ilovedhim Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Just when I thought I was getting over the tough days, I find out my ex boyfriend's brother is engaged. Why this bothers me I don't know. His brother was always very nice to me and I'm sincerely happy for him. But also his best friend is back with his ex. The only other person he really hangs out with has a girlfriend. Does that mean he may be seeing someone? Last week my ex contacted me saying he misses, wants to see me, etc. etc. but nothing came of it. Told him I was seeing someone. He wanted to know who it was, I stopped responding to him that night. He hasn't contacted me since. Now I'm wondering if I should call to congratulate him, however he didn't contact me to tell me. Feeling so miserable and bitter that perhaps I meant nothing to him.
Lilmisus Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Wait..his brother got engaged, and you think you meant nothing to your ex..because of that? I honestly don't see the logic here. But I do understand how his having those around him be in loving relationships makes you remember and think about where he's at in terms of his love life. But..just because his brother is engaged, and his best friend is in a relationship..doesn't mean he's found someone else. It just means..they both are in relationships...and he apparently misses you (since he told you that a week ago). If you want to, go ahead and congratulate his brother. Shoot him a text, or message him on Facebook. I'd only do it though if you were close to him..or knew him for a long period of time. If you only dated your ex for say..four months..and saw his brother three times..then yeah..I'd pass on that. But don't just do this as a way to get in touch with your ex..if that's why you're thinking about doing it..don't! If you want to talk to your ex..just talk to the dude (and say in passing "Tell your brother I said congrats") but don't just use this as an excuse.
Author ilovedhim Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 It depresses me about his brother because he's 10 years younger, appparently more mature and hasn't known this woman as long as we have. Yet here they are getting engaged and he's spouting all this lovey dovey stuff. My ex isn't like this. He's unemotional to a fault. Maybe I'm jealous, dissappointed, annnoyed, I don't know. I'm not contacting him unless my ex tells me the news.
Eeyore79 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 It sounds like jealousy, which is understandable under the circumstances. The brother has proposed to his gf, while your ex (who should be more ready for commitment as he's older) has broken up with you. Perhaps you wish that your ex was more commitment-oriented like his brother, or perhaps you're jealous because you're older than the bride-to-be and she has a man who's willing to commit to her while you don't. All I can say is that brothers aren't necessarily alike; I was in a similar situation and it contributed towards my relationship ending. My ex's younger brother proposed to a girl he dated for one year, while I had been with my ex for much longer and he hadn't proposed to me, and we were significantly older. I got increasingly annoyed when their wedding day and our anniversary came and went, and his brother's new wife got pregnant while we weren't even married. My ex said he wasn't ready for marriage any time soon, I felt resentful about his younger brother's wedding, and our relationship was on a downhill slide, so I dumped him. I still feel jealous when I see younger women getting married, because nobody wants to marry me, and it's hurtful to watch others having all the things I want (which are gradually slipping further out of my reach as I get older). It happened for them and it seems unfair that it never happened for me... but I guess nobody said that life is fair...
Author ilovedhim Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 Yes maybe its jealousy. But I would never want to be married to my ex. I know this yet I'm envious of his brother and fiance. I'm learning in retrospect that inever trusted him. His brother is more stable, has better relationships with people, more long term , better familial ties, doesn't do drugs or even smoke and is overall more grounded. I wish my ex could've been like this. My reaction to this worries me about the day my ex gets a new gf or worse , married.
Eeyore79 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 My ex got married last year and has just had a baby. I'm happy for him, and I would never have wanted to marry him, but at the same time I feel jealous. I'm not jealous because I want to be with him - I most definitely don't - I'm jealous because I want the things that he has. I want a spouse, and a baby, and a home, and it really hurts when someone who was close to you gets everything you ever wanted. I guess you can distance yourself from it a little more if the person who has everything you desire is a stranger; it just seems to hit harder when it's someone close. I know you don't necessarily want to marry your ex, but I'm guessing you do wish for a stable loving relationship leading to marriage, hence why you feel jealous that someone close to you has achieved that. Hopefully it's at least made you clearer about what you want and what type of person might be able to offer that.
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