Fedor Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Backround: Been together about 2.5 years and she ended it 2 weeks ago. Was 1 week NC until yesterday where she contacted me. From the beginning of the break up, she has been flip flopping. It first started out that she is "not in love with me right now." Then it became "I need to get this out of my system before I can be 100% with you." To find out more, read my last thread. Thread:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t280173/ Ok, so here we go. Contacts me via text yesterday to tell me about an incident with a mugger and to assure she is ok. Didnt stop there though. -She says she misses me so much and she always thinks about me -Asks if I've been with other women -Says she wants to take a ride in my new car -Invites me over -I invited her for a casual lunch before I came over but was hesitant in the message to say yes I come over, we talk. -Says she needs to be "kid" right now. Mind you this girl is 19. Isnt that a little late? -She felt that she gained her identity back after we broke up. Yet, she was always the dominant one? -Simply says she needs to be "single" right now but that she is still in love with me? After talking, she baits me into intimacy with her. We kiss and it felt so right. We then had sex. I let my guard down. I'm giving you highlights here so there is holes between the story. So after we talk some more about us, she says that she still wants to do lunch. I'm confused. She is the one who was always so intense about our relationship. I never tried to supress her in anyway! But then she turns around says she didnt feel like herself in the end of the relationship? Thoughts on this situation. I think she needs to grow up and figure out what she wants. As I was writing this thread, she called and texted me. About the stupid mugger situation.
vsmini Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Says she needs to be "kid" right now. Mind you this girl is 19. Isnt that a little late? Not really. She is by no means a kid but you guys are both very, very young. Often relationships that start when you're a teen don't last but it still isn't an excuse for her behavior. Explain to her that since you are not together it really isn't her business about you and other women. A friendship cannot result from this until you guys are both completely over each other. That means having no emotional grips on each other at all. Being over each other means being okay with the fact that both of you have moved on. This will take a long time. Don't rush it. No contact her.
Nohbody Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 The girl I was with emailed me telling me she felt terrible, then called me the next day and asked if we could make it work. (This was before I joined the forum). When I told her yes I was elated, and she sounded better. Then the next day she told me she didn't want a life with me, and that she chose the other guy over me. You need to stay NC so that this doesn't happen to you, because I'm certain it will (when she finds another guy, if she hasn't already). I'm sorry, but I never loved anyone like this girl, and she told me she never loved anyone like me (when she was reconciling) but the very next day... Whatever is going on here can't be fixed right now. She will have to come to you and she is going to have to be willing to prove that she loves you and wants to be with you (and only you) if this is going to work. I'm sorry, I know this sucks. There's nothing else to say about it. Go NC. Let her go. If she really loves you, she'll come back and be willing to do anything to be with you. If she doesn't... she won't. There is nothing you (or I) can do now. Good luck.
Author Fedor Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 Not really. She is by no means a kid but you guys are both very, very young. Often relationships that start when you're a teen don't last but it still isn't an excuse for her behavior. Explain to her that since you are not together it really isn't her business about you and other women. A friendship cannot result from this until you guys are both completely over each other. That means having no emotional grips on each other at all. Being over each other means being okay with the fact that both of you have moved on. This will take a long time. Don't rush it. No contact her. Well, she is basically telling me that she will come back to me eventually. She just needs "her time" right now. But it's not fair to contact me and think everything is okay and even have sex with me.
vsmini Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Well, she is basically telling me that she will come back to me eventually. She just needs "her time" right now. But it's not fair to contact me and think everything is okay and even have sex with me. I've heard it a million times. She's young - she wants to have her cake and eat it too. You're right - it is not fair for her to contact you and think everything is okay and have sex with you. So you know what? Don't contact her and don't have sex with her.
Author Fedor Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 The girl I was with emailed me telling me she felt terrible, then called me the next day and asked if we could make it work. (This was before I joined the forum). When I told her yes I was elated, and she sounded better. Then the next day she told me she didn't want a life with me, and that she chose the other guy over me. You need to stay NC so that this doesn't happen to you, because I'm certain it will (when she finds another guy, if she hasn't already). I'm sorry, but I never loved anyone like this girl, and she told me she never loved anyone like me (when she was reconciling) but the very next day... Whatever is going on here can't be fixed right now. She will have to come to you and she is going to have to be willing to prove that she loves you and wants to be with you (and only you) if this is going to work. I'm sorry, I know this sucks. There's nothing else to say about it. Go NC. Let her go. If she really loves you, she'll come back and be willing to do anything to be with you. If she doesn't... she won't. There is nothing you (or I) can do now. Good luck. I'm sorry to hear that she did that to you. And your right, it cant be fixed right now but everytime she contacts me it makes me think I can start trying to fix this. Idk. While I am not that much older, I have alot more responsibility and maturity. She calls me uptight and says that I never act like a "kid". Idk. In my mind, I figure that if I can show her I'm not uptight then she would be more inept to come back. I know it wont work but its typical human behavior to have hope. It's just so hard because she was so intense about our relationship and I was getting ready to propose to her.
vsmini Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 You're young too - and though you're probably too upset to even think about it...you deserve to see what's out there too. Take time to be upset but use it as a time to explore and meet new people. Contrary to many romantics out there - there is more than one person out there for you. So go find it.
