What I mean by losing yourself is when you're so wrapped up in a relationship that makes you feel so good that you start doing stupid things like turning down your friends in order to spend time with SO or putting the things you like on the back burner so you have more free time for them. I say I've sort of struggled with this because I actually have not cancelled plans with friends and/or given up my interests but almost feel like I have to force myself to keep these things in my life. I do not want to be the girl that makes her man the only thing in her life but I always feel pulled to do just that. Being with him feels so damn good and I want that more and more. Let me add that the guys have never pressured/guilted me into giving anything up. I'm 6 months into my new relationship and it's going very well - with a balanced head I can say he's my best match so far and I genuinely see a future with him and we've openly discussed it. We are not clingy and talk almost daily. Everything is good, balanced and healthy. My only concern is my initial reaction to make him numero uno all the time. I struggled with the same issue with my ex of 1.5 years. Kept all my interests and outside activities but often wanted to be with him. So - any tips on how to make this more natural for me? I hate the fact that I have to almost force myself to have a life in order to not become the girl I fear. Anyone have this problem or overcame it? Men or women? Thanks!
HappyPanda Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I was in a long term relationship that went down in flames and left me really broken... and with residual issues with intimacy and attachment... The guy I dated after him, I was SO goo goo ga ga over him that I completely lost myself in him... Once we broke up (for various reasons, including the aforementioned) I realized the error of my ways. I feel like a lot of times when people get into relationships, they seem to forget that the other important people in their life, friends, family, colleagues.. are relationships too. And they also require time, work, and respect to maintain. The guy you're dating now, was interested in you because of who you are independently of him. You have to maintain this balance... It keeps the spark alive, it keeps the air of mystery alive, and in my opinion, it keeps my sanity alive to know that I have my own life outside of my boyfriend... Think about it this way: Lets say (for mathematics sake) people have 10 significant others in their lives... and one. MAYBE one, if you're lucky, is forever. Thats a 90% fail rate. Keep the people who love you in your life... Because they're the ones who will be there for you when you need help picking up the pieces.
DreamerGirl27 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I hate this sort of mentality. There is a "one" and when you find him, you'll want to spend all of your time with him and I find this natural. I could give 2 sh**s about the rest of my friends. If I found my soul mate, that'd be the that. Who cares about other people? The only other important people in my life are my ONE best friend and my parents.
Author vsmini Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 I hate this sort of mentality. There is a "one" and when you find him, you'll want to spend all of your time with him and I find this natural. I could give 2 sh**s about the rest of my friends. If I found my soul mate, that'd be the that. Who cares about other people? The only other important people in my life are my ONE best friend and my parents. Yea - this is exactly what I never want to become. Thanks - this kind of snapped me back into reality.
Woggle Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 It's perfectly natural at the start of a good relationship to want to spend most of your time with then. As things progress they should balance themselves out more. Don't break up with him to prevent this because I get the feeling you are gearing up for it in your posts.
Author vsmini Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 It's perfectly natural at the start of a good relationship to want to spend most of your time with then. As things progress they should balance themselves out more. Don't break up with him to prevent this because I get the feeling you are gearing up for it in your posts. Really? Heck no- I've never broken up with a guy because of this and I don't plan on it with this one. I have it really good and so does he. I'm just trying to get myself balanced out so it doesn't become a problem down the road.
Woggle Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Really? Heck no- I've never broken up with a guy because of this and I don't plan on it with this one. I have it really good and so does he. I'm just trying to get myself balanced out so it doesn't become a problem down the road. I apologize if it sounded like I was doubting you. Maybe I shouldn't judge your relationship but I never underestimate some women's ability to completely ruin a healthy relationship though you sound like you have your head on straight. If your relationship and friendships are healthy things should naturally even out.
Author vsmini Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 I apologize if it sounded like I was doubting you. Maybe I shouldn't judge your relationship but I never underestimate some women's ability to completely ruin a healthy relationship though you sound like you have your head on straight. If your relationship and friendships are healthy things should naturally even out. oh - yea, no worries. Girls that dump good guys over their own neurosis make me cringe.....and it's really common.
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