ThatBwoii Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Basically, 2 year relationship, got togther and fell in love so fast, she ment everything to me and i do mean that all the way. She did go with somebody else about 2 months into the relationship. I Split up with her because she went on holiday and hanged around with some guys and they was trying it on with her, she said she was going to try and get away from them but i found out she was still with them, so i split up with her and she had sex with this other guy, when she came back from holiay she didnt amit it to me, after a long conversation she addmitted to kissing one off them, which i understood. Few months own the line i found out that they had had sex. I Was not happy about this at all but i got on with it and we sorted it out and we decided to carry on with the relationship, 2 Years later, i started to ignore her quite alot, we never went out but the love was still there, i still cuddled her in bed, made her feel like an angel and we still shared good times togther. Until one night she went to a house party and i knew something was going on so i split up with her, i know it was the wrong thing to do at the time but i just wanted to make her realize that magnitude of the situation and that i did not like what she was doing, from that point on she just totally cut me out. she acted like she did not want to know me, after asking her repeatdly on the phone wheter she had gone with somebody else she told me that she had kissed this one guy, AGAIN. i started to get very upset and i told her that i had seen somebody else too, just to show her how it feels. I looked on her facebook and she had became friends with one off the guys that was at the party nd he had put on his status that he was in a relationship and he was going to meet hhis girlfriend, and her name was mentioned, i then asked her if she was with him and she said no. I Rang a few nights later to see what was happening and this guy answered the phone, he told me that she was with him and to leave her alone. I asked that he put her on the phone and he did, she said to me that she just wanted to be friends with me and that was it. I Started to beg and plead that she come to her sences and she didnt, I rang her the next day and i was in a state, i was crying and pleading that i missed her and loved her unconditionally, it was at tht point she told me that she had had sex with him. I Broke down even more and stared to have a semi-breakdown on the phone to her, i dropped the phone and was in the ambulance, she kept ringing and ringing to see if i was ok and my step-mum answered the phone and told her off for what she had done, the next day she phoned me and told me that she wanted her things back from my house. (we lived togther) i returned home from hospital later that day to see that she was collecting her things from my house and she had a friend with her waiting outside. she collected everything and went. From that day forward she totally ignored me, said hurtfull things to me and didnt seem to give a **** at all, until i met somebody else few days later she told me that she was hearbroken, we had a long phone conversation and it ended up with me paying for a taxi for her to see me, she came to my house and smiled and kissed me, spent the night in each others arms. The next morning she woke up and received a text from the other guy to come and meet her, she told me she had to go and that she was going to the town with her mum to sort out some new clothes, i started to break down again because i knew she was lying to me. I let her leave and i rang her about a hour after and she was leaving her house to go and meet that guy. I Tryed to tell the other guy what had happened but she had already told him not to belive me, so he didnt, he told me that i was obsessed with her and that i was dilusional. She had told everybody it never happened. I left and went NC for a few days after that, i went out with friends and started to feel the slightest bit better. As soon as i was on my own again i started to break down again, crying etc etc and i ended up ringing her to see if we could sort things out again, but again she totally ignored me an put the phone down on me. She has completely ignored me for quite a while now and i am feeling that she just generally dosent give a **** about me, she would tell me about all the good times she is having with her new boyfriend down the phone to me , she even told me how many timws they have had sex, etc etc. But i did not get upset down the phone, i simply told her about all the good things that i was doing and she started to talk less and less, it seemed like she was annoyed at me again. She puts the blame for the whole break-up on me, she told me i did not care about her, i did not pay attention to her. but i did pay attention to her , just not all the time. I just dont get how she could let 1 person come between a 2 year relationship that she had just met, i feel like absolute **** that it has happened to me because i did not deserve it at all. Now the new guy says that he loves her, and she says it back, they have been togther for two weeks, they have had sex, cuddled in bed, exchanged clothes, i know that he does not trust her because he keeps asking her about me all the time. I really dont know what i have done wrong, she told me that we were just too young to settle down, she told me that she loves me to bits but she was never in love with me, that she wished we were friends from the start instead off lovers. I REALLY need help on this one, i dont know what to do and she just seems like she dosent care in the slightest. she is happy and has moved on? she got with another guy she had just met 1 day after we had split up, she dosent seem to feel any off the pain that i feel at all. I was always good to her, i never cheated, never lied, never hurt her at all. Im fining it very hard to let go off her because off what has happened, i know that i need to but what can i do? i try NC and i always end up talking to her. i always end up folding, i really dont know what i can do to make things better, i hate being alone and i hate the fact that she dosent have to be alone, like she should be. I hate this whole situation, and i just wish that i had never met her. Please people, help me out. help me through this, because i do want to see a brighter day. Im so hurt and she just dosent seem to care at all, it all happened so fast and im finding it so hard to cope with it, she wasnt just my lover she was everything to me. We were best friends aswell. Any help is much appreciated.
