GivenUp0083 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 My ex broke NC with me after a month to "say hi" and make small talk. I responded with short, unemotional answers to her trivial questions. At the time I thought maybe she wanted to talk about something, but she never brought anything important up in the short time we chatted online. Then I made the mistake of calling, but she didn't answer. She emailed me that night after bed to tell me she saw my call but it was too late to call back and to give her a call sometime. I said I would the next night. I never did. I didn't call because I don't have anything to say to her. It's been 5 days since I said I would call. She hasn't tried to call me, and I blocked her on chat. I'm just now starting to wonder if she had anything to say to me. Is there a chance she needed more time to ease into telling me something important and I shut it down completely by blocking her and lying when I said I'd call?
Mack05 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Dude that is why we said go NC. This has set you back in your progress...Stay NC
Nohbody Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 If she wants to tell you something, she'll do it. You won't be able to stop her.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 If she wants to tell you something, she'll do it. You won't be able to stop her. How do you know that? What if she did but after a whole 5 weeks she didn't know if I cared, and me slamming the door by saying I'd call and NOT calling told her I don't? To some extent I don't care, but I just want to know if she had something to say. I'm past wanting her back, because I wouldn't do it, I just want to hear what she has to say or know if there is anything.
radiodarcy Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 GivenUp, my friend, you are reading way too much into this. you can't possibly know what's on her mind unless she tells you. speculation will get you no where and will only lead you in circles. chances are she was just "checking in" that's it. dumpers do that from time to time. why i have no idea - - since i've never dumped anyone . my guess is she did it to see how much sway she has over you; she probably wanted to see if you would "jump" when she contacted you. stick to NC and don't feed into it
Author GivenUp0083 Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 GivenUp, my friend, you are reading way too much into this. you can't possibly know what's on her mind unless she tells you. speculation will get you no where and will only lead you in circles. chances are she was just "checking in" that's it. dumpers do that from time to time. why i have no idea - - since i've never dumped anyone . my guess is she did it to see how much sway she has over you; she probably wanted to see if you would "jump" when she contacted you. stick to NC and don't feed into it You're probably right, but I hate not knowing....grrr
Fedor Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 You're probably right, but I hate not knowing....grrr Believe in me, that is the worst.
radiodarcy Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 (edited) Believe in me, that is the worst. indeed! whenever i decided to bite the bullet and ask my ex about his motives for doing x,y & z, i was sorry i asked; because it turned out it wasn't what i thought it was or to be not much of anything at all. in short - - it was all in my head. i was deluding myself into thinking something was there when it wasn't. your ex is a grown woman. if there's something on her mind that she wants you to know about she needs to open her mouth and tell you. not via cryptic actions so that you have to pull it out of her. you may still care about her and want to know what's on her mind but none of that grants you telepathic powers. if there's something on her mind, it's up to her to tell you. Edited June 8, 2011 by radiodarcy
Author GivenUp0083 Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 indeed! whenever i decided to bite the bullet and ask my ex about his motives for doing x,y & z, i was sorry i asked; because it turned out it wasn't what i thought it was or to be not much of anything at all. in short - - it was all in my head. i was deluding myself into thinking something was there when it wasn't. your ex is a grown woman. if there's something on her mind that she wants you to know about she needs to open her mouth and tell you. not via cryptic actions so that you have to pull it out of her. you may still care about her and want to know what's on her mind but none of that grants you telepathic powers. if there's something on her mind, it's up to her to tell you. Let's say you're right, she SHOULD tell me..... But what if her close friends (she has quite a few) are constantly reminding her NOT to contact me and telling her she needs to walk away and stick with her decision. Basically, what if people are giving her bad advice? What if she truly wants to talk, as I want to listen, and people are telling her not to? That's what I think more of it is than her just not having anything to say. Of course I could be dead wrong, but so could you.
vsmini Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Let's say you're right, she SHOULD tell me..... But what if her close friends (she has quite a few) are constantly reminding her NOT to contact me and telling her she needs to walk away and stick with her decision. Basically, what if people are giving her bad advice? What if she truly wants to talk, as I want to listen, and people are telling her not to? That's what I think more of it is than her just not having anything to say. Of course I could be dead wrong, but so could you. Then good riddance to a girl that can't decide things for herself and has her friends dictate her actions. This is most likely not the case - if she really wanted to talk...she would.
Nohbody Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 How do you know that? What if she did but after a whole 5 weeks she didn't know if I cared, and me slamming the door by saying I'd call and NOT calling told her I don't? To some extent I don't care, but I just want to know if she had something to say. I'm past wanting her back, because I wouldn't do it, I just want to hear what she has to say or know if there is anything. Would that stop you?
Exit Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 But what if her close friends (she has quite a few) are constantly reminding her NOT to contact me and telling her she needs to walk away and stick with her decision. Basically, what if people are giving her bad advice? What if she truly wants to talk, as I want to listen, and people are telling her not to? If she truly wants to talk, she's not going to let her friends advice stop her. Just like the advice many people give you doesn't stop you from feeling the way you feel anyway. If she really wanted to say something to you, and her friends were trying to convince her not to, she would still wake up some day and realize screw everyone else, I want to talk to him. If her friends advice is actually enough to talk her out of getting in touch with you, then she obviously doesn't care enough. All these situations resolve themselves and don't require all the stress and effort on our part. She would either say something to you (despite friends, family, natural disasters, etc) or she won't. Either way, whatever happens is exactly what is supposed to happen.
radiodarcy Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 (edited) Let's say you're right, she SHOULD tell me..... But what if her close friends (she has quite a few) are constantly reminding her NOT to contact me and telling her she needs to walk away and stick with her decision. Basically, what if people are giving her bad advice? What if she truly wants to talk, as I want to listen, and people are telling her not to? That's what I think more of it is than her just not having anything to say. Of course I could be dead wrong, but so could you. sure i could be wrong. wouldn't be a first. but really - - as other posters have already pointed out how lame is it that she isn't saying anything because her friends are telling her not to? she's what 27? she's old enough to make up her own mind. think abt it, how many times have you seen people come on love shack, ask to be talked out of breaking NC, get all pumped up not to, then turn around the next day and sheepishly say that they did just that? whether it's friends or an anonymous board of strangers telling someone not to contact their ex - -people turn around and do it anyway. why would your ex be any different? i can't tell you how many times my friends told me to go NC on my ex and did i listen? nope. why? because it was entirely within my power to contact him. same goes for your ex - - and she's the dumper to boot. it's up to her if she wants to contact you. not her friends. and trust me: she knows it. Edited June 8, 2011 by radiodarcy
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