mhkkk Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 (edited) The story is following... We met 2009 when i just went to a new school. I swear to god she was my life love from the first sight. But then i heard that she had a boy friend so i left her alone. In october 2010 we became friends and we were friends about 3 months until she decided to dump her boyfriend for me. She said that she is happier with me and i take more care of her and it's better to be with me. So we started a relationship which lasted for about 6 months. We were happy, but then we started having arguments and fights. They were really exhausting, so we decided to stop arguing, because we wanted to spend time on greater things. Now last week she sent me a letter that she needs to meet her ex in order to let him go and maybe it's better for us. But i freaked out on the letter and made her cry in skype. Then i knew that i had broke the promise that i never fight with her anymore. So the next day she met her ex and after the meeting she called me and said everything was fine. A day later she told me that we needed to talk. So she drove up to my real house (it's 130 km from her's) and we talked very friendly we had a good conversation. But she said that she still have feeling for her ex and she's going to dump me. Actually i agreed with her and told her, that okay. I know we had fights and everything, but u gotta remind why u left him in the first place... NB! FUNNY thing is that when she dumped her ex for me, she didnt cry at all and was happy. But when she said that we break up... she cried all the time. And she said that ''if i leave you now i will lose you for forever'' The next day she called me and said she was in my (our) apartment and she left me a surprise. So i asked her what it was.. she said a memory of her. I asked her dont you move kind of quickly here? First u make a breaking up decision in one day and now memories? Then i asked her if she was 100% sure of her decision. SHE ANSWERED NO! She said she still has feelings for me and they're not gone. So i asked her 'do you love me with your heart ' then she was quiet for 15 sec and said 'yes i do'. Now i'm meeting her on friday, because i wanted to meet her in order to get the key back. THis exboy of hers i bigger jerk than i am. Yes i admit that i argued with her and tried to change some of the thing in her. But i took good care of her, was there for 24h in a day. But this exboy said that ''he his changed, and he wont put ant limits on her EXCEPT she cant talk to me anymore or see me anymore'' - this is MADNESS! - they're not even together yet. Also this guy drank for 6 months and took pills cuz of the break up and says he's changed? Learned from what - he even didnt know what he did wrong because they split up with drama. Him calling her a bitch and never wanted to see her again. What to do? I LOVE HER SO MUCH! i'm not clingy on her and i've always respected her, never treated her bad or said bad words to her...always gave her the space her exboy didnt and always listened and talked when we had problems...as her ex didnt. Im meeting her on friday i guess. PLEASE HELPPP!!!!! Edited June 8, 2011 by mhkkk
wilsonx Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 (edited) haha i called my ex a bitch when she said she was going to leave me... guess Ill see her 6 months from now... the problem is if you guys dont communicate (arguments) then nothing will ever get solved... i had the same mindset as you in my relationship with my ex... guess what she left me because neither one of us communicated and found some 14 year older guy =( I do not know what to tell you except dont meet her. Dont show up, pretend you have something else to do of higher importance. Then give her her space and stop contacting her and start to heal. If she wants you back she will come back, but dont wait around move forward. Edited June 8, 2011 by wilsonx
Author mhkkk Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 haha i called my ex a bitch when she said she was going to leave me... guess Ill see her 6 months from now... the problem is if you guys dont communicate (arguments) then nothing will ever get solved... i had the same mindset as you in my relationship with my ex... guess what she left me because neither one of us communicated We communicated all the time. The reason why she left me and went back to him i guess is that i freaked out on her letter, if I would have acted normally things would be better. Now i've went to relationship psychologist sessions for 4 times and got so much smarter about arguments. But i really don't know how to win her back.
wilsonx Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I would honestly tell you to be too busy to show up on Friday. You are seeking approval from her (Im still seeking approval from my ex and its retarded). Just come up with a reason to not show up when she calls on Friday and initiate no contact. And start going out and having fun
Author mhkkk Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 So there is nothing I can really do anymore?
