tigressA Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I noticed that there aren't too many threads anymore asking LSers to "rate their online dating profile" and instead more threads just b*tching about the nature of online dating. I am really curious to see what those posters' profiles look like. IMO, you should expect to get what you put out in online dating. Your profile needs to be well-written, positive, funny, descriptive, an illustration of your shining self. Your pictures need to be up to date, and you need to have at least 3, with at least 1 being a full-body shot. No excuses like "Oh I don't have any good pictures" or "I can't ask anyone to take pictures of me because it's embarrassing". If you're doing online dating, you need to take your written profile and your photos seriously. It needs to be treated like your resume. You wouldn't leave your resume in shambles and in need of updates, would you? I seriously doubt it. Why in the world would you have your online dating profile like that? Sure, I'm a woman, and from what many people say an attractive one, so why listen to me, right? I apparently have got it so much better in the online dating realm, and dating overall just because I have a cute face and a vagina. The thing is, though, that I wouldn't have had it as good as I did when I was online dating if I hadn't worked to make sure my profile and photos hadn't been up to par. If I hadn't taken my profile content seriously then I wouldn't have had nearly as much success. Almost every message I got while online dating had a compliment on my profile--that it was funny, that I seemed like a "really cool chick", etc. I even got an award for my profile from another user on the site. If I hadn't treated my profile with the importance it deserves, I wouldn't have had good dates. I wouldn't have the relationship I have now. Like attracts like. Put out positive, fun, intelligent vibes in your profile and in your photos and you will get positive responses to your messages. You will get more dates. Online dating is hard work, but if you put your nose to the grindstone making yourself stand out then it will pay off. If you go in half-assed thinking it's all a joke, all you will get back are jokes. It all starts with the profile and the photos. Like a resume, the "it" factor needs to be there or else you will never get where you want to go.
Author tigressA Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 The thing is, though, that I wouldn't have had it as good as I did when I was online dating if I hadn't worked to make sure my profile and photos hadn't been up to par. Oops, typo. I meant HAD been up to par. And thanks, Honey.
AmericanHoney Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 No problem! If you think about it online dating is almost like a job interview. You go through all the candidates ( reading their profile,etc) checking out their resumes and if something strikes you message that person.
SmileFace Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Great thread. I don't see how people complain about online dating when they don't actually take it serious. If that makes sense
NoReallyThatHappened Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I put a lot of time and effort into my profile, pictures, responses, and initial emails. With online dating people have to put their best foot forward and work at it to get anywhere. Nobody is going to say "Gee, he's single, I'm single...might as well date!" Both people have to mutually want to get to know each other and decide if they are a good match. I can't tell you how many messages I deleted from guys who wrote something lame like "I thought I'd try this...hit me up if you want to know me." If someone is that lazy and completely not invested in the process then I don't think they would make a good partner.
Author tigressA Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 If someone is that lazy and completely not invested in the process then I don't think they would make a good partner. So very, very true. This is why I also deleted many messages from guys--it was clear they didn't take what they were doing seriously, so how could I be convinced that they would take a relationship seriously?
Bertram Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Complaining about online dating is like complaining about weather: it's nobody's fault if it's raining and complaining about it is not going to make it stop. Yet, when it's cold and damp outside we still complain because it is somewhat cathartic. However, saying that it's your own fault if you are not successful is tantamount to adding insult to injury. Is it so hard to believe that people with good, funny profiles, with lots of photos, that contact girls in their age range and try to write nice introductory mails are still getting 1 response in 10-20 messages? Because this is the reality of things.
NoReallyThatHappened Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 So very, very true. This is why I also deleted many messages from guys--it was clear they didn't take what they were doing seriously, so how could I be convinced that they would take a relationship seriously? People wouldn't go out to meet someone dressed in ratty sweat pants, smelling terrible, with food in their teeth. To me, people who have terrible profiles are doing just that!
