Gissie Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Just ended a 6 month affair with MM. It didnt end badly, just abruptly as A usually does. On one of the occasions when we were supposed to meet - something happened to his kid and he had to prioritize that. It just was a reality check on whole situation, at least for me, and I knew I didnt want to continue any longer. Its been NC for a week and Ive had time to think and I actually feel good about it ending. Wanted to share my thoughts through this process and how Ive taken this as a learning in life and how I think it actually will have positive impact on me as a person. MM: I dont blame him for this. He is going through midlife crisis and I just happened to enter his life at a moment when I seemed like an answer to all his problems. I was younger, spontaneus, fun, sexy and independent. Just free. I gave him that feeling of being young again and took away the boredom. He fell for me in a way that he just wasnt even thinking straight. The opportunity was there and he ran with it. He pursued me when I was questioning his motives. He did make it clear he was looking to change his life and he wasnt there to play around. I could be bitter and say why did he "lie". But I dont think he did. He meant it at the time- He just hadnt thought it through really. I also flirted with him and eventually allowed it to happen , knowing he has a family. So I played my part on taking the risk. OW(me): I dont blame myself for this either. He entered my life in a stage when I was very vulnerable. Ive been looking to meet a real man (instead of all the little boys Ive been dating) and I was very lonely. He seemed like an answer to all my problems. He was charming, confident, funny, passionate and made me feel like the most beautiful and smart woman in this world. He adored me. I did put him through a lot the beginning but eventually I couldnt resist and he "got me". I took a risk with him and believing all he said, knowing the situation. BS: I definitely dont blame the wife. I have never thought for a second that MM is cheating because she must make him so unhappy. MM is doing this for his selfish reasons only and Ive always known that. The little I know of her, she seems to have a good career and is doing a good job raising the kids. I bet she is a good person and I bet MM loves her. Affairs can end in various ways and they also happen for various reasons. There is no right or wrong answer. Sometimes married couples go though crises (like extramarital affair) just so that they can grow together as couple. Affair can make their marriage stronger. Sometimes marriages end and they can re-marry and be happier with their new partners. Some cant make up their mind and go back and forth before actually figuring out whats the right way. Some stay because of kids and long after their lost love for the rest of their lives. Its all part of life. Ive seen kids grow strong and happy after their parents have divorced. So cant even say people should always stay married and unhappy because of kids. It all depends. In certain moments its hard to see the "reason" for all thats happening. But somewhere down the line, there always is one. In my case, I feel I get the big picture. I dont feel I need MM to contact me and give me any "closure". Im not bitter, I dont blame anyone and I also dont feel quilt because its not me whos cheating. If it wasnt me, there would have been someone else. Maybe even already was.MM is on a journey to figure out who he really is and it will happen on its own because it all has to do with him. So after all this, Im happy that Im strong enough to just take things as they come. Im still happy of who I am as a person and I can honestly wish all the best to MM and his partner on whatever life will bring them. Im strong enough to let life sort itself out without me trying to control it.
