shook187 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Firstly i'd like to say i am only on day 2 of NC but after a month of being dumped, i'm doing good! my ex was constatly texting me saying "oh moving on so quickly are you, and hook up all you want" so she was being contradictive and hurtful all based on facebook. I defied the odds here, deleting my facebook and shutting off all mutua friends between us, this has been a hard thing to do considering we had a 5 year relationship. she can't see what i'm doing now and i feel like i'm finally somewhat winning this battle, considering she made last contact. here's some helpful tips i found useful. 1.) Come to terms with yourself. Realize what went wrong and improve upon yourself for future relationships with this information. people on here are saying that they did nothing wrong, this is false, noone leaves for no reason. 2.) Keep yourself busy. Dont forget there are those out there that love you unconditionally. That is probably the root of your depression anyway. Dont psyche yourself out, you are a wonderful person. 3.) Reminders. Get rid of those personal belongings because even though you might have a real friendship with him/her again someday, its just torture. I've taken down photos, 5 years worth of letters, all things she bought me, and put them in storage because i'm not completely ready to let go yet. 4.) Listen to yelpers. We are the all seeing, all knowing, edifyers of truth.
Mack05 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 (edited) I agree with the come to terms with yourself. My ex had her faults and for the longest time I focused on the fact she might have Borderline Personality Disorder and blaming her for our demise. What I should have being doing is focusing on me. After a while you realise (no matter what problems they have) they left for a reason. At the end of our relationship I made my ex many promises if she would stay with me. The truth is, these would have been empty promises and we would have been doomed to failure. Now I am just focusing on me. Focusing on my faults. I broke promises to my ex when we were together. I am determined to NEVER break a promise to anyone again. I know therapy is a thing people don't really want to do. I was very apprehensive about doing Therapy but I can't get over the difference in myself. I have become very self aware. When I was with my ex, I couldn't figure out why things went as wrong as they did. Now, I really know myself and I feel I will be a far better man to be in a relationship going forward. I still have tough days but overall I don't care why she might or might not have or what her problems are. As long as she's happy.. I posted this on another thread about moving on. The best advice I can give you is to Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Don't ignore them. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad and feeling sad for awhile (as long as it takes). There is no easy fix here I'm afraid. Some people ignore their feelings or don't deal with them in the correct way and move on to new relationships quickly (making excuses and kidding themselves). In my case, I ignored my feelings and turned to addictions (NOT THE WAY TO GO!!). The people that ignore their feelings and don't face them are the people that end up in trouble times/bad relationships later in life (believe me I know). You keep running away the past catches you eventually, and worst still you wake up one day and you don't even recognise yourself in the mirror and wonder where the years went. Feelings are like weeds. If you ignore them and try to move past them, then they eventually run wild and consume you. It's ok to feel alot of different emotions, sadness, anger, hurt etc etc. Just feel them and go through the pain, don't ignore it. Some days are worse then others. You might take the odd step backwards, but the key is to keep moving forward, slowly at your own pace. The things that helped me move forward were.. 1) Writing. I wrote alot. Letters to my ex I never sent. Kept a diary about the emotions I was feeling (I just wrote what was in my head at that moment). You will be surprised how Theraputic writing actually is. 2) Exercise. Going to the gym when you feel good is hard, when you are feeling low it's VERY hard. But you feel an enormous sense of achievement after a tough workout and its proven getting fit rebuilds lost self esteem.. 3) Clear all memories of you ex from your house. Not only that try avoid the places you used to go to together.. 4) Try hang out with friends as much as you can.. 5) Goals. Write a list of short term and long term goals. From household chores to career goals. Cross each one off that you achieve. These goals give a purpose to your day. 6) Do things your ex hated, watch movies she said she didn't like.. There is no quick fix mate. All breakups test our character. It's how we respond to that test that determines the kind of people we are going to be and the type of relationships we are going to have in the future.. Edited June 8, 2011 by Mack05
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