Author tigressA Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 Complaining about online dating is like complaining about weather: it's nobody's fault if it's raining and complaining about it is not going to make it stop. Yet, when it's cold and damp outside we still complain because it is somewhat cathartic. However, saying that it's your own fault if you are not successful is tantamount to adding insult to injury. Is it so hard to believe that people with good, funny profiles, with lots of photos, that contact girls in their age range and try to write nice introductory mails are still getting 1 response in 10-20 messages? Because this is the reality of things. No, it's not hard to believe people who have done all they can are still not getting what they put out. That is how things happen sometimes. I too have had dry spells. I am just saying that IMO, in most cases, people who complain about not having success in online dating do have things they could improve on that would eventually make a difference. I think many people put too much importance on the messages they send, to the detriment of their profile and photos. "I send out nice messages all the time, I don't get responses." Well, what's your profile read like? What are your photos like? If only one or two things out of 3 are up to par, then it looks like you are not taking online dating seriously.
Cee Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I disagree with Tigressa. I think it's great she met her current boyfriend via online dating. And I am happy for anyone who meets a love match there or gets the casual sex they crave. But online dating isn't for everybody. I gave online dating an honest try. It was artificial to me and I could not connect with anybody in 2+ years of trying. I think I dated maybe 25-30 people and I ended feeling like a failure and a total loser. But I bought that line that I should try harder. And the harder I tried, the worse I felt and the more stilted the dates. By the end, I felt like a Miss America contestant with a fake smile, tight jeans, and insincere dialogue. I wanted so badly to "win" a man via online dating and to prove that I was worthy. I became an insecure mess. I hate online dating with every fiber of my being. I'm glad I quit online dating for good. And wouldn't you know it, I met my boyfriend in only a few short months of deleting my OKC account. But I will never say to anyone online dating is all bad. Go ahead and give it a whirl. But if it doesn't work for you, know there are a hundred other ways to meet dates.
Star Gazer Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 TA, comparing an online dating profile to a resume is so spot on! That's EXACTLY how I've felt! And the initial email is akin to a cover letter: it must express genuine interest tailored to to the recipient (i.e., NOT boilerplate!), and demonstrate a little bit about the author, enough to encourage the reader to check out the resume/profile to find out more. You get what you give, in everything.
Bertram Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 And wouldn't you know it, I met my boyfriend in only a few short months of deleting my OKC account. honest question: if you met your current bf via online dating, do you think you would have connected with him? i.e. was it online dating per se that didn't work for you or was it the type of men you met there?
Author tigressA Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 I don't think online dating is for everyone, and if you do put in your best effort and still don't get what you want, there's no point in trying to keep at it. But if you're going to try it, you need to take it seriously, as well as remember that it will take some time and hard work. That is what I'm saying.
Intricategirl Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I disagree with Tigressa. I think it's great she met her current boyfriend via online dating. And I am happy for anyone who meets a love match there or gets the casual sex they crave. But online dating isn't for everybody. I gave online dating an honest try. It was artificial to me and I could not connect with anybody in 2+ years of trying. I think I dated maybe 25-30 people and I ended feeling like a failure and a total loser. But I bought that line that I should try harder. And the harder I tried, the worse I felt and the more stilted the dates. By the end, I felt like a Miss America contestant with a fake smile, tight jeans, and insincere dialogue. I wanted so badly to "win" a man via online dating and to prove that I was worthy. I became an insecure mess. I hate online dating with every fiber of my being. I'm glad I quit online dating for good. And wouldn't you know it, I met my boyfriend in only a few short months of deleting my OKC account. But I will never say to anyone online dating is all bad. Go ahead and give it a whirl. But if it doesn't work for you, know there are a hundred other ways to meet dates. I don't think it's right for everyone, but I don't think it's worthy of the reputation it seems to have. I had a co-worker once that asked me if I was scared I was going to meet another Ted Bundy. I gave her the "stupid look" and reminded her that Ted Bundy didn't use the internet, and you have to be smart about dating no matter what. That being said, I'm a fan of online dating. I run mostly with two different crowds. I won't date ANYONE in one of them. The other, there's a couple of good looking, cool guys that I would go out with, but the group dynamic probably wouldn't be worth the drama. It works for me, and I understand that it isn't right for everyone. But I will say that if you're going to bother with it, actually putting effort into it is more likely to yield results.
TheLawmaker Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 People wouldn't go out to meet someone dressed in ratty sweat pants, smelling terrible, with food in their teeth. To me, people who have terrible profiles are doing just that! Good point. You should convey what you want to attract. If you don't want to attract anybody, don't be attractive.
