Sew2289 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I am in the process of a very bitter and twisted break-up. A few months ago I became involved with an individual who was in the process of a break-up. A few weeks prior to the break-up, she admitted she had feelings toward me. While she was breaking up with him, she was using me as a shoulder. She laid out reasons for breaking up with him, which included she wanted to change herself as person, didn’t want to be tied down to the one person for the rest of her life, and then, her feelings for me. I should have seen these sorts of reasons as red flags for entering this mess with her, but I guess my lack of relationship experience never interfered with the strong feelings I had towards her. After she broke up with him, she began dating me. Two days later. She never had time alone and apart from him to simply “get over him”. While she was with me, she continued to see him as “friends”. Once again, didn’t see it as a flag, as I thought she wanted to keep a healthy friendship with him. Over time, I began to realise that whenever she was around me, she always talked about him. She knew it annoyed me, I admitted it to her and despite this, she just kept going on and on. I knew that deep down inside me, she wasn’t over him and this was reflected in the time spent away from me, posting depressing Facebook statuses and never really doing much whenever I couldn’t be around her. Signs of a rebound huh? I always asked her what was wrong and she was never really open to her feelings. About a week ago she became distant. It was up to me to try and spill her feelings and once she did, this was the beginning of the end. She admitted she still had very strong feelings for him and that she was afraid to admit this to me. She also began pointless arguments over nothing, pinning me as the bad guy. One night she said she wishes things would go back to the way they were. Questioning this, I found out this was her ex boyfriend. But then she retracted this and said, “I don’t know whom I want to be with”. I was angry. Very angry. She thought I was blaming her for still having feelings for her ex. It was like she was purposely giving me all these reasons to break up with her. And I did. I stated to her that I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who could not commit 100% of her feelings towards me. I was foolish to think that this could work out in the first place!!! So I told a few people about what happened after the break-up, just venting you know? And some of these people are also her friends. Somehow, it has gotten back to her, that I’ve simply told these people that she “Dumped me for her ex” and I never implied this. All I said was that she still had feelings for her ex, she didn’t know who she wanted to be with and that I wasn’t going to put up with this. A recent Facebook status of hers blatantly says I’m a liar… This has killed me. The way she is tagging me as liar is destroying me more than the actual break-up. I haven’t spoken to her since the break-up and now I don’t know what to do in response to this. Have it out with her? I just feel so bad about it all and so worthless about anything at the moment I feel that I’d just end up getting into more and more arguments with her where neither of us would understand our reasons for anything. The past few days feels like I have no future ahead of me because I’ve lost the only person I have ever loved and yet at the same time, I feel like I’ve lost my dignity because I got myself into such a situation with someone. The fact she’s calling me a liar now feels like I’ve also lost any chance with being friends with her. But now that I look back, why would I ever want to be friends with someone like this huh? Guess I’m just an idiot learning life lessons the hard way..
Nohbody Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 The anger she feels is toward herself for dumping someone she obviously still cared for. You are, unfortunately, the lightning rod that attracts that anger as the rebound. Implement NC is recommended - get away from the situation and don't worry about what she says - she has no idea what she really wants and will say anything to justify whatever the hell it is she decides to do. Ok. Channeled a little there, but I stand by it.
Author Sew2289 Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 Thanks for the reply. If I ever broke up with someone, I always imagined for it to be in a civil manner. I guess it's not the case with her and it really shows her what sort of character she is. No contact is the best, I do agree. The only thing I'm having trouble with atm is not being able to defend myself when she calls me a liar in front of the entire Facebook population. But I guess if I was on Facebook and saw someone post something like that I'd think very low of them anyway. Guess it really shows her level of maturity.
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