wilsonx Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I thought so, but not really... I learned last night from a very attractive female bartender that the best thing you can do as a guy is go out and have fun. DO not ever talk to her again. If you happen to see her around act happy. Stop talking to her. She said trust me, the second you stop talking to a girl, they will wonder about you. Everything they did will start show in their mind of what they did wrong. Even if they jumped into another relationship and most likely they will be unhappy but you have to remain strong. After a while time will heal your wounds and if she really cared for you she will become more and more miserable (but it doesnt matter how she feels, you have to get out of this mindset) because you are having fun and enjoying life without her. NEVER ANSWER PHONE CALLS OR TEXTS/EMAILS ever, just let them go. If she finds you in person and said shes made a mistake and wants you back, then the ball is in your court I personally would never take my ex back at this point. She was my best friend of 3 years and she betrayed me. Its not her fault thats what women do. They make sure they have the emotional security of someone else before they leave you and they try to keep you around. Just better yourself and find someone else that would NEVER do this to you
Chi townD Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 The quickest way to lose a girl? Try to make her change into something that she's not. And also, putting rectrictions on her. It leaves her feeling that you don't trust her or love her for who she is and you would be more interested on what you want her to become. After Friday, you need to go completely No Contact. This will be the hardest thing you ever do. Do not accept the " Let's be friends" line. She has choosen you to be out of her life. That is her decision; therefore, she needs to know what it feels like to have you out of her life. She's never going to miss you if you keep in contact with her. And believe me, she's going to reach out to you. It might be a phone call, or a text message. IGNORE IT!!!! The only time you should respond to a phone call or a text message is if it says she's made a huge mistake and begs to come back. Anything else is breadcrumbs...leading you on.
Mack05 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 (edited) The quickest way to lose a girl? Try to make her change into something that she's not. And also, putting rectrictions on her. It leaves her feeling that you don't trust her or love her for who she is and you would be more interested on what you want her to become. After Friday, you need to go completely No Contact. This will be the hardest thing you ever do. Do not accept the " Let's be friends" line. She has choosen you to be out of her life. That is her decision; therefore, she needs to know what it feels like to have you out of her life. She's never going to miss you if you keep in contact with her. And believe me, she's going to reach out to you. It might be a phone call, or a text message. IGNORE IT!!!! The only time you should respond to a phone call or a text message is if it says she's made a huge mistake and begs to come back. Anything else is breadcrumbs...leading you on. Great Point Chi. I always wanted my ex to change. At the time I didn't know why, but hindsight is a great thing. It wasn't because I didn't love her for her. I actually did. But I wanted to her to change for two reasons. Firstly, I avoided my own demons (suffered from depresson, low self esteem) so I would criticize her and her decisions in the past, instead of looking in the mirror and confronting myself. Also, (more importantly) I knew she was a selfish/self absorbed girl, that potentially suffered from BPD (whatever it is she has, something isn't right with her). Therfore after about 3 months, I realised that I was never going to get the kind of emotional fulfilling, nourishing healthy relationship that I have been looking for. If you are looking to change someone then you are with the wrong girl. I was trying to be my ex's saviour. Someone to save her from her terrible past. I would try convince her, do things my way and then you will be happy. I can teach you, I can fix you. What a pile of bull$%It! My ex, or another girl on this planet should NOT need to change themselves for me and vice versa we shouldn't have to change for a girl. Also a love based on rescuing and need is not real love. Chi is right. If you try to change someone any girl worth their salt will resist you and not only that, they will eventually grow to dislike you. Of all the lessons I have learnt recently, this is one I will seriously take on board moving forward. Edited June 9, 2011 by Mack05
Author mhkkk Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Well i wasnt like 'changing' her, but i was teaching her new things..for which she was thankful...we actually argued a lot about when she was making statements against my statements and tried to 'PROVE' everything. I didnt but any limits on her like her ex. I let her be free in this relationship so she could the things she liked.
Author mhkkk Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 Now she was asking my teachers about my exam results. And she texted me a very 'caring' text message. Why the hell does she do that? :S It's been almost a month since the break up and she tries to 'string me along'?
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