dispatch3d Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I dunno, things are pretty slanted. Hot women are definitely near the top of the totem pole (in general) - and it seems like online dating benefits women quite a bit. A lot of women just take a lot of really good pictures of themselves anyways.
Disillusioned Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I noticed that there aren't too many threads anymore asking LSers to "rate their online dating profile" and instead more threads just b*tching about the nature of online dating. I am really curious to see what those posters' profiles look like. The catch-22 about that is that no matter how good a person thinks their profile is, everyone else is always going to find something wrong with it. Asking other people to critique your profile is like trying to be everything to everyone... then after you're finally done whittling it down, it's nothing to anyone. If you're doing online dating, you need to take your written profile and your photos seriously. It needs to be treated like your resume. You wouldn't leave your resume in shambles and in need of updates, would you? I seriously doubt it. Why in the world would you have your online dating profile like that? Because dating isn't supposed to be taken seriously. Didn't any of your friends ever teach you that when you were a teenager? Why else would most people's profiles include pics of them making that same goofy smile and leaning on 2 of their friends with glasses of booze in their hand in some bar?
Imajerk17 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 (edited) Hi Bertram, Honest answer. I don't think it's the type of men, but online dating fosters in women a sense of entitlement. I got sucked into that. And I picked the wrong men to like. Never in a million years would I have contacted him on an online site. Or responded to an email. For one thing, he doesn't look good in photos. For another, he's 17 years younger. And he's highly intellectual and I am intimidated by men who are tech geeks. Our first date was totally like any other date I had online. The difference was he was completely single and had no women lurking around. And I had no guys that I was talking to. We were able to relax and didn't feel like we had to compete with other prospects. My BF would have gotten eaten alive with online dating I think. The guy is 5' 6" and his gorgeous eyes, face, smile and sexiness doesn't translate in photos. Few women (including me, I'm afraid. Sorry, I suck) would have known this guy is a massive catch. I am saying my mea culpas now. I passed on some great men I dated b/c I wanted someone "better." Whatever that better was, I have no idea. I was pretty messed in the head by online dating. Of course, YMMV. But I wanted to be honest and to apologize. Cee, thank you for writing this, because it sums up something I've noticed myself in doing OLD: Meeting up with women and sensing that they aren't really "present" to begin with. Or going on dates that supposedly have gone very well, only to hear the woman say that she isn't interested in a second date. Anyway, maybe you described precisely what was happening with these women that I had gone out with. It had baffled me for the longest time, and I did take what happened personally. My take: OLD is a way to meet other people, but we need to keep some things in mind. The first is the awkwardness that comes from meeting someone that way. Give it some time to warm up. The second is that we are screening based on the ability to present a good profile, which does NOT always translate into actually being a suitable partner. I went on a great first date this past weekend (from online) that lasted 24 hours. We are getting together again. We will have to see how this goes though. So far, so good... Edited June 9, 2011 by Imajerk17
NoReallyThatHappened Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 The first time you meet someone from online it shouldn't even be a date! It's more a "Are you remotely normal and sane?" meeting. Most people don't get past that initial screening phase for me. One guy went on and on about his "friend" the swinger, one whipped out an astrology book to check if I was compatible with his birthday, one was mute the entire time, one looked NOTHING like the 5 year old photo (obviously) he had posted (but he thought I would be impressed that he was some big shot corporate lawyer...next), one was 20 minutes late and started screaming at me from his car because I was leaving the agreed upon venue because I assumed I had been stood up. I hardly think I was acting picky or entitled. I met ONE guy who was super awesome out of all of that (even with all my effort in the profile). I still had to put in the effort on my profile though. An online dating profile does NOT equal an instant relationship. It's a venue for meeting people to see if you might want to get to know them and date them.
NoReallyThatHappened Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 You know what's also funny, I do NOT do what those guys do, and I put an equal amount of effort as you did in your profile as I did in mine, even my initial email is well thought out....still...no response. I wonder why I see women in here just saying they get emails from guys saying, "You're hawt, hit me up." or something brief like that? I never heard a woman in here stated that they got a well-thought out, wonderful email and a very well done profile with pictures. No one every says anything about why they don't respond to THOSE guys. You know...the ones with substance AND potential? I meant people who wrote that as their entire profile. If they didn't bother to fill it out, then I wasn't going to bother to respond. It depends on who you email. I didn't respond to people who clearly didn't have the things I listed as important to me, like education.
fishtaco Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Online dating experience for men is quite different from women. But I agree. Don't complain, do something about it instead. I have the solution: don't do online dating. 100% of my relationships come from approaching women in real life. Again I'm going to recommend for men to not use online dating.
mr.dream merchant Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I can't really take the online dating thing seriously, as if I don't have enough things to invest into. :/ Treat my profile like my resume? Initial contact like a cover letter? **** sounds like a writing assignment, no thanks. Rofl, I'd rather meet a woman in real life and charm my way into her life, that's been working for me so far. :S
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 So very, very true. This is why I also deleted many messages from guys--it was clear they didn't take what they were doing seriously, so how could I be convinced that they would take a relationship seriously? But... is that true? Can these parts of a guys profile truly predict if they are a good match for you? I think it's just a retarded tool to lower the number of guys you have to deal with vs. actually controlling quality. Instead, make a paper airplane with the name of each guy who msgs you. Then toss each airplane down the stairs and only respond to the one that goes the farthest. That will probably get you better results.
