Rooke Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Well I might have to pee on my own parade. Waxing lyrical about how much I've learned and blah And today I heard through the grapevine that he was telling the truth and they've had their baby. I am devastated. Again.
OWoman Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Well I might have to pee on my own parade. Waxing lyrical about how much I've learned and blah And today I heard through the grapevine that he was telling the truth and they've had their baby. I am devastated. Again. Rooke, feeling devastated by shocking news does not negate your growth. It just means you're ready for the next bit. No one with active brain cells stops learning and growing. I'm sure you'll learn and grow through, and from, this too. (((hugs)))
Author Rooke Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 Thankyou. I really appreciate that. But the truth is I think I've been lying to myself and convinced myself he'd been lying. But now I know he wasn't and that it really is finally the end if the line. I'm not as far forward as I thought. I really don't know why he did this to me.
Heart On Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I really don't know why he did this to me. He was honest about his wife being pregnant at least. Some lie about everything to justify cheating on thier wives. Try not to take his selfishness personally. I think as OW we are supposed to see these situations as temporary instead of the start of something. A new baby or not,he is still married and that alone makes it a dead end relationship. Try to forgive him and yourself and continue with No contact as that is one of the best ways to heal.No more new hurts! He may not even see the birth of his child as the end. Mine didn't. He said," I know my reality,but that doesn't mean I can't still see you." Talk about heartless. You should not let him back in no matter WHAT he says. Good luck to you.
MissBee Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Thankyou. I really appreciate that. But the truth is I think I've been lying to myself and convinced myself he'd been lying. But now I know he wasn't and that it really is finally the end if the line. I'm not as far forward as I thought. I really don't know why he did this to me. I know the feeling.... I think when you're getting over someone little tests come along the way to expose your true growth. Sometimes outta sight, outta mind, you don't really know how you really feel until confronted with some situation involving them then you get to see your emotional response. It's a good thing....now you know you still have some hurt to work through....and the full truth is out there and you can continue healing from a more truthful place. Eventually it will be to a point where his life is of no consequence to you.
Emme Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Don't let this set you back. It is heartbreaking but you have moved forward with your life. Look at it this way do you want to be standing still. He has a new child to care for now. He has moved on with his life. Please continue to do the same for yourself.:bunny:HUG:bunny:
Author Rooke Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 So he doesn't miss me or think about me at all? Even the wine didn't cushion that blow!
whichwayisup Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 So he doesn't miss me or think about me at all? Even the wine didn't cushion that blow! Why are you beating yourself up and going down this pathway? He made his choice a long time ago and you've been in NC mode, been doing really well! I'm sure he thinks about you on occasion, probably misses you some too, but at the end of the day, does it make a difference? Does it change things? Sorry you're hurting, hope you feel better. Try not to let this ruin you.
Gentlegirl Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 You have had a dose of reality darling. It hurts like hell! Really, what they do is none of your business.... never was. YOu have done so well. Keep it up. Genltgirl
pureinheart Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Thankyou. I really appreciate that. But the truth is I think I've been lying to myself and convinced myself he'd been lying. But now I know he wasn't and that it really is finally the end if the line. I'm not as far forward as I thought. I really don't know why he did this to me. ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))) Short background: Met MM, he chased me for several years, I took him serious, after a time I went NC, then he took me serious, MM and W split, they got a D, we got together and it didn't work, now we're friends. I can't tell you how many things I thought he was lying about, and then found out later he was being straight up. It's easier sometimes to walk away if we are angry or have anger to hold on to. I found that it was the anger that kept me bound to various people, places and things. It's easier to hate also, at least that is what the conception is... I think you have moved more forward than you think. Letting go of a misconception is major growth IMO:)
pureinheart Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 So he doesn't miss me or think about me at all? Even the wine didn't cushion that blow! Here again you really don't know...turn the tables gf...turn this whole thing around and heal. Do something possitive ...I just keep hearing for you to turn the tables...
Flabbergaster Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 DON'T PANIC Big hug for a bad day. Rooke, i'm going to start by saying it's ok and natural to have the feelings you're dealing with right now. You've made such great progress! You've dealt with worse pain than this already. Please keep strong, ok? So he doesn't miss me or think about me at all? Even the wine didn't cushion that blow! Why would you think he doesn't miss you or think about you? I think about her every day, still. I miss her every day. That doesn't change the fact that I stayed in my M...but it does mean that she mattered a lot to me. When we focus on "xAP doesn't miss me at all!" we get sad because we think, "I'm a mess, why is s/he ok? This means s/he doesn't love me...which means I'm not valuable." Now this triggers... a self esteem concern. Near the end of the A, I noticed that one of us would be upset if the other wasn't in pain. I think that''s similar. I would like to suggest that...he does think fondly of you. Unfortunately this is a very sad story, it's not a love story. He is moving on, and so must you. Please look for a way to be happy for the good time you had with him, and be happy that the painful bad aspects are no longer a part of your life. And then...please keep giving more time to heal. Every day that you manage to make it to bed at night, just surviving the pain, is a day closer to the morning you wake up fresh and happy, singing with the birds. You've made so much progress. I've lurked and seen how far you came from 'complete hysteria' to 'calm and able to give support to others, to guide them into the light.' Now that you've learned the journey is longer than you thought...keep moving forward. You already know that really rough moments pass, sometimes it takes hours and sometimes it takes days. Stay strong, get past this rough spot. If people in 'the grapevine' know of the A...I would suggest asking them to spare you more information that might hurt you. For instance...I have asked my grapevine to assume I don't want to hear about 'life changing' positive events from xOW. Because I know they would hurt me more than I can bear (yet). I would absolutely NOT want to know if she is pregnant. Stay the course, Rooke. It hurts, I know. You've done so well, just keep moving forward.
