col182 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Bit of a long story this, and I have pondered several times about posting here about this. I have been with my girlfriend just over 6 months. A bit of a breif history of the two of us: We went to Primary School together (same class for 4 years) but on our first date was the first time we'd met each other since. Relationship history is that she has had a few relationships, one of about 3 years in which she was cheated on and it impacted her pretty hard, from what she tells me. She since seen a guy for over a year, and now me. I was in a 6 1/2 relationship (my first) and was engaged for the last year of that relationship but left - my choice. Things were great the first couple of months. She is an amazing person, really attractive, sexy, funny, kind, intelligent, independant, caring, all the good things you want in a partner. I genuinely feel priviledged to be with her and often think she deserves someone better. Anyway, go back to mid-April and my feels have just about reached that point. I told her that I'm falling in love with her. However, I knew she didn't feel the same, but made the choice to tell her. When I told her face to face, there wasn't much of a reaction, a short kiss. Since then, I think I've scared her off. A few significant things have happened since then. her Gran passed away which was very hard for the family. I didn't see much of her and I wasn't sure if it was just because she didn't want me to see her upset, or just didn't want to have ME to confide in etc. We wouldn't see each other every day, but would see other for days in a row. We have spent time away together, bar one hiccup(my fault) which almost had her stop seeing me, it's been great. We would also email a fair bit, and text. But that is also tailing off. Then came a chat. We had gone to see a film, but she really did seem elsewhere. Did chat much, arms folded in the film, really not herself. I knew something was up, so asked after before she left me home. She doesn't like to talk about those sorts of things, but said that she just doesn't know how she feels. I got 'I really like you' and 'I'm fond of you' but at the same time she said she doesn't want me to feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. Which I feel now everyday. She said that she really enjoyed the first few months, basically until I told her how I felt. That conversation happened about 3/4 weeks ago. Another piece of info that may help. Her last partner was for just over a year. I know that they did a lot of the same things we have been doing, and eventually she called it off. She admitted she was never really into him and that's why it ended. I'm scared sh*tless I'm turning into that guy - though she has said she would never make that same mistake again. Everyday is a real struggle for me, I'm just waiting for those words. I wish I knew. I can't ask her to talk about it again for that she will just tell me she can't be having all this, and end it. Being in love with someone who doesn't love you back is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. Yours C
Emilia Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Love comes and goes, you will get over it. What matters is whether the person you are with makes you happy. If she doesn't, you should move on. Don't analyse how she was with someone else, that guy isn't you. Does she make you happy? No. Find someone who is more open and ready for a relationship, you obviously are.
Author col182 Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 She makes me really happy. This is my second relationship, and feels much different to my first. First thing on my mind in the morning and the evenings etc etc I also have this fear that there could be someone else, or she would prefer to see someone else. But given what has happened to her, I doubt very much. She just seems like she isn't really interested in me and is slipping away.... Breaking up would be so tough as she has just bought a house around the corner from where I live and I pass her work everyday. I really shouldn't be thinking this way, but I just feel very unwanted.
Thatguyintx Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I have always thought we humans are a strange design. We have this ability to absolutely fall head-over-heels for someone who doesn't feel the same way. Wouldnt it make more sense for our emotions to only kick in when the other person feels the same? But, that's not how it works. Ugh! Unfortunately, based on what you described, she is in a completely different place from you. In a solid relationship, you should not be afraid to talk about the important stuff. You shouldn't feel like you can't share how you feel. Being frank, it would be better to have the talk now rather than later. The sooner you hear how she feels the better. If she wants more, you need to know that. If she wants less, you need to know that too. I feel for you. We have ALL been there at some point in time. (Just getting past a bout of it myself.)
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