Nohbody Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 She is doing her thing right now. That thing doesn't seem to involve you. The guy is helping her not deal with her feelings for you - but don't worry - they are still in there somewhere. Stay NC, work on developing emotional distance so you can more clearly see what is happening. She appears to be immature and very needy of attention (if not yours, then someone else's). She may figure out you're the best thing going for her, or she may not. Be careful, protect yourself, and try to let her go, for now anyway.
nessaaa Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 How old are you? Seems like she enjoys hurting you :S.
Author ThatBwoii Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 im 20, she is 18 next month. And it seems like she genuinly just dosent give a crap about me or my feelings at all.
dreamscape123 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 My friend, first of all, I know the pain and hurt you are feeling, as I am feeling the same too in my situation right now too.... Your situation is different to mine in many ways, but the pain is the same. Rather than go into it, see the thread i wrote about my situation ( my girlfriend dumped me, and then went off with someone else within a few days ) There is some good advice from people on there. I also take a lot of comfort knowing that i am not alone, and many many of us are going through the same heart ache, same shock, confusion etc etc.... even though we can feel very alone... The common thing that comes up would seem that time heals all wounds... Not what you want to hear i know, i want to feel good now, and if the truth be told, i want my girl back. But that may never happen, as hard as this is for me to take in right now... I saw a recent post on here tat gave me an idea, which did help relax me slightly , even if it was for only a few hours.... Think of a set of scales, and one one side, all the good reasons for you breaking up, with all the bad things that have happened. On the other side, all the reasons not to break up... You may well find yourself very suprised at the results ... In your situation it seems your partner has a problem with loyalty. In my case my girl was loyal, but after a perfect 2 years went straight off with another guy within a week of our break up... I was her first and only love and her first sexual partner which ment alot to both of us. Makes it even more hurtful, but I am trying to stay strong..
nessaaa Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Dude stop talking to her then, dont call her anymore all she does is hurt you. You dont need to be hearing that shes having sex with other guys. She's not feeling any of the pain cuz your still there wrapped around her finger plus she has another guy. Maybe you should show her that you could move on and be happy without her?
dreamscape123 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 She is doing her thing right now. That thing doesn't seem to involve you. The guy is helping her not deal with her feelings for you - but don't worry - they are still in there somewhere. Stay NC, work on developing emotional distance so you can more clearly see what is happening. She appears to be immature and very needy of attention (if not yours, then someone else's). She may figure out you're the best thing going for her, or she may not. Be careful, protect yourself, and try to let her go, for now anyway. 100% agree here too..... Very hard to come to terms with and demonstrates the clasic rebound in my case. Hopfully they do figure things out... but if not, you need to be ready to look after yourself and your own feelings... When their feelings are clouded by another person, it does take a while for them to see things in their true light and to make sence of it all... takes time unfortunatly... ( the curse of all break ups )
Author ThatBwoii Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 i feel like i need to meet somebody nice and really hit it off with them, not in a relationship sort off way. just a nice way!! i could really do with some girl attention to help me. And i think that your situation is worse, because now your and her are not the only ones in the picture, you were her first, which will always make her special to you, and make you special to her. I keep telling myself, this happens to the best of us, but at the same time i feel like one day she will regret it, and it could be so easy to get her back in the future, that its just not the time right now. and i think that the situation is the same for you. I guess only time will tell. I Hope your ok and i hope the best for you. because your a good guy, dont ever let a girl make you think you arent a good guy.
dreamscape123 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 ThatBwoii - thanks , and I also hope things work out for you too. Its this kind of support that does help . Meeting someone else may perhaps help you, but be very careful it does not have a detrimental effect. You could have a fun evening and it help clear your mind , but you could think about your girl even more, and start to compare them. This could end up hurting you even more. This evening I went and had a soscial drink with a female friend of mine who i have known for a long time, purely just friends, and even that made me think of my ex, and i started to question if i was really doing the right thing..... Plays games with my mind.... Its a tough time, thats for sure....
Author ThatBwoii Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 I Feel like i deserve to be happy. which i do. its just so hard when all i can think about is her, i shouldnt have been the one with the short end off the stick, i knew her for a long time and she was very close to me. i need somebody to be close with, not emotionally, i just need somebody to rely on till i get things sorted out in my head.
dreamscape123 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 yes, you are right, you do deserve to be happy and yes, i know exactly what you mean about thinking about her ALL the time as I think about my ex too, and it is tough, very tough, but talking about these things does help, and knowing you are not alone either. I am trying the NC approach at the moment. I sent her a couple of long emails explaining my feelings, pointing out about her rebound thing and stuff. Just hope she actually reads and thinks about it...Eventually she will, i am sure, but at the moment she is distracted... I am keen to see if NC works , but that also is hard, as i just keep wanting to tell her how i feel....