Author tigressA Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Not everyone has other options. Many turn to online dating as a last resort after everything else has failed over and over. And we're supposed to feel sorry for those people? No thanks. Sympathy or pity is not going to score them dates--or at least, not for the reason(s) they would want. This thread is not going to be one of those "Wah wah I don't have options" pity fest.
Cracker Jack Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Gotta agree with tigressA on this. I don't do the online dating thing, tho. It's just not for me. I made a little profile and got some replies, but I just can't do it.
irc333 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I put a lot of time and effort into my profile, pictures, responses, and initial emails. With online dating people have to put their best foot forward and work at it to get anywhere. Nobody is going to say "Gee, he's single, I'm single...might as well date!" Both people have to mutually want to get to know each other and decide if they are a good match. I can't tell you how many messages I deleted from guys who wrote something lame like "I thought I'd try this...hit me up if you want to know me." If someone is that lazy and completely not invested in the process then I don't think they would make a good partner. You know what's also funny, I do NOT do what those guys do, and I put an equal amount of effort as you did in your profile as I did in mine, even my initial email is well thought out....still...no response. I wonder why I see women in here just saying they get emails from guys saying, "You're hawt, hit me up." or something brief like that? I never heard a woman in here stated that they got a well-thought out, wonderful email and a very well done profile with pictures. No one every says anything about why they don't respond to THOSE guys. You know...the ones with substance AND potential?
irc333 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Gotta agree with tigressA on this. I don't do the online dating thing, tho. It's just not for me. I made a little profile and got some replies, but I just can't do it. Interesting, this is something that would usually be said by someone when online dating was in its infancy, (in the mid 90's) But in 2011, I'm surprised that some people are STILL not giving it a try.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I am with Cee on this one. I gave it my all to online dating for a year. I had 6 pictures, detailed profile, initiated e-mails etc etc. I dated almost 40 guys and felt connection to none. At most, I felt physical attraction to some. But I gotta say that it did give me practice after my few year long break from dating. I met my current boyfriend through mutual friends, at a house party. Connection/compatibility is the best I ever had. Having said that, I don't hate online dating. It actually gave me some much needed confidence since my profile generated a lot of interest. If my current relationship fails (and I hope to GOD it doesn't), I would probably go back to OKC.
irc333 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I met my current boyfriend through mutual friends, at a house party. Connection/compatibility is the best I ever had. That's the best way....and more natural...with online dating, it seems unnatural....you just cold turkey make an appointment with a complete stranger...and sit across a table trying to actually force a conversation. That's basically what it is. I bet under normal circumstances, if the guy you met online, if you'd met him at said house party, you probably would've done better, and ironically it would be with the same guy. lol
Author tigressA Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 That's the best way....and more natural...with online dating, it seems unnatural....you just cold turkey make an appointment with a complete stranger...and sit across a table trying to actually force a conversation. That's basically what it is. It never felt that way for me. Perhaps it's because I engaged with people who conversation flowed well with before meeting--lots of joking, flirting, some debate. Nothing about any of my dates felt forced. I generally agree with the initial process ('picking out' someone you find attractive, initiating contact) seeming unnatural, though.
OliveOyl Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I must have been very lucky or very desperate non-picky. (shhh!! ) I liked the second guy I met through online dating.
Cee Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 honest question: if you met your current bf via online dating, do you think you would have connected with him? i.e. was it online dating per se that didn't work for you or was it the type of men you met there? Hi Bertram, Honest answer. I don't think it's the type of men, but online dating fosters in women a sense of entitlement. I got sucked into that. And I picked the wrong men to like. Never in a million years would I have contacted him on an online site. Or responded to an email. For one thing, he doesn't look good in photos. For another, he's 17 years younger. And he's highly intellectual and I am intimidated by men who are tech geeks. Our first date was totally like any other date I had online. The difference was he was completely single and had no women lurking around. And I had no guys that I was talking to. We were able to relax and didn't feel like we had to compete with other prospects. My BF would have gotten eaten alive with online dating I think. The guy is 5' 6" and his gorgeous eyes, face, smile and sexiness doesn't translate in photos. Few women (including me, I'm afraid. Sorry, I suck) would have known this guy is a massive catch. I am saying my mea culpas now. I passed on some great men I dated b/c I wanted someone "better." Whatever that better was, I have no idea. I was pretty messed in the head by online dating. Of course, YMMV. But I wanted to be honest and to apologize.
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