phn guy Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Well today's my bday and 2 months since my ex left me. Im just feeling depressed even though I should be celebrating this day. Last year at this time I was on the beach in Key West with the ex. It was her bday gift to me. =( I have the support of family and friends but I do still miss her. I've been NC for 6 weeks and it sucks. But I know I need to do it for myself to heal. I initially tried contacting her in the beginning and got no response. This was an ldr for 5 years and engaged for two of them. I've sent the ex all her belongs back to her. I haven't received any of my stuff back or the engagement ring. She was the one who said don't worry about your stuff I'll ship it back to you. At this point I doubt I see anything back. I realize a few of the causes of the breakup even though she has told me nothing. Distance was a major factor even though i saw her once a month. I should have gotten a place for us to live together even though it would be a struggle. I've been working out and running and working more just to keep my mind busy. So many things have happened since the break. My dad started radiation therapy. My best friend's mom passed on Monday. I feel really down in the dumps. Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get this off my mind.
oldguy Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Happy Birthday. It can take a couple of years to really get past a break up just because of anniversaries, birthdays, holiday's, vacations and birthdays can be the most difficult. That and the other things that have happened recently in your life, there is good reason for feeling down.This is a good time to get out of the house or apartment & be around loved ones. It's your birthday, force yourself to get up, get out & celebrate your birthday. I know a person who claims it's her birthday whenever she feeling down just because people treat her so well, LOL Happy Birthday
Nohbody Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I don't mean to sound glib, really. Don't blame yourself for what happened - every relationship involves 2 (sometimes more, but who has the energy?) people who contribute good and bad. By the sound of it, I wouldn't expect to see your stuff, and I'm sorry for that. Continue focusing on you, enjoy YOUR birthday and go do something fun for you - and if you can include friends or family, cool.
Author phn guy Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 I don't mean to sound glib, really. Don't blame yourself for what happened - every relationship involves 2 (sometimes more, but who has the energy?) people who contribute good and bad. By the sound of it, I wouldn't expect to see your stuff, and I'm sorry for that. Continue focusing on you, enjoy YOUR birthday and go do something fun for you - and if you can include friends or family, cool. Thanks Nohbody Your probably right I won't see my things again. Funny thing is her best friend me my ex came to her looking for boxes for shipping. I guess that was a one shot deal for her trying and going further into it. I plan to have dinner with the family and maybe a few drinks later with friends tonight. I'm going to tey and celebrate ME and have a good time tonight. This site is great for getting support since you know others are going through the same thing and helping each other out to make it through these times.
Rea333 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Birthdays are hard when you've been dumped. Especially when you compare them to what you did last year. And your break up is still so recent. You've had a really tough few weeks, so don't feel bad that you feel depressed. It's still early days and as each week passes, you'll feel a bit better. Any significant event in the calendar is likely to make you regress a little and feel down. Just know that after a few days, you'll start to feel a bit better again. It's good that you have the support of family and friends. I don't know how I would have coped without mine. But there is something to be said about having a partner - a significant other to spend your life with. It's only natural you will still miss her. Even though you didn't see her every day, so your day to day routine hasn't necessarily changed, there's something reassuring that you have that other person at the end of the phone. That's how I saw it with my ex. We only saw each other at weekends due to distance, so I try to realise that when I'm moping about mid-week thinking how much I miss him. I just think to myself, well I wouldn't be seeing you now anyway! Hope you feel better and enjoy the rest of your birthday
nyc_guy2003 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Happy birthay. Did she send you a birthday text at least?
Karala Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I really understand how hard that must be. 2 months is really a short period of time, especially considering you've been together 5 years. I'm scared about my birthday that is still 3 months away so I really feel for you. You've really been through a lot. Feel free to get it off your chest, this is what this board is for.