dumbblonde Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Just ended a 6 month affair with MM. It didnt end badly, just abruptly as A usually does. On one of the occasions when we were supposed to meet - something happened to his kid and he had to prioritize that. It just was a reality check on whole situation, at least for me, and I knew I didnt want to continue any longer. Its been NC for a week and Ive had time to think and I actually feel good about it ending. Wanted to share my thoughts through this process and how Ive taken this as a learning in life and how I think it actually will have positive impact on me as a person. MM: I dont blame him for this. He is going through midlife crisis and I just happened to enter his life at a moment when I seemed like an answer to all his problems. I was younger, spontaneus, fun, sexy and independent. Just free. I gave him that feeling of being young again and took away the boredom. He fell for me in a way that he just wasnt even thinking straight. The opportunity was there and he ran with it. He pursued me when I was questioning his motives. He did make it clear he was looking to change his life and he wasnt there to play around. I could be bitter and say why did he "lie". But I dont think he did. He meant it at the time- He just hadnt thought it through really. I also flirted with him and eventually allowed it to happen , knowing he has a family. So I played my part on taking the risk. OW(me): I dont blame myself for this either. He entered my life in a stage when I was very vulnerable. Ive been looking to meet a real man (instead of all the little boys Ive been dating) and I was very lonely. He seemed like an answer to all my problems. He was charming, confident, funny, passionate and made me feel like the most beautiful and smart woman in this world. He adored me. I did put him through a lot the beginning but eventually I couldnt resist and he "got me". I took a risk with him and believing all he said, knowing the situation. BS: I definitely dont blame the wife. I have never thought for a second that MM is cheating because she must make him so unhappy. MM is doing this for his selfish reasons only and Ive always known that. The little I know of her, she seems to have a good career and is doing a good job raising the kids. I bet she is a good person and I bet MM loves her. Affairs can end in various ways and they also happen for various reasons. There is no right or wrong answer. Sometimes married couples go though crises (like extramarital affair) just so that they can grow together as couple. Affair can make their marriage stronger. Sometimes marriages end and they can re-marry and be happier with their new partners. Some cant make up their mind and go back and forth before actually figuring out whats the right way. Some stay because of kids and long after their lost love for the rest of their lives. Its all part of life. Ive seen kids grow strong and happy after their parents have divorced. So cant even say people should always stay married and unhappy because of kids. It all depends. In certain moments its hard to see the "reason" for all thats happening. But somewhere down the line, there always is one. In my case, I feel I get the big picture. I dont feel I need MM to contact me and give me any "closure". Im not bitter, I dont blame anyone and I also dont feel quilt because its not me whos cheating. If it wasnt me, there would have been someone else. Maybe even already was.MM is on a journey to figure out who he really is and it will happen on its own because it all has to do with him. So after all this, Im happy that Im strong enough to just take things as they come. Im still happy of who I am as a person and I can honestly wish all the best to MM and his partner on whatever life will bring them. Im strong enough to let life sort itself out without me trying to control it. Great reading Gissie and I have taken note and comfort from your words in my current situation. Thanks. x
whichwayisup Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 A very healthy and mature way of handling and processing things. I hope you find love and happiness again with the right person when the timing is right. All the best G.
fooled once Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Only issue I see is you and MM made a decision for the wife who was never informed of the affair. How exactly is that ok? Shouldn't she know her H is a cheater so she can get an STD check and also decide if she wants to continue her marriage knowing her H lied and betrayed her?
Breezy Trousers Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Wishing you all the best, Gissie.... You sound grounded.
Author Gissie Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 Only issue I see is you and MM made a decision for the wife who was never informed of the affair. How exactly is that ok? Shouldn't she know her H is a cheater so she can get an STD check and also decide if she wants to continue her marriage knowing her H lied and betrayed her? I knew someone would bring this up Im not saying it was right what we did. But what I am saying is its not MY JOB to interfere and be telling the wife "truths" about what happened between us. What good would that do to anyone? Think about it. I have no idea whats really going on between them. The wife could be cheating too - how knows. Like I said earlier its all about the H and his doings. If it wasnt me he cheated with, there would have been someone else sooner or later because unconciously thats whats he was looking for. Life will sort its self out and the wife might find out through some other affair of his, he might tell her to clear his concience or she might never know and the H will sort of his issues on his own and they live happily ever after. The point is its all on H because he has to live with what his done. I dont because Im out of the picture. IF he would have left his family for me and we would be together, it would be a different story because then I would have to live with what we´ve done and it would be the price I would have to pay. (dealing with his kids and xW)
2sunny Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 what i see is you avoiding taking responsibility for the way you participated. you said: you don't blame MM you don't blame yourself you don't blame his W so who's to blame? something happened - somebody/somebodies caused this something (A) to happen - yet NO ONE takes responsibility for how this happened? come onnnnnn, be honest. YOU participated and so did your MM - you both participated on a level that caused potential harm and damage to a woman who has no idea she was wronged. i sure hope some day when you are married - and you innocent hubby and his OW claim "innocent" that you understand it all as much as you do right now. own it - YOUR behavior is what you should own. you did it - it is yours. our behavior is what shows what our character is. think about what you typed here... it doesn't add up that no one is to blame when SOMETHING did happen.