bentnotbroken Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Why would a MM or any man lie about having a baby?. Same reason they lie to the BS...cowardice, wouldn't know the truth if it bit them on the end of the wiener and it suits them.
Author Rooke Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 And because if everything that person has ever told you has been a lie, there's no reason to believe anything that comes out of their mouth.
pureinheart Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 And because if everything that person has ever told you has been a lie, there's no reason to believe anything that comes out of their mouth. Personally, if this were the truth...I'd be really glad to get away from them as it sounds as if there are no redeeming qualities.
Silly_Girl Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Personally, if this were the truth...I'd be really glad to get away from them as it sounds as if there are no redeeming qualities. Oh god, absolutely. A man like that is dangerous, frankly.
Breezy Trousers Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Rooke, I know that I and a lot of people have been thinking about you today. I hope this weekend is kinder to you.
TinaniT Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Well I might have to pee on my own parade. Waxing lyrical about how much I've learned and blah And today I heard through the grapevine that he was telling the truth and they've had their baby. I am devastated. Again. Having feelings doesn't mean you haven't learned, it only means you are human. I hope your peace is restored. Sorry for the sadness.
Author Rooke Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 Totally wrong because it's so self-centered. If her married man's spouse just had his baby, then the ONLY thing she should be thinking about is that he should put all his focus and energy into that child and its mother, and nothing more into her. Likewise she should put nothing further into it. OP starts to heal as soon as she decides to stop romanticizing her insanity. Oh you picked on the wrong girl today. Do not jump into someones story halfway through and think you have any idea what you are talking about because you don't. If you had any idea what you were talking about then you would not have written any of that because that's not how it happened. If you have nothing better to do with your life then express BS opinions on a subject you have absolutely no knowledge of then get a hobby. If you like to have negative opinions of people you don't even know and like to cause arguments for no reason then take that to another forum. You and your half assed opinions are not welcome on my thread.
Ellin Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Not an opinion, a fact. You had/are having an affair with a married man whose wife just had a baby. He told you the truth that she was pregnant but you didn't want to believe it. Married people have babies with their spouses. There is no room for you in that picture. She's not in that picture, Mr Sausij. Not that it's any of your concern, anyway. But surely you're not in a position to order someone what they should be thinking and feeling.
Author Rooke Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 Not an opinion, a fact. You had/are having an affair with a married man whose wife just had a baby. He told you the truth that she was pregnant but you didn't want to believe it. Married people have babies with their spouses. There is no room for you in that picture. Your facts are WRONG. If you want to bully someone at least get your facts straight first. Since you are using present tense it just proves that you have absolutely NO IDEA what you are talking about. As Ellin said you are in no position to tell me what I am thinking or feeling you know nothing about my situation and it was not a case of not 'wanting' to believe it. Married people may have children with their spouses but in this case it should never have happened, he's scum, they brought a baby into a marriage that isnt working. For your information, I have no desire to be part of that picture. If you want to have an opinion, at least do your research instead of talking out of your ass. Thankyou Ellin, I appreciate your support and it's nice that someone actually does know what they're talking about.
Author Rooke Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 Oh and he's deleted his posts. What a surprise. What a loser.
anne1707 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Oh and he's deleted his posts. What a surprise. What a loser. No. He can't delete his own posts. Only the moderator can do that
alexandria35 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Oh you picked on the wrong girl today. Do not jump into someones story halfway through and think you have any idea what you are talking about because you don't. If you had any idea what you were talking about then you would not have written any of that because that's not how it happened. If you have nothing better to do with your life then express BS opinions on a subject you have absolutely no knowledge of then get a hobby. If you like to have negative opinions of people you don't even know and like to cause arguments for no reason then take that to another forum. You and your half assed opinions are not welcome on my thread. Actually he was on the infidelity forum last night, crapping all over a BS so I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he/she is a BS defender. He seemed pissed at the world in general. Looks like he/she has already been moderated and hopefully banned.
Author Rooke Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 Ahh I see. Thanks for that information, and yes hopefully. Definitely has issues.
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