Rudeman27 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Hello Everyone, Any insight would help me right now. I was with my ex for almost 2 years. She is 40 with kids, and I am 30 w/o kids. But we were great together, we loved each other, and were inseparable. We definitely had some problems, she is very successful and I am not were I would like to be in life yet. So I worked a lot. Her Kids were great except one, her oldest daughter. The daughter has some problems trusting men, she is very spoiled, abusive to her mother, and has hated any man her mom has been with. My ex would even tell me that the daughter just has a problem with her, and it wasn't me. Other then her daughter, thing were amazing. I loved the other kids and was very supportive to them and we had a lot of fun. Then everything started to change. My ex got very sick, there were points when we didn't know if she would live. While all of this was going on the daughter wouldn't see her mom if I was home. This really hurt my ex, how wouldn't it. Anyway I got the ax just before Christmas! The daughter moved back home, and my heart has broken. I was devastated, we were still going to be friends and still cared deeply for each other. Plus we still didn't know if she would survive her sickness. We would talk every few days, and I offered to help whenever I knew things would be difficult for her. Then she started saying all of this horrible stuff to me to push me away. She told me I wasn't the kind of person she wanted as a friend, I was using her, and I kept her from doing important things in her life. None of this was true. i didn't understand why or how things could have changed so drastically! I apologized profusely, told her I didn't understand and asked how she could see things so differently all of the sudden. We were broke up for 2 months then she got good news from the doctor, she was getting better and would almost make a full recovery. She told me none of that stuff was true, she just wanted to push me away and didn't think I deserved to be with a woman who could die, etc. She missed my support, affection and strength, I was the love of her life, etc. We got back together, but things were very different. She still was hurt by me! I did everything I could do to make her more comfortable. I was still apologizing for stuff I didn't do, being extremely understanding. I also couldn't come over to her house, because it made her weirdo daughter uncomfortable. Her daugher actually started crying uncontrollably when she found out I was taking her mom out to dinner! WTF! I told my ex, the negativity and irrational hatred her daughter had for me would not effect me unless my ex started letting it effect us. And it did. I finally had enough when I took off work and borrowed a friends truck to help my ex with a project. This is something we were planning for a few weeks. Guess what happened, She called it off at the last minute because her daughter would be home that day and she didn't want her to feel uncomfortable because I was there. How could she continue to be so one sided, and keep disregarding my feelings, schedule and refuse to do what is right. Its been about a month now with no contact. I still miss her and love her. I know that I did everything I could to make it work. But I also know that I couldn't live like an ******* for the rest of my life. I know I am a great guy, and deserve more. I'm just wondering if she will ever realize how badly she treated me? Will she ever apologize? I feel like a pussy for putting up with so much and also wanting some understanding, and for her to admit to her mistakes. Sorry about the long post, I needed to get all of this off my chest. Any comments, advice, or questions are truely welcome. Stay strong everyone, the hurt goes away, little by little.
Lilmisus Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 You seem like a great guy, and you deserve a great woman to share your life with. That being said, when you have children..they come first. They come before any other man, woman, or person, who may come into your life. When my step-father got remarried, he made sure to ask how my brothers and I would each feel about it. I'm still not sure if he would have changed his mind if any of us would tell him that we didn't liker her (even though he loves her), but a huge part of me feels like he would have stopped it then and there..regardless of his feelings for her. Of course though, we each gave them our blessing, and told them that we were happy for them..and we each were, and are. What she should do, or should have done, is tried to figure out what her daughters issues were. Maybe had her seek counseling if she was having such serious problems. Was she sexually abused by someone at one point in time? Did a boyfriend treat her poorly? Did her father walk out on her when she was young? Is her mother's illness getting to be too much for her to handle? What happened to make it to where she couldn't let her mother be happy with you or anyone else? Maybe if your ex could have helped her get through what she was going through, then you guys could have had a fighting chance. But..it doesn't sound like she did..and that was a huge mistake on your ex's part..one that she'll have to do something about before she can really be with anyone. Keep up NC though. You have no business in their lives if all of you can't be happy with you two being together. If she decides that she wants to put forth the effort of being together again in the future..then it's all up to you to decide if you'd be willing to. But both of you have to keep the feelings of her children as your number one of the top priorities in your relationship if you choose to have one again. Their feelings aren't just ones that you can ignore and say that they don't matter, and you can't pretend that they wont get in the way of your relationship..since no matter what, they will. But, I'll keep your ex in my prayers that she is, or hopefully will be doing well. I hope that she makes a speedy recovery from whatever illness she has, and I hope that the pain that you're feeling and the distress her daughter is feeling will weaken as time goes on.
Author Rudeman27 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 I really appreciate your input. You are right, my ex is a great mother. The daughter has seen some bad men in her life, and I know needs copious amounts of counseling. Although She is 20 years old, and really enjoys running her mothers life. I have witnessed her say some awful, horrible stuff to/about her mother. I had no problem dealing with her daughter, and trying to tip toe around her comfort zone. I did have a problem with her mom and I always losing to her irrational, immature logic. We couldn't even go out to Dairy Queen without the daughter giving her mom grief about it. The daughter never gave me a chance and would undermine our feelings for eachother at every turn. Things like I was using her mother, not capable of a conversation because I didn't go to college, etc. lol I am moving on and not worried about finding someone else. Just regret this B.S. and Think that if the daughter wasn't so selfish her mom would be so much happier. Just wanted some kind of vindication, you know.
Author Rudeman27 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Thank you for your prayers, they really do help. You will be in mine also.
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