Nohbody Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Fedor, The point of the story is to be illustrative. She is going to hurt you badly if you do not protect yourself and let her go. If you want to fight for your relationship, the only thing you can do is go NC. Oddly enough, that is harder than trying to convince her you are worth it - so do the hard thing.
Author Fedor Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 Fedor, The point of the story is to be illustrative. She is going to hurt you badly if you do not protect yourself and let her go. If you want to fight for your relationship, the only thing you can do is go NC. Oddly enough, that is harder than trying to convince her you are worth it - so do the hard thing. I'm trying that but she keeps contacting me! It's hard, that's all. I just love the girl so much and I know I sound stupid but it's the truth. I know NC is the only option now but why do you think she keeps trying to reach out to me?!
Nohbody Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Do you want to know the hard truth? She is reaching out to you because you are a rock in a vast ocean of potential mates. You are familiar territory, and until she finds new territory you are always there to swim back to. You have to understand that she is being selfish, and everything she is doing is motivated by her self interest, not yours. You need to harden your heart, for a little while anyway. She's not reaching out to you for you, she's doing it for her.
Author Fedor Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 Selfish indeed! It seems like she is not the same person I have known for over 2 years. It breaks my heart.
Nohbody Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Fedor, Right now she isn't. Will she always be this way? Maybe. Maybe not. Sometimes people grow and change, sometimes they regress. Focus on being a better you, whatever that requires. Make sure SHE is missing out on some good stuff. If she can't figure out the value of you, that's her problem, not yours.
geegirl Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I'm trying that but she keeps contacting me! It's hard, that's all. I just love the girl so much and I know I sound stupid but it's the truth. I know NC is the only option now but why do you think she keeps trying to reach out to me?! She can keep contacting you but you can choose to ignore or entertain. So you are not trying. You are just choosing to entertain because you have hope. It's hard I know. It's even harder to NC. She's reaching out because she can. You're right there for her. Someone she can fallback on whenever she wants. Someone who can fulfill whatever needs SHE may have. If her contact had any substance or had any benefit to you, you would have heard it by now. Each time she contacts you, you get more and more confused and hurt. Isn't that enough to tell you that it's just not worth it?
confused1989 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Hey fedor, I feel your pain brother. She sounds very back and forth and doesn't know what she wants. This was pretty much the exact same thing I went through a couple of months ago, I'm around your age and me and my ex were together for about 2 years. "Well, she is basically telling me that she will come back to me eventually. She just needs "her time" right now. But it's not fair to contact me and think everything is okay and even have sex with me." That stuck out to me...... my ex told me I was "in her future plans" and said I was "good enough" for her and that I could "have her" if I wanted to. Well I did my best and none of that really worked out the way she said it would so go by their actions not their words, I'm realizing now that she said all that stuff to keep me hanging around until she found somebody else. And guess what? She found somebody else. When she keeps contacting you.... keep ignoring. My ex did the same thing. She contacted me basically every week from the middle of March till now saying something stupid and I'd always keep ignoring. For some reason she thought we were still friends and on good terms even though I told her a friendship was out of the question and I told her if she contacted me I wouldn't be answering any of it. She uploaded a picture of her cuddling into a guy as her display picture and he did the same and they were flirty so I deleted her (long overdue, I know) and it was only really then that she realized we're not on good terms. She sees it as there's something wrong with me though, that I'm immature and whatever, but I don't care what she thinks about it anymore. You have to keep ignoring her messages though, for real dude. It's the only way to go and our stories are very similar so you have to trust me and everyone else in this thread on that one.