Author Gissie Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 Thank You all for your positive comments! Im really happy I feel I got my head straight and Im ready to move on. Wishing you all (in a similar situation) the same. Few tips you might find useful: Your feelings are real but what you feel is not necessarily REAL. You dont have to act based on what you feel. You might truly feel MM is your soulmate and the ONE youve waited all your life. Its ok to feel this way as long as you get what you deserve out of the relationship. Once you realise your knight in shining armor is doing nothing but making you miserable you need a reality check. Ive learned you cant stop the way you feel but you can stop acting on it. You alone are responsible for your own happiness. Its called law of attraction. Life gives you what you ask from it. If you end up in A, you need to ask yourself why it happened to you. In many cases OW´s have really low self esteem. The A ends up being a battle between W and OW and OW has to win because it validates their self worth. This has nothing to do with anything but the OW herself. OW is making her own life miserable and attrating more misery. Then again if you turn it around and start doing things that make you feel good about yourself, good things will come.
Author Gissie Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 what i see is you avoiding taking responsibility for the way you participated. you said: you don't blame MM you don't blame yourself you don't blame his W so who's to blame? something happened - somebody/somebodies caused this something (A) to happen - yet NO ONE takes responsibility for how this happened? come onnnnnn, be honest. YOU participated and so did your MM - you both participated on a level that caused potential harm and damage to a woman who has no idea she was wronged. i sure hope some day when you are married - and you innocent hubby and his OW claim "innocent" that you understand it all as much as you do right now. own it - YOUR behavior is what you should own. you did it - it is yours. our behavior is what shows what our character is. think about what you typed here... it doesn't add up that no one is to blame when SOMETHING did happen. We so are not talking on the same level. I have never claimed I had no share on this. Im just doing my best on doing the right thing now after it happened. So whats your suggestion I should do now. Is it wrong to just accept it happened. Accepting doesnt mean Im saying it was RIGHT what happened. In addition life will get you what you ask from it. Im sure H will suffer because what he did on his own. Maybe I will get cheated on later in life (as you wished) but I think I already hurt myself on doing this to begin with. Im just not being narrow minded here.
turnstone Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Gissie, what a very intelligent attitude. Thanks so much for posting, it all helps to balance out so much unhealthyness. 2Sunny wasn't wishing your future H cheats on you, she was wishing you understand it if it does. Although admittedly she didn't use the word 'if'. Gissie, have you any plans in place of what you will do if the MM contacts you? Is there any likelihood his wife may get to know about you?
Author Gissie Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 Gissie, what a very intelligent attitude. Thanks so much for posting, it all helps to balance out so much unhealthyness. 2Sunny wasn't wishing your future H cheats on you, she was wishing you understand it if it does. Although admittedly she didn't use the word 'if'. Gissie, have you any plans in place of what you will do if the MM contacts you? Is there any likelihood his wife may get to know about you? Oh misunderstanding well if my H will cheat on me I will of course try to understand because he will obviously then be going through something. Doesnt mean I wouldnt be hurt. On MM contacting me. Im hoping he doesnt and if he does then hopefully later when Im far moved on and it will be easier to hold my ground. He is a smart man and he knows he cant contact me any longer unless he has figured out what he wants on his own. No matter what he says I will not go back unless he has actually moved out and we could date like normal people. Otherwise we can only say our civilized goodbyes and I dont have need for that. Just empty words. I know he knows this too. Thats why he is not contacting me and Im happy with that. It shows he has some character after all.
Author Gissie Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 what i see is you avoiding taking responsibility for the way you participated. you said: you don't blame MM you don't blame yourself you don't blame his W so who's to blame? I could start the blame game instead. I could blame MM. He said he wanted to really be with me I could blame myself. Why was I so stupid to let this happen. I should have known he didnt mean what he said I could blame the W He would have never done this if he wasnt so unhappy with her. She drove him into this There is always many sides to the story. I had my reasons for his happening, so did everyone else. Im just trying to see the forest from the trees. I dont see blaming will add anything but pain. I am improving to be a better person. As for H and W I cant do anything, its their life.
AuthenticBliss Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Hi Gissie. Thank you for sharing your story and insight. I think what 2sunny is referring to is none of us are perfect, but we do have the ability to say no. You were in a bad place, he was in a bad place, but you could have been the bigger and better person by rejecting his advances. You chose not to do that, and here's your result. You see, someone in the scenario eventually has to step up and be the better person. You ended the A, so that shows a step in the right direction. However, you implied that if he contacts you, you might be vulnerable to continuing the A. What are you doing to ensure that doesn't happen, and if the opportunity presents itself with him or another unavailable man, that you are the better person? I think what 2sunny is trying to convey is that you have some understanding, but you haven't said what changes you are making to yourself as a result.
