Steve11 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Its been 2 months since we split. I met her last week to give her stuff back & have a drink. All went well, when i walked her to her car i said sorry for allowing things to get to this ( i was a bit self involved on the new house i bought & didnt give time to the relationship) & that i want to fight for her. She said it was too late, if i asked at the start of the split then it'd been different, but shes moved on. I said i still had feelings for her, which is why the whole scenario is difficult for me. I need to move on. Its been a week of no contact. It's hard. Very hard. Everyday i say, i'll text her tomorrow, inviting her for drinks. I'm prolonging the pain. I'm hopeing she'll text. Argh! (she ended it, btw)
Nohbody Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 You have no idea if you had asked at the beginning if that would have changed anything. It probably would not have. She said that so that you would be responsible for the situation, not her.
knathema Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Hey steve, don't beat yourself up too much here. She ended it with you, what made you think that it would have made a different ? Keep up the NC, because you'll need it to heal! good luck
Shadowburn Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Sounds like she expected you to do all the begging and pleading in the beginning, and felt deflated when you just walked away. I agree with others - most likely, that would never have worked. Just read countless posts here about the same thing. You're doing fine. Keep NC.
Author Steve11 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 I'm gonna text her, ask her to dinner. I need to give it one last chance to get it off my conscience.
dng Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I'm gonna text her, ask her to dinner. I need to give it one last chance to get it off my conscience. My little advice that will turn out to be true later, 99%: Don't. She's already shifting all the blame on you, that's why you feel so ****ty. You already went for a drink and tried. Walk away. Its the hardest thing you've ever done, possibly, but do it. Slowly the fog will lift and you will start to realize this was the right thing. Courage, brother.
Aqua066 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Steve its way to early to do that! Its only been a week! What do u think has changed in a week? Give her more time to miss you... I would say in the very least 30 days. 60 days even better! This time is not only for her to reflect on your relationship and start to miss you but its for you to get your **** together... if you reach out to her this early you will surely come off as needy. This will push her further away guarenteed! Stick w no contact for awhile longer. Set a goal for 30 days and see how u feel then.. I'm pulling for you man... Aqua
Nohbody Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Agreed, give her some time to get over her self-imposed victimhood before you ask her to dinner. Your heart is in the right place, but you need to just give it more time.
Author Steve11 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Thanks for the advice. I pretty much said what was needed to be said when we met, but want try one last time. If you think leaving it longer will help then I will.
giuliano-3 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Hey man, I've battled with the whole contact/NC thing for over a year now. I know the pain you're going through. Believe me, you do not want the extra pain of stringing things along, hoping for some explanation as to why things happened or for some door to her heart to open back up. Its really not worth it. As people have tried to tell me "if she really wants to get back together she'll fight for it." If she really wants to fight for it, you won't need to send any texts to make it happen. It will happen without you prodding it into action. Its understandable to change your mind, flip-flop on how you feel. You are deep in the woods right now. Do yourself a favor, not much good can come from communication where one or both of the parties is not in the right place. Some people here wish for their ex to call back or wish they'd had an opportunity to change the way things were. At this point I almost wish my ex hadn't contacted me 3 months after the unceremonious dumping. I'd be farther out of the woods at this point. Nobody's perfect, we all make mistakes - whatever you do hold your head high and remember to forgive yourself once in a while.
Author Steve11 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Thats awesome advice, mate. I told her how I felt when we met, saying that I still had feelings for her, she said she moved on. I've just gotta deal with the fact that no little text is going to get her back. If she wants me, she knows where I am. Best she get there soon tho, coz I won't wait around forever.
Author Steve11 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Argh. One minute i'm not gonna contact & then i'm thinking if i don't, she'll forget about me & i'll miss the opportunity to try and reconcile. Then when i'm on the verge of contact, i think about what everyone else has said. I'm stuck in limbo.
giuliano-3 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Man, I've been there. Stuck in limbo. The first two/three months were brutal for me. But even up to a couple of days ago I was doubting things. And I have no doubt that I may change my mind again. There are no soothsayers here. Nobody has all the answers. Take what you need to take, hear what you need to hear. The jungle is thick around you right now. The way out sucks, with pitfalls everywhere. Its much easier to be in stasis and let the vines surround you, fading farther from the light. Its super easy. I didn't find this forum until I let my mindset rot for a year. Be glad you found it sooner. It will get better, then worse, then a lot better, then a little worse...and on and on. Luckily flip-flopping isn't a crime, otherwise I'd be doing major time because of this girl.
Author Steve11 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 I'm gonna wait till sunday. I've got a night out with the lads on saturday. If i can't forget about her when i'm with all my mates, then i'm gonna give it one last shot. If that fails, then i'll have to man up!
Author Steve11 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Scratch that. I'll text tomorrow, so i know by saturday & then i can drown my sorrows with my mates & get my own back by chatting to girls.
Shadowburn Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Hmm, let me try. I think you need to change your perspective a little. You told her you still have feelings for her....what was her response? She HAS MOVED ON. She could've said she still has feelings for you too, she missed you, she wishes you'd still be together, she thinks of you often - anything - but she said what she said. She's moved on. At the very least, I think you should be respectful of that. What your little text is going to accomplish? She may respond out of politeness (I always respond to the infrequent texts be my ex - doesn't mean I want him or relationship back). Of she may not respond at all, because she's basically told you in no uncertain terms she's done. My 2c - stay NC for at least a month. The very least. Better yet - 3 months, and then reevaluate do you even care for the girl that much. By that time, you may be thinking - good riddance.
Author Steve11 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 (edited) Thank you. It's always good to have to put into perspective. My only problem is I keep asking myself - what if? If I text, she might if had a change of heart & is pleased I texted. But, if she had a change of heart then she would of contacted me. Edited June 10, 2011 by Steve11
Author Steve11 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Do you think she'll actually miss me at all?
jacksonBrown Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 i went no contact with my ex GF for 3 weeks then txt'd her and asked her out for coffee and she said maybe she'l let me know which pretty much mean no. then i sent her an email telling her i loved her and so on and how i've changed she replyed with ' that was a thortfull email but i just cant do it any more and i need to respect that' so i'm going NC now, if they want to get back with us they iniciate it
Author Steve11 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 (edited) Yeah. I just feel a little useless at the mo. I couldn't of said much more, but I can't move on because I keep checking my phone for messages from her. When I don't have a message it makes me depressed! It's the thought of her with another man that kills me too. I expect she's having a great time! Edited June 10, 2011 by Steve11
Author Steve11 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Well, another few days of no contact. Miss her a fair bit today. Ah well. What I would do for just a text from her!
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