Afterdinnermintz Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Hello all. This is the first time I have ever done something like this but I'm going crazy and hurting. I would love your adivce, opinions and two cents. I have no idea what to do. In October of 2010 I broke up with my ex of three and a half years. I do not regret it nor miss him, and instead was loving the freedom and great experiences I was getting a chance to live. He treated me very badly, was obsessive and cheated on me. Needless to say I do have some trust issues, but I am so much happier with my life. However, in February of this year I met this guy through a friend at a party and we hooked up that night. I though nothing of it; he was nice, cute, funny and I was looking for a good time. I never expected to see him again. However, I forgot my scarf at that party and texted him to see if we could meet up, hang out and if I coulf get my scarf. He was pleasant and I thought it would be nice to see him alongside me getting my scarf. Well, from there we started hangingout a lot more. However, I told him I didn't want a boyfriend as I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and wanted fun. He understood. However he introduced me to his parents quickly after that first hook up, tried changing his facebook status and treated me like his girlfriend to his friends and family. He even had me at his birthday party the same month we met and showed me off like his girl. It was nice, but I was a bit overwhelmed. As our relationship progressed, we would get into heated talks about what we were, our status, exclusivity etc. The definition kept changing. Also, sex was infrequent. Though I may sound like an awful person for this, he wanted to cuddle more than have sex. He would abstain for large time periods. I loved cuddling, seriously the best cuddle sessions I've ever had, but I needed that connecton too. Then as the arguments got worse, I found him to be distant. He didn't invite me out any more. He wasn't there for me when I had multiple family members in the hospital. I was going through a rough patch and he wasn't there for me. During one of our talks I reached my boiling point and called things off...through a text! I sincerely regret that. He left for a trip the next day and I contacted him a week later asking how he was and that maybe we should talk when he gets back. He was very curt and cold. He said I hurt him quite badly. I acknowledged that, apologized full heartedly and left it at that. A week later we met over ofee and he, seemingly happy, treated me quite poorly. He said I didn't matter, he kept us on the DL (downlow) and I wasn't that special. I asked him if what we had was ending there at the coffee shop and he shook his head yes. He did say he still wanted to be friends but I was left a little astounded. I left; I didn't want him to see me cry. Its been a couple of weeks. I miss him terribly. Last Saturday I sent him a picture of a joke we had and he was responsive in a good way. I texted him two days later, on a Monday and we carried on a lengthy convo, but nothing pertaining to us. I texted him today, two days later, and he responded positively but it was a short lived convo. I would like to reconnect but I'm so scared of the possibility he is done with me. I would love and appreciate any and all advice as I am quite unfocused and messed up over this. I don't know why either, as we had a very short relationship. He did however treat very well in the beginning and I miss that and his jokes. If anything, I miss his friendship too. Please, any and all comments would be appreciated! I went from being a confident and happy vixen to some chum fumbling over this guy...who I care for!
Author Afterdinnermintz Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 He also said that I burned him out. How? I don't know, I was too shocked to stay and find out. I really expected the talk at the coffee shop to be one of rebuilding. I feel like because I hurt him I ruined everything, and my gut tells me that this really isn't over. I feel like there is a chance that this could work. I want to tell him I miss him and that I like him...I already apologized...I just am so torn.
lawlz_xD Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 What is that you want from this man? He wanted a relationship and you haven't stated that you are willing to give that to him. You hurt him because you never gave him the security of a real relationship and now that he's gone, you want him back...but as what? Do you just want the relationship you used to share (which he didn't want) or do you want something real and meaningful (what he wanted all along)?
Author Afterdinnermintz Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 By the end of our 'thing', (we never could define it), I was acting like the girlfriend. I was devoted, invested, interested and active. He was becomming cold, distant and was hanging with other people. Also, he had wanted me to be his girlfriend after only a week of hanging out, which was too fast for me. As I stated, it was overwhelming in the beginning. however, lawlz, you're right. I have to decide what im willing to give and commit. I would be totally open to having a real relationship. However he liked the idea of being open and seeing other people, which includes physical action.
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