oaks Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 No one every says anything about why they don't respond to THOSE guys. You know...the ones with substance AND potential? I assume it's because they just don't fancy you (or me, or whoever). Doesn't seem to need much explanation.
oaks Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Because dating isn't supposed to be taken seriously. I think I know what TigressA is getting at, but you have a point here. Dating is supposed to be fun, first, rather than serious, but if you're really looking for a relationship then you need to put some effort in to it to present yourself in a good light via your profile; some people seem unable to do this.
oaks Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 The first time you meet someone from online it shouldn't even be a date! It's more a "Are you remotely normal and sane?" meeting. Most people don't get past that initial screening phase for me. Don't tell me you play the "this isn't a date" game? I bet the guys think it's a date.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I recommend balanced approach. Don't rely on online dating only, but use it to supplement real life approaches. Just don't slack off on going out with friends and other venues where you can meet potentials. As a woman, online dating is all about large quantity, low quality. Meeting people IRL is the opposite. Since you only need one person, either can work.
irc333 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I assume it's because they just don't fancy you (or me, or whoever). Doesn't seem to need much explanation. Well, I just find it ironic when they say IN their profile that they're looking for certain qualities. Some were even obscure characteristics and interests.... Well, I'm one of those guys, I have emailed EVERY woman that's was looking for those qualities, interests, belief system, etc. Some seemed to have a splittin image of what I had...and still no response I would even elaborate on certain characterstics and interests, like hiking, "Oh, I like hiking, do you have any favorite parks you like to go hiking it, any trails? How many miles?" etc. Still no answer.
fishtaco Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Well, I just find it ironic when they say IN their profile that they're looking for certain qualities. Some were even obscure characteristics and interests.... Well, I'm one of those guys, I have emailed EVERY woman that's was looking for those qualities, interests, belief system, etc. Some seemed to have a splittin image of what I had...and still no response I would even elaborate on certain characterstics and interests, like hiking, "Oh, I like hiking, do you have any favorite parks you like to go hiking it, any trails? How many miles?" etc. Still no answer. When you ask your female friends, what kind of men are you looking for? They'll give you a giant laundry list of traits they like in a man. Then eventually they get into a relationship, and the man has nothing to do with that list. When you date online, you are trying to fit that list. The women are finding men that fit that list. But the truth is, that list isn't what the woman wants. Approach in real life, then you bypass the list and go for instinct and vibe. Date online, first you have to survive the list, and then you still have to get pass instinct and vibe -- you have to run the gauntlet twice to get far enough to elicit romantic interest. I like how U_F described online dating. The only purpose of the "matching system" is to reduce quantity. It does not increase the likelyhood of finding an actual match. Because potential matches are filtered out as often as non-matches. I believe the flaw is that the mechanism of the matching system is artificial and based on logic only. But who to be attracted to is an emotional decision. The only thing online dating offers is quantity for women. Post a pretty picture, and they'll be slammed with interested suitors. It's quite a nice ego boost. Other than that, pretty useless IMHO.
dispatch3d Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 The analogy to a resume is pretty good actually. Girls really do surf those things thinking "meh this guy would probably meet with me". For the most part they are right. So I guess from women's point of view this is just one giant application process haha. The best way to go about it then, would be to cast yourself as a cool guy who does a ton of interesting things. Meaning hit as many possible "oooo that seems cool" as you can. Pictures of you surfing, sky diving, doing other cool **** (even if it only happened once) will put you way up in their fancy list. Even if this sort of thing only happened one or two times. Girls also seem to be into degrees, accomplishments, successful men, good looking men, etc. As far as actual guys who are high quality/get laid anyways. Yeah, I hear you on not bothering with this crap. I don't see how this setup really appeals to them. Oh and obviously from the famales perspective, this whole thing is "wtf this is so easy. Just don't have any spelling mistakes and you'll get dates!" haha not quite the same (for men)!
Dust Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 As a man online dating is a horrible experience. I’ve only ever done the free sites and had no success. My friends who use online dating never seem to have lasting relationships and date a lower quality of women. Most guys including my self I’ve talked to are in agreement that for the most part the quality of selection online is lower for a man. It just feels so unnatural and like such a waste of time to reduce myself to some pictures, interest, height, and career. I’d much rather meet a girl at the park, a party, the beach etc. This way I get to pick the girls I go after so I know they are attractive to me and I have fun skipping the lets meet in person step of the internet. Seriously I feel you would be better of sending random msg’s to girls on facebook then online dating. Men take back our power in the dating world and do not online date. You give these women the opportunity to date multiple men as if they were trying on suits. Take back your power men and make it so she has to get asked out. (or if she has the balls ask the guy out)
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