Author Fedor Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 Hey fedor, I feel your pain brother. She sounds very back and forth and doesn't know what she wants. This was pretty much the exact same thing I went through a couple of months ago, I'm around your age and me and my ex were together for about 2 years. "Well, she is basically telling me that she will come back to me eventually. She just needs "her time" right now. But it's not fair to contact me and think everything is okay and even have sex with me." That stuck out to me...... my ex told me I was "in her future plans" and said I was "good enough" for her and that I could "have her" if I wanted to. Well I did my best and none of that really worked out the way she said it would so go by their actions not their words, I'm realizing now that she said all that stuff to keep me hanging around until she found somebody else. And guess what? She found somebody else. When she keeps contacting you.... keep ignoring. My ex did the same thing. She contacted me basically every week from the middle of March till now saying something stupid and I'd always keep ignoring. For some reason she thought we were still friends and on good terms even though I told her a friendship was out of the question and I told her if she contacted me I wouldn't be answering any of it. She uploaded a picture of her cuddling into a guy as her display picture and he did the same and they were flirty so I deleted her (long overdue, I know) and it was only really then that she realized we're not on good terms. She sees it as there's something wrong with me though, that I'm immature and whatever, but I don't care what she thinks about it anymore. You have to keep ignoring her messages though, for real dude. It's the only way to go and our stories are very similar so you have to trust me and everyone else in this thread on that one. Thank you for your advice. I wonder why they decide to keep us hanging on? It seems like a sick joke to say were in there future but yet screw around with our emotions. I'm coming to a realization that she will never find someone like me. While I was never perfect, I gave my all to her. I think her friends are telling her that the grass is greener on the other side but she is going to soon find out that it's not the case.
Author Fedor Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 She can keep contacting you but you can choose to ignore or entertain. So you are not trying. You are just choosing to entertain because you have hope. It's hard I know. It's even harder to NC. She's reaching out because she can. You're right there for her. Someone she can fallback on whenever she wants. Someone who can fulfill whatever needs SHE may have. If her contact had any substance or had any benefit to you, you would have heard it by now. Each time she contacts you, you get more and more confused and hurt. Isn't that enough to tell you that it's just not worth it? Absolutely right. If she wants to go party and have fun without me then do it. She's a changed person but I still keep hanging to that old person that I fell in love with. She's not there anymore and that's what hurts the most. All the sacrifices I made to be with her and she can just do me like this? This isnt the girl I fell head over heels for. I guess I'm just guilty of giving people the benifit of the doubt.
Author Fedor Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Texted me just now. Wtf does this girl want from me
confused1989 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Nothing that would be of any benefit to you man. If she wanted to be with you she would be. Keep ignoring her, it will help you out in the long run. My ex texted me every week for months and it meant absolutely nothing.
ThatBwoii Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 She is playing with you, im not just guessing at this, its blatent to see. Put your interest somewhere else.
Nohbody Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Texted me just now. Wtf does this girl want from me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dddAi8FF3F4
Chi townD Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I'm trying that but she keeps contacting me! It's hard, that's all. I just love the girl so much and I know I sound stupid but it's the truth. I know NC is the only option now but why do you think she keeps trying to reach out to me?! Simple, BECAUSE YOU KEEP ANSWERING HER!!!! You need to go completely NC PEROID! She says that she will EVENTUALLY will come back to you? And what are you supposed to do with that? Wait in the bleachers and watch her get her freak on with everyone else, waiting for the game to end so you guys can go back to being a couple again? Are you suppose to wait for her? Is that fair to ask of you? You two were a couple, you were not "just friends" She wants you out of her life, you give her EXACTLY that! Everytime that she texts you. STOP! Breath and the post here instead. Now....how did you shoot yourself in the foot....
Author Fedor Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Simple, BECAUSE YOU KEEP ANSWERING HER!!!! You need to go completely NC PEROID! She says that she will EVENTUALLY will come back to you? And what are you supposed to do with that? Wait in the bleachers and watch her get her freak on with everyone else, waiting for the game to end so you guys can go back to being a couple again? Are you suppose to wait for her? Is that fair to ask of you? You two were a couple, you were not "just friends" She wants you out of her life, you give her EXACTLY that! Everytime that she texts you. STOP! Breath and the post here instead. Now....how did you shoot yourself in the foot.... I met up with her last night. We had a good time. She still seems kind of indecisive. It's hard to explain. I kind of feel like she's coming around. I dont know but its all her initiating contact with me. I may see her tonight.
sun_moon Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 You're young too - and though you're probably too upset to even think about it...you deserve to see what's out there too. Take time to be upset but use it as a time to explore and meet new people. Contrary to many romantics out there - there is more than one person out there for you. So go find it. Man that is so true. Go ask the people on here, who have had more than one broken heart. Why? Because they have fallen in love more than once, it happens. There are billions and billions of people on this earth. There is love out there multiple times. One day, you will feel ok and see that.
sun_moon Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I met up with her last night. We had a good time. She still seems kind of indecisive. It's hard to explain. I kind of feel like she's coming around. I dont know but its all her initiating contact with me. I may see her tonight. Its like watching a soap opera with a bad ending. keep us posted friend.
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