Author Gissie Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 Hi Gissie. Thank you for sharing your story and insight. I think what 2sunny is referring to is none of us are perfect, but we do have the ability to say no. You were in a bad place, he was in a bad place, but you could have been the bigger and better person by rejecting his advances. You chose not to do that, and here's your result. You see, someone in the scenario eventually has to step up and be the better person. You ended the A, so that shows a step in the right direction. However, you implied that if he contacts you, you might be vulnerable to continuing the A. What are you doing to ensure that doesn't happen, and if the opportunity presents itself with him or another unavailable man, that you are the better person? I think what 2sunny is trying to convey is that you have some understanding, but you haven't said what changes you are making to yourself as a result. Making it clear again that I never said I had no part on this. I also said I will not go back with him unless he would have totally changed his life. Of course I am still vulnerable of him but I still wont because I understand its just not right thing to do, it doesnt get me anywhere. I didnt really understand what I was getting myself into and as a learning I will not do it again. Just through this process Ive learned to see things from all perspectives, thats what I was trying to say. Some people here just seem to look at things from their POV only (i.e betrayed wifes) and want me to take the blame like its all my fault for laying my hands on someone else husband. It is partly my fault. Not all my fault. I understand some people here are bitter but I just think they would help themselves if they werent. Im just trying to explain to people it helps if you see the big picture and it helps to move on , not spreading hatered around.
AuthenticBliss Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Thank you for answering. Could I bother you to respond to my question? What steps are you taking so that you are no longer vulnerable to the advances of unavailable men? Do you plan to have affairs with other MM if they say the right things when you are feeling down? Thank you.
Author Gissie Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 Thank you for answering. Could I bother you to respond to my question? What steps are you taking so that you are no longer vulnerable to the advances of unavailable men? Do you plan to have affairs with other MM if they say the right things when you are feeling down? Thank you.[/quote Im not sure I follow. Didnt this answer your question: I understand its just not right thing to do, it doesnt get me anywhere. I didnt really understand what I was getting myself into and as a learning I will not do it again. Specific steps..Well not sure what more steps is needed. I think this experience itself was enough of a step and Ive grown stronger from it. and wiser. if you have some steps you like to recommend Im happy to take the advice.
2sunny Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Thank you for answering. Could I bother you to respond to my question? What steps are you taking so that you are no longer vulnerable to the advances of unavailable men? Do you plan to have affairs with other MM if they say the right things when you are feeling down? Thank you.[/quote Im not sure I follow. Didnt this answer your question: I understand its just not right thing to do, it doesnt get me anywhere. I didnt really understand what I was getting myself into and as a learning I will not do it again. Specific steps..Well not sure what more steps is needed. I think this experience itself was enough of a step and Ive grown stronger from it. and wiser. if you have some steps you like to recommend Im happy to take the advice. i appreciate your willingness to open your mind! for some reason i kinda want to hug you. here's the thing... once i understand how i participate in anything - then i have the ability to asses things and how they affect me and others. once i assess, by being completely honest... i assess whether I may have caused harm to myself or anyone else. my goal is to help others - not to cause harm in the world. are ya following me at all here? soooo, knowing IF i have caused any harm... i can change that. i can set things right.... THAT is within my control (how I participate). so - IF i participate by helping - and not causing harm... i realized that participating with a MM on ANY intimacy level isn't fair to his wife... unless his wife knew exactly what we were saying/doing. that's showing respect and kindness for their M. i have MANY male friends - but i don't participate on a level that causes any suspicion to a spouse. i am their FRIEND - not their LOVER. soooo, I don't participate with MM IF they seem to have an agenda that is designed to keep things secret from their W. if you can decide on a clear boundary for YOURSELF that is designed to keep YOU happy, healthy and safe - then that would benefit you and ANY man. that is what i wish for you... hugs. going back and participating AGAIN with a known cheater would never be a healthy or happy choice for me. i hope it isn't a choice for you either. i ALWAYS have a choice in how I participate! always.