Author phn guy Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 Happy birthay. Did she send you a birthday text at least? Nope. No text, email, im. Nada thing. We work for the same company but she has blocked me from seeing if she is online or not. I haven't checked to see if she restored it though. I don't expect it from her though. From what I know of her once she ends a relationship that person is dead to her. Funny thing is though the guy she was with before his father passed like maybe a few weeks before breaking up with me. And that was the first time she even talked or saw her ex. She went to the wake and funeral to pay her respects to the family cause they were very goood to her. She was going out and living with that guy for 8 years before breaking up with him. Her reasons were she was no longer happy. And then I entered her life. Things were were going good than 5 years later I get dumped. I think to myself maybe she doesn't want to or is afraid of the next step (marriage). But that should matter to me anymore. She left me. Time to try and heal and move on. Can't dwell in the past what's done is done. Hopefully I will enjoy myself in 3 more hours when I get out of work. P.S. Funny thing about that "move on" phrase. She told me that many times in her speech in breaking up with me. She had already moved on before getting the guts to tell me its over.
Karala Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Funny thing about that "move on" phrase. She told me that many times in her speech in breaking up with me. She had already moved on before getting the guts to tell me its over. That's the unfair advantage dumpers have on us. Most of the time they've pondered their decision for weeks, months if not years. They're so ahead of us in the moving on process when they let us know it's over. And you're left thinking if only they'd talked to you instead of thinking it over and making their decision by themselves, you could have worked it though... But that's just the thing, they didn't want to work it through, for whatever reasons that you'll probably never fully comprehend.
Author phn guy Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 That's the unfair advantage dumpers have on us. Most of the time they've pondered their decision for weeks, months if not years. They're so ahead of us in the moving on process when they let us know it's over. And you're left thinking if only they'd talked to you instead of thinking it over and making their decision by themselves, you could have worked it though... But that's just the thing, they didn't want to work it through, for whatever reasons that you'll probably never fully comprehend. The first few days were rough after the break. I thought I could handle it. I went to work the next day thinking I'd be ok. Boy was I wrong. I had to get up several times out of my desk cause I was going to break down and cry. I took the next day off of work and just laid in the dark all day. Now about 2 months since the break. Im doing ok. I still think about her on occasion but not as much as in the beginning. Im trying to keep myself busy and be around friends and family helps alot. I just hope to have a good time later tonight for whatever my friends and family have planned. I really don't like being the center of attention but since its my bday im going to go with the flow and take things day by day. Sometimes hour by hour. I knew she wasn't going to contact me happy birthday. So im okay with that. Its just holidays and special days will be tough to get through. Funny thing is her friends and family either texted, emailed, or called me to wish me a good day. They are all very good people and were surprised and upset she broke up with me. But oh well it shouldn't matter I was with them. They all told me that she never had anything bad to say about me. I guess she Just drifted away from me for some reason and the distance was too much. Well enough of this being sad part. One hour left of work and left me start trying to have a good time atleast for today. 5 days off from work here I come. Just looking at things one day at a time. Lets see what happens tonight. For all of us feeling down on ourselves try to move on and become a better person. Let us learn from our past relationship and move on to the next one. You never know that next person you met maybe the "one". I talk a good game now its time to believe and do it.
Shadowburn Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I hope you feel better soon and will do something nice for yourself on this special day!
Author phn guy Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Well good morning everyone. I had a good night last night with the family. Had some good food and a few drinks. It was good spending time with family. Heard some news about the ex from one of her coworkers and it really didn't upset me. I was told that she has been seeing a new guy. He treats her like **** but still she keeps going back for more. I was the total opposite tried to do everything and anything for her. He is a struggling muscian. She has been thinking of breaking it off with him but can't. I guess the grass isn't greener on the other side. Atleast this guy isn't. Her friend also told me that the mention of my name annoys her. Oh well I've never done anything wrong to deserve this treatment. I was also told that she is trying to seek counselling on why she has issues with this new guy. As of now I'm indifferent. I don't want her back. I want to better myself for the next person who comes in my life. I also guess I'll never get my ring and my stuff back. But I will in the end. I'm going to have her friend get it and pick it up from her. The ex was the one who said she should give it back so I will find a way to get it back. I just wish her the best and hope she can work on her issues she has. I know its only been two months since she left me but I am feeling good. Time does heal. You just have to let it happen. Keep yourself busy and time will do the rest. I was with her for 5 years and never saw this side of her. I am thankful we didn't get married and get that house. It would just be a bigger mess.
