Crazy chick1 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 It has been said on here that my A with MM is continuing (as EA) because NC has been broken & we are back talking (albeit on a far less regular basis, so far). I get that. But what is the difference between what is happening in my case as opposed to in others who state they are in LC? And is it possible for one AP to be in an EA, whilst the other is simply trying to wean themselves away, ie in LC?
MissBee Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 (edited) IMO there is none... In a regular relationship, I think having LC with your ex is a form of an emotional relationship and keeping the emotional ties going. The fact is: when you've been involved romantically you HAVE to sever the bond and usually it takes total NC for it to be completely severed. Simply saying 'We're done" but still talking all the time or sometimes is not allowing that bond to be broken, so it's still carrying on an emotional relationship. Example, when I was in the OW situation, I told the guy that we needed to be friends. It was also LD so what did us being friends mean? No more affectionate phrases? Not that many phone calls? What? In any case...it was rather ambiguous and because we were still talking it fell back into the SAME pattern of a more romantic thing, because there was no way to continue talking and have the emotional ties be severed. He one day did the disappearing act and then a year later came back and explained why he did it, and in his explanation he included and I quote: "There was no way for me to end things amicably and still be friends as the more we spoke, the more my feelings would grow so I thought it best I fell off the earth." Though it had upset me that he disappeared, he was right! We tried it before...it didn't work, the only way to stop it was to cut it off completely. One of us had to do it, he did it, whether he did it because of d-day or because he was so conscious about doing what was best for me and him, I don't know but it was a blessing in disguise that helped me to move forward. Limited contact with a former romantic partner and an emotional affair are one and the same in my book. Edited June 8, 2011 by MissBee
jj33 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I think it depends why you are in contact with him. If you work with him you cant not speak to him. If you are calling each other and saying I just wanted to see how you are, or I miss you or whatever then its an EA. Its not possible in most cases for people to go immediately from an affair or any serious romantic relationship to just being friends. A lot of people try to fool themselves by saying we were friends we are friends we arent sleeping together anymore so its not an affair. You will know the difference. It took me several years to become friends with xMM. We were in contact alot for a few years because we worked together a lot. My position has changed so we hardly work together any more but so much time has passed that we can now be in touch without it being an EA. That being said, we dont go out of our way to spend time together. Its more of a collegial friendship than a social friendship
fooled once Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I agree with both MissBee and jj. I think you aren't ready or willing to let go yet, and IMHO dragging it out. You need a clean break to heal. Many people can't do the "friends" thing, which is okay. You do not have to be friends with a former lover / partner.
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