Author Gissie Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 i appreciate your willingness to open your mind! for some reason i kinda want to hug you. here's the thing... once i understand how i participate in anything - then i have the ability to asses things and how they affect me and others. once i assess, by being completely honest... i assess whether I may have caused harm to myself or anyone else. my goal is to help others - not to cause harm in the world. are ya following me at all here? soooo, knowing IF i have caused any harm... i can change that. i can set things right.... THAT is within my control (how I participate). so - IF i participate by helping - and not causing harm... i realized that participating with a MM on ANY intimacy level isn't fair to his wife... unless his wife knew exactly what we were saying/doing. that's showing respect and kindness for their M. i have MANY male friends - but i don't participate on a level that causes any suspicion to a spouse. i am their FRIEND - not their LOVER. soooo, I don't participate with MM IF they seem to have an agenda that is designed to keep things secret from their W. if you can decide on a clear boundary for YOURSELF that is designed to keep YOU happy, healthy and safe - then that would benefit you and ANY man. that is what i wish for you... hugs. going back and participating AGAIN with a known cheater would never be a healthy or happy choice for me. i hope it isn't a choice for you either. i ALWAYS have a choice in how I participate! always. Yes I understand and you are right. First and foremost not right for myself. I do have a choice not to participate and thats my choice now and going onwards. But the truth is, no other person can ruin any marriages. If MM wants out or to cheat- Its HIS decision and he will find a woman who is willing if he wants to. So I dont agree its OW job to think about W wellbeing. Its H job. However, OW just hurts herself being involved with a cheater who isnt willing to divorce. Sometimes they are always the cheater, sometimes they are not. Cant say. But its not WORTH seeing someone who just wants best of both worlds. Total waste of time.
Lostinlife4now Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Bravo Gissie! Very mature thinking. Thanks for posting!
2sunny Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Yes I understand and you are right. First and foremost not right for myself. I do have a choice not to participate and thats my choice now and going onwards. But the truth is, no other person can ruin any marriages. If MM wants out or to cheat- Its HIS decision and he will find a woman who is willing if he wants to. So I dont agree its OW job to think about W wellbeing. Its H job. However, OW just hurts herself being involved with a cheater who isnt willing to divorce. Sometimes they are always the cheater, sometimes they are not. Cant say. But its not WORTH seeing someone who just wants best of both worlds. Total waste of time. interesting that you write from an OUTSIDE perspective. one way of owning the way I participate is writing from a personal perspective... so this would essentially read more appropriately- lets do a test run here... by owning MY behavior (if i were to ever be the OW) But the truth is, no other person can ruin any marriages. people ruin marriages all the time... look around. it's everywhere. I have the ability to ruin any marriage IF i choose to. I can place enormous time, energy and effort on MM, have great and passionate sex with him - all that makes him feel special and loved - feeding his ego and stealing him from his wife - only to understand that i am creating the illusion of having a man - because - in the end - his W still has him. so i AM lying to myself. I NEED TO STOP THE LIES TO SELF. do not participate with men who are taken. no matter how much they want me - i don't DO anything with MM who intend to cheat. i am friends with healthy MM - but not to the point where i am participating on any inappropriate level. If MM wants out or to cheat- Its HIS decision and he will find a woman who is willing if he wants to. IF i am vulnerable and weak - any MM would find me attractive - because this is the type of woman they seek - a willing participant. one who NEEDS false attention enough to settle for it as though it's real. it's not real - they are MARRIED. I deserve more than settling for a taken man. So I dont agree its OW job to think about W wellbeing. Its H job. it's not my job to worry about what everyone else is doing or feeling. that is up to THEM. I HAVE CHOICES FOR ME. i choose not to participate with a taken man. IF they tell me they are single - and i find out otherwise - i immediately stop seeing them... no matter what! yep, there are MANY ways to find out. be a good listener. that's a good start. little things - when a man says "we" - there is reason to ask who "we" refers to... However, OW just hurts herself being involved with a cheater who isnt willing to divorce. when I make choices that are out of alignment with my moral compass - my choices cause harm to self and others. stay balanced and aware of how i am participating. Sometimes they are always the cheater, sometimes they are not. Cant say. But its not WORTH seeing someone who just wants best of both worlds. there are always going to be people who are willing to cheat - but that is not the kind of partner i'm willing to short change myself with. i choose how i participate. i'm looking out for MY best interest when i make choices. that affects others... MM are no longer attracted to my healthy self. i know i can't change others - but when they are willing to tell little lies - that means bigger lies are there... and a good way to understand he's a liar... not my choice to be with a man like that. do you see how different it looks when I PERSONALIZE a situation as it involves ME? i owned it as if it were mine... then gave you what it looks like from my perspective and experience. what do you think?