Author phn guy Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 I have several things on my mind. Sorry for another post. Her friend from work scolded her for the way she treated me on this break up. She told the ex I didn't deserve it. All I ever did was treat her nice and did things for her other women would dream of. The ex said she did NC for her and to help her move. Obviously the ex doesn't know that NC is used to heal youself not make yourself worse by jumping into another relationship right away. I'm glad I found this site cause it has helped me move on and realize I was the one that didn't have an issue it was her. I also found out that when we first got together she wasn't in to me all that much but just feel in love with me for who I was. Somehow she feel out of love with me. And now she wants a bad boy the party life. I'm in my late 30s. I'm past that. I did all that stuff in college and my early 20s. I'm taking this relationship as a lesson learned and moving on. It was good while it lasted but if it was meant to be it was meant to be. I feel like she is going through GIGS. In the end she may never contact me but she will realize what she had and lost. I know its only been 2 months since the break but I can't wait to meet the person in my life and give them my all and she appreciates it. I won't put myself out there just yet but when I am ready that person will see how wonderful I really am. Also on another note. Listen to the song and read the lyrics of "unanswered prayers". In short it says of the person you want know may not be the person you should be with in the future. It will open up your mind to see that there is a future beyond your ex. Thanks for listening and the replies and reads. This site has helped me a lot in this break. Lol. I should forward this site to the ex. It may help her deal with what she is going through now. I seem to be to nice of a guy to want to help someone who broke my heart. But I am who I am. In the the end a nice guy who got dumped and was unappreciated.
joy79 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Hi, I hope to get over the heartbreak and be as strong as u guys. I appear to be nonchalant about it at work. When l tell my colleagues I am not getting married, I appear strong. But when I am at home by myself before my family is back, tears start rolling. 1 week ago I am supposed to be holding my solemnization ceremony. However everything is cancelled 1 month ago. Next month is my birthday and this will likely trigger lots of tears. Hope I can get over this heartbreak ASAP.
calndn Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Phn guy thankyou for suggesting to read unanswered prayers lyrics it really does give me hope there is someone else out there for me who is far better than my ex was. I went through a breakup 7 months ago it doesn't seem that long ago because he came back into my life for about 3 months (played me around and I was putty in his hands) so I had to go through an even more painful breakup really all over again it felt like! I can tell you that my ex was ldr too and he moved down to me his whole life for me got a job in my hometown etc...and bamn from then on things just weren't the same there were good times but there were also arguments silly little break-ups and 'breaks' and then it got better again then he finished it 5 months after he moves his whole life! I can tell you you are in a much better position with her still living far away because I wish my ex never moved here as he still is here 7 moths later with no intention to move...!!! Him moving close to me ruined what could have been a great relationship well one that covered the reality of his personality, I thought I knew him...I obviously didn't. Joy79 -i ws the same as you tried to put brave face on at work and then get home and cry when I was alone big sobs. It will get better i have the odd day I have a cry but far and few between now, only on his bday really and then mine but I haven't got another milestone for a while not until October when it would be a year since the breakup and by then I hope I don't care. You almost have to a hard as it is, pretend that the relationship didn't happen be the person you were before I was happy full of life with no worries and that's what I'm saying to myself that the year I shared with this guy didn't happen and I'm still that person....I'm getting there! Xx
calndn Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Also forgot to add...the only thing holding me back from letting him go 100% is that I don't think I'm going to find anyone else, I've been through 3 months of counselling so far and it really helps but yes, I still don't thinking going to find someone else! Silly i know!
