thatone Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 you could make the second date shorter, suggest meeting somewhere and tell him you don't have a lot of time that day. that's as fair a shot as he can ask for at this point.
Author dangerstranger Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 you could make the second date shorter, suggest meeting somewhere and tell him you don't have a lot of time that day. that's as fair a shot as he can ask for at this point. That's true, I could. The thing is I feel pressured by him. He wants to text all day long, and he says things like "Is it wrong that I miss your smile?" He's also full of flattery, and since I'm on the fence, it's pushing me in the other direction. I already told him before me met that I wanted something low pressure, and to go on our date with a friends first outlook.
Cracker Jack Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I don't think you should even go on a second date. That'll really make him believe there's something there. Do you think you feel differently if you were less pressured?
USCGAviator Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I don't get it. It rarely happens (not trying to boast) but I can tell when a woman is not interested in me. And faking interest for the sake of being nice is more obvious than showing genuine feelings. Maybe its technology making people less "in tune" with their counterparts.
Author dangerstranger Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 I don't think you should even go on a second date. That'll really make him believe there's something there. Do you think you feel differently if you were less pressured? It's possible. He was over-eager before the date and that could have set the precedence for the date itself. I guess I am hearing from so many people (on here and IRL) that they have gone on to have great relationships with people they didn't feel chemistry with at first. I've never gone out on a second date if the chemistry wasn't there at first.... But guess what? All those people I've dated long term started out with electricity and I'm currently single....So something isn't working. I certainly don't want to lead him on or hurt him in any way while I am deciding what to do.
JHS Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Now I am left with the awful task of letting him down. Puh-leeze. He'll live; trust me.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 This is the issue I have pre-first date (reason #598 why I'm done with online dating), is that you can text and talk on the phone a bunch before actually meeting, then meet up and find out you just don't have attraction or chemistry. Or, you can not text or call at all, just meet, and risk not having any chemistry out of awkwardness of meeting someone you know nothing about. As for what to do, I strongly recommend you do this and ignore all other responses: If he contacts you again and asks you out, tell him you had a nice time but you didn't feel any chemistry, then wish him the best of luck. Don't ignore him, he's a human being, he was respectful to you, give him respect back. Don't lead him on and cancel, just.....be.....honest. If he says anything else like "why?" or wants more explanation, or begs, or gets mad, or anything other than "nice meeting you, best of luck as well", THEN you can ignore him. But from a guy who has been on the other end, it sucks not knowing if someone is going to return your call or not, especially when the guy thinks you two had such a great time. You'll drag his mind and hearth through hell of not knowing what is going on. Just be honest and tell him you didn't have chemistry. There's no shame in that, and I think odds are he will respect your honesty and thank you.
Author dangerstranger Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 This is the issue I have pre-first date (reason #598 why I'm done with online dating), is that you can text and talk on the phone a bunch before actually meeting, then meet up and find out you just don't have attraction or chemistry. Or, you can not text or call at all, just meet, and risk not having any chemistry out of awkwardness of meeting someone you know nothing about. As for what to do, I strongly recommend you do this and ignore all other responses: If he contacts you again and asks you out, tell him you had a nice time but you didn't feel any chemistry, then wish him the best of luck. Don't ignore him, he's a human being, he was respectful to you, give him respect back. Don't lead him on and cancel, just.....be.....honest. If he says anything else like "why?" or wants more explanation, or begs, or gets mad, or anything other than "nice meeting you, best of luck as well", THEN you can ignore him. But from a guy who has been on the other end, it sucks not knowing if someone is going to return your call or not, especially when the guy thinks you two had such a great time. You'll drag his mind and hearth through hell of not knowing what is going on. Just be honest and tell him you didn't have chemistry. There's no shame in that, and I think odds are he will respect your honesty and thank you. Still on the fence about this guy. We are still talking. I'm actually going to go out with him tomorrow.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Still on the fence about this guy. We are still talking. I'm actually going to go out with him tomorrow. What? Why? You're entitled to your decision, but keep in mind that someone's heart is at stake. I'm not saying he's right for falling so crazy for you before/after the first date, he needs to learn to chill out a little, that's for sure, but still. He has feelings, and the more times you go out with him, the more he's going to get lead on to think you two have something real. If you're telling yourself to do this because what you're doing isn't "working" and that forcing yourself to try and have chemistry with a great guy, you are not doing either of you favors. It will come out in the long run. Whether its after months, years, or through divorce. Go with your gut, and if your gut tells you to see him again then do it. BUT, if it tells you that you don't feel for him, let him go.
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