Author ThatBwoii Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 dreamscape, i think we need to talk in private, and we need to do this togther, it will make things ten times easier.
dreamscape123 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 yup i agree, problems shared are problems halved. Its 01:54 am here, not sure where in the world you are, and I am off to bed now, but i will be back on in the morning, so stay in touch and we can see what we can come up with my friend...
Author ThatBwoii Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Yea, its the same time here, im from the midlands in england, i was thinking that maybe we could do a NC timeline togther or something. that would be great Will talk 2moz. take it easy m8y
dreamscape123 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Sounds like a good idea, although this morning I woke up to feel really crap again... Its like one minute i think good things , then sink back down.. i have not broken NC but its a struggle today mate, i tell you..... I just want to keep reminding her that i am here , and wonder what she is thinking.. and is she missing me in anyway at all, and i keep thinking if i break NC it reminds her i am here, and will it kick start her into thinking about things and missing me.... Alternatively it could push her further away and make her dig her heals in.... Man.. this is rough
Author ThatBwoii Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 I dont they are forgetting about us, women find it hard to take a break up seriously unless you are the one sayiing no to them, or you are going with another women. Especially if you are talking to them, they will try and keep you in that position... This is my first day of NC, nearly a month after the break up.
dreamscape123 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 very interesting point, that i can relate to from being the one threatening to break things off... She text, called, left voice mails and was completely distraught. It did give me power, and made me feel in total control.... I did listen to her of course, and things worked out just fine. To see how she acted then showed me how much she wanted me... But if she had then gone NC on me, it would have got me thinking... and i would have gone running... but thats just me, and not perhaps how she feels and what she will do.. after all , the reasons for our break up here is totally different situation...
Author ThatBwoii Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 The thing you gotta do is think of it this way, a women wants what they cant have, they dont like needyness, they will never let you go easy (They will hurt you in the process) Also they want somebody who is kool, secure, etc etc My girl dosent think about the future, she thinks about the present, the past catch's up with her eventually, WE NEED TO DO NC TOGTHER DREAMSCAPEE!!
dreamscape123 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 We sure do ThatBwoii . I dont mean this in a spiteful way, but i really hope my ex does realise what she has thrown away, and i do hope this all bites her in the ass big time... I dont want her to hurt, I just want her to come to her senses if you see what i mean...
Author ThatBwoii Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Trust me, if we keep NC i think that they will. at the end of the day Most ( NOT ALL! ) Women dont realize what they had until its gone. Are you really gone tho?? No. Your still there in her palm, You talking to her will ease her feels for you. Unfortunatly you have to make yourself out to be the one that cares less. Even if you do care more,
dreamscape123 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Its almost like calling their bluff, and removing that power from them and what they hold over you... Its like what i said a little earlier about when the roles were reversed, and i felt the power i had over her and the control of the situation...if she had said " ok fine , if thats how you are going to be.." and gone NC, i would have been stumped....... of course i didnt end it then, and we became even closer after the disagreement... Just wish she would do the same...
Author ThatBwoii Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 There's 2 way to get the ex back, 1 is to make them jealous. the other is to go NC Only other choice after that is Totally getting over them.
dreamscape123 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 exactly right. and to be honest NC is the way. Its a pain in the ass, because anyway takes time, and is not an instant solution. Small things are bugging me today. I have the tv on here, and just seen some adverts. Even they remind me of her, when we would be cuddled up, watching tv, seeing those adverts.. etc Laying in bed last night, in the bed she lost her big V to me. The good times and very loving special times we shared in there.... and i dont mean that in a perv way, I do mean it that it was very loving.... All i want to do is remind her of those times, in a hope to refresh those feelings in her about me... but I have mailed without success within the last week or so, so NC it is.... Guess we do have to ride this one out together Mate....
Author ThatBwoii Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 She does remember all those times, but she see's them in a new light, i can tell you about my ex's, i had a 1 year relationship with a girl who was cheating on me throughout it all. When i finally met somebody else, it cast a VERY dark cloud over her, she wouldnt leave me alone after that. It made her look small. I Never wanted to see her again, and 99% off my attention was on my new girl anyway, so i didnt have to go NC or w/e, i just simply didnt care, that will be the way our ex's feel about us now, maybe not as bad but probably somewhat close to it. You gotta understand that no relationship is perfect, the new relationship will finish its honeymoon period and will be boring. Thats when the love will kick in, when she has been spending so much time with this new guy, then turns around to look at you, and you are not there.
dreamscape123 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 again, i completely agree.. I am going to try and post a link here for you to have a quick read of... It says almost exactly the same thing, and is worth a quick look at mate.. http://getexgirlfriendbacknow.info/win-your-ex-back/rebound-relationship-it-can-work-in-your-favor/ thats the link.... its well worth the read mate. Tell me what you think..
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