anechka Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 My first post! I'm going through a confusing break up right now. Basically the guy had his issues and I had mine. Mine was more detrimental of course, I have binge drinking issues. He didn't trust me because of that. We both still have strong feelings for each other and want to be in each other's lives. We also both agree that we don't want to jump back into a relationship. My reasons are to work on myself and be independent, since I have never gotten to experience true independence and self-responsibility until now. His are, for the most part, because he's unstable and doesn't feel emotionally ready to be in a relationship and also needs to figure out where he's going in life. Anyways, we saw each other a week after the breakup and NC, and we decided on a FWB type deal. I believe that eventually we will get back together. I'm all about giving him time to come around, no pressure, and in the meanwhile, we'll still be in each other's lives, and I will show him that he can trust me and my drinking will no longer be a problem. Then the next time around we will be so much stronger. This whole deal is a confusing mess, but right now, there is only one part to this that I need advice on, the only reason I'm posting all this. I had been on/off with this guy for a couple of years, but didn't meet his parents up until we first got in a relationship at the beginning of this year. I really liked his parents, to the point where I would come to his house with him just to say hi. They are good people, and have been together for a very long time. I really thought of them as future in-laws. Well of course when we broke up he was very angry, and being that he lives with his parents, they saw all of it. Plus, when we were together and had fights, he'd come home sad or angry and they saw all of that too, so they already had this inkling that we shouldn't be together. He told them all about my drinking issues and negative aspects of my past. They don't drink, so I'm sure they have more of a stigma on it than the average person. So now they dislike me and don't think I'm right for him. Same goes for his friends. So now since he's aired out all our dirty laundry, he says we have to keep it a secret that we are still seeing each other. He won't stay the night with me now because he doesn't want his parents to know. What I want to know is, how to explain to him that he shouldn't be caught up in worrying about what his parents think? He may live with them but he's closer to 30 than he is to 20 (and no he's not the stereotypical loser, he lives with them because he was going to school). I'm also sad because if we get back together later on down the road, I have all these black marks against me and his parents won't be supportive of our relationship. And, of course, whether he has their support or not will have too much influence on whether he gets back with me or not. I wish he could just say "Look, we broke up and neither of us want a relationship, but we still want to spend time with each other. She is working on her issues and stopped drinking, and maybe someday down the road we will work it out, but not anytime soon, we both realize we have stuff to sort out but we still want to be in each other's lives." It sucks because I don't live with my parents and they don't even know we've broken up. They really like him and even if I did tell them what happened, and then we got back together, they wouldn't hold anything against him and still like him as long as I was happy. I kinda resent him for this because when I was hurt and talking about this with my friends, I stuck up for him rather than bad-mouth him.
RIO5 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 You have a bigger problem than worrying about what his parents think. His parents are going to act base on what they 'see'. If you fixed your drinking problem, let some time pass by then, in due time, the folks would change their view on you. He is going to be caught up what his parents think because they ARE his parents. They were there before you so assume that if you two dont work things out, they will be there after you. How would you feel if you saw your son come home upset because he was fighting with his girlfriend? No parent wants to see their child unhappy no matter what their age is...2 or 67 years old! There is really nothing you can do about what his parents are going to think. That is completely out of your control. What you can do is make yourself a better person. Once you do that, everything else will fall into place...
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