Author phn guy Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Also forgot to add...the only thing holding me back from letting him go 100% is that I don't think I'm going to find anyone else, I've been through 3 months of counselling so far and it really helps but yes, I still don't thinking going to find someone else! Silly i know! calndn you are welcome for the lyrics to the song unanswered prayers. i guess it will take time but we will all get through this. i know i am only 2 months pass my break but i am doing much better than day 1. i take things day by day sometimes hour by hour. you need to keep yourself busy and possibly even change your normal routine that you once did with your ex. i use to wish for 5pm to get here cause the ex use to call at that time cause we both got out of work the same time. i just try and not to think about it anymore. i go to the gym or a run with my friends. ive been doing alot of different things around my parents house since my dad is sick. i do things that my dad use to do. i do it cause they are my parents and will always love me. break ups hurt not only us as a person but also our families. my dad was pretty hurt the way my ex broke up with me cause he knows i didnt deserve it. my friends and family have told me time and again that i did more than i could for her and it was her feelings that changed not mine. also ldrs are tough on both people in the relationship.i guess i was stronger on my end than she was. i was engaged to her for 2 years. i am just thankful that this happened now than in the future when we were married with children and a house and other things. it would be such a bigger mess than it is now. i also believe if it was meant to be it will be. i also believe God brings people in and out of our lives for a reason. at the time i met my ex she was having problems with her ex. i was the total opposite type of person he was. he treated her like s***. i treated her very well giving her things and taking her places she always wanted to go. i made her feel like she was meant to be loved and not treated like garbage. well that didnt do me any good cause from the rumors i've been hearing she is seeing a new guy who is treating her like s*** again and she is taking it and still wants to be with him. this time i am not going to pick up pieces and be that knight in shining armour. i dont have to anymore. we are no longer together or have a future together. i have accepted that. the last time i even contacted the ex was about 2 weeks after the break. i didnt ask for her back or anything. i just wished her the best in life and thanked her for being in my life for as long as she was. and ended my text message as that. she will eventually realize in the future that i was a nice guy that she throw away. we all need to look on the bright side of things. our ex's may be gone but we are still here. we need to take the time to heal and better ourselves cause in the end we make our own happiness and not someone else. i mean i still think about her on occasion but it will happen since we were together for 5 years and planned a future together. nowadays i think of my own future and think of how i will be happy. if i meet someone new and connect with fine. if i dont oh well. it will happen. you just have to let it happen. i will learn from this relationship and move on and try to not make the same mistakes as i did in the past. with each relationship we have we grow and learn. we just need to accept it and not be down on ourselves. today i can truly say i am happier than day one. surround yourself with family and friends that will help you think positive in life. they are many good people here on LS through all the readings i have done. it has helped me alot. NC has helped me alot. my ex is using NC too but in the wrong way. she is out there partying, hooking up, and whatever sort of thing. she is not healing. she is trying to drown and drink me out of her mind. it will bite her back in the end. but i do hope she will be ok or eventually seek counseling. my family and friends are a better support group than hers cause they are not helping her. they are letting her sink and not heal. but than again if she doesnt want to talk to heal it is her that will suffer. i am going to be a stronger and better person in the end. if i ever see her again she will be the one wondering why did i let him go. **also i was at my friend's mom's wake yesterday and the ex's cousin and wife were there. he was asking me all sorts of questions on how and what i doing, how do i feel, but never once said anything about the ex. i knew this was a fishing trip so he could tell the ex. i just told him "im doing great" "im going to the gym and running" "im meeting new people" "im looking for a new place to live and looking for a new car" all while smiling and being upbeat. i dont need for him to tell the ex that i looked miserable and still missing her. that would just give her my "mojo". they is life after our ex's. we have to believe that!
Author phn guy Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Hi, I hope to get over the heartbreak and be as strong as u guys. I appear to be nonchalant about it at work. When l tell my colleagues I am not getting married, I appear strong. But when I am at home by myself before my family is back, tears start rolling. 1 week ago I am supposed to be holding my solemnization ceremony. However everything is cancelled 1 month ago. Next month is my birthday and this will likely trigger lots of tears. Hope I can get over this heartbreak ASAP. joy79 if at all possible try not to stay home alone. go out for a walk in the park were there are people. you dont have to talk to them. just take a walk with some good music. it will help. as for your birthday spend it with family and friends if you can. they care about you and are there for you. your ex is not. last year for me was one of the best birthdays i ever had cause the ex planned a wonderful and memorable trip. but guess what thats all it is now a good memory from the past. you will have future birthdays that will eventually surpass the times you had with your ex. you will make new and better memories. just remember your birthday is about you to celebrate. it is your day and not your ex's. make yourself happy.
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