Author Gissie Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 interesting that you write from an OUTSIDE perspective. one way of owning the way I participate is writing from a personal perspective... so this would essentially read more appropriately- lets do a test run here... by owning MY behavior (if i were to ever be the OW) people ruin marriages all the time... look around. it's everywhere. I have the ability to ruin any marriage IF i choose to. I can place enormous time, energy and effort on MM, have great and passionate sex with him - all that makes him feel special and loved - feeding his ego and stealing him from his wife - only to understand that i am creating the illusion of having a man - because - in the end - his W still has him. so i AM lying to myself. I NEED TO STOP THE LIES TO SELF. do not participate with men who are taken. no matter how much they want me - i don't DO anything with MM who intend to cheat. i am friends with healthy MM - but not to the point where i am participating on any inappropriate level. IF i am vulnerable and weak - any MM would find me attractive - because this is the type of woman they seek - a willing participant. one who NEEDS false attention enough to settle for it as though it's real. it's not real - they are MARRIED. I deserve more than settling for a taken man. it's not my job to worry about what everyone else is doing or feeling. that is up to THEM. I HAVE CHOICES FOR ME. i choose not to participate with a taken man. IF they tell me they are single - and i find out otherwise - i immediately stop seeing them... no matter what! yep, there are MANY ways to find out. be a good listener. that's a good start. little things - when a man says "we" - there is reason to ask who "we" refers to... when I make choices that are out of alignment with my moral compass - my choices cause harm to self and others. stay balanced and aware of how i am participating. there are always going to be people who are willing to cheat - but that is not the kind of partner i'm willing to short change myself with. i choose how i participate. i'm looking out for MY best interest when i make choices. that affects others... MM are no longer attracted to my healthy self. i know i can't change others - but when they are willing to tell little lies - that means bigger lies are there... and a good way to understand he's a liar... not my choice to be with a man like that. do you see how different it looks when I PERSONALIZE a situation as it involves ME? i owned it as if it were mine... then gave you what it looks like from my perspective and experience. what do you think? I can only say: MM who wants end his marriage he will. If he doesnt want to end his marriage, he wont. Its simple as that. The reason for it ending ALWAYS lie somewhere else than any person included outside the M if you really think about it. The OW is just outcome not a reason. It all has to do with HIM and what he wants out of life. In addition, no OW can make MM to leave his marriage no matter how good sex, attention, whatever if he doesnt want to. Im sorry but that is my honest opinion and my truth.
2sunny Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I can only say: MM who wants end his marriage he will. If he doesnt want to end his marriage, he wont. Its simple as that. The reason for it ending ALWAYS lie somewhere else than any person included outside the M if you really think about it. The OW is just outcome not a reason. It all has to do with HIM and what he wants out of life. In addition, no OW can make MM to leave his marriage no matter how good sex, attention, whatever if he doesnt want to. Im sorry but that is my honest opinion and my truth. can you write this in reference to OW being YOU? only using the words i or me... it may be useful for you to see it from your personal perspective using those specific words.
Author Gissie Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 can you write this in reference to OW being YOU? only using the words i or me... it may be useful for you to see it from your personal perspective using those specific words. Not seeing the point. I am speaking in general because I think applies in general.
2sunny Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Not seeing the point. I am speaking in general because I think applies in general. it's more useful if you have it apply to YOU. doesn't apply in general - not EVERYONE cheats. it applies to the person who OWNS their OWN behavior. what behavior do YOU own? how did YOU participate? what are you going to change to be sure this doesn't happen to YOU again?
turnstone Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Gissie and 2sunny, I see both your points of view and its a great discussion, its given me a lot of food for thought. Just one thing about who decides to end the marriage, sometimes its not up to the MM or the OW to bring the marriage to an end; come DDay sometimes the the person who makes the decision is the wife. Just saying.........
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