giuliano-3 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Not sure how it will go. Not sure what she really wants, or if her new relationship blew up so now she needs to be consoled. I don't care. I love her and she gave much to me while together, that is enough for me to ignore the pleas of everyone on here and go ahead with it. I might be back on here feeling low, weak and angry at myself. NC just isn't working for me, and I know I never gave it a fair chance. I just can't imagine a world where there is no possibility of us talking again. She reached out in a genuine way, I feel I owe it to her and myself to give friendship a shot. We had our issues while together, but overall way more positive came from it than anything else. I miss her voice. I'm calling right now...
TearyEyedPride Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Your mind is made up... so there's no point in trying to convince you otherwise. Just be careful ok? Remember to be respectful, and don't invest your hope of getting back together in the convo. If you generally care for her as a friend, be just that.
Author giuliano-3 Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dddAi8FF3F4 Hah! Being an absolute Star Wars nerd I found this way too funny. That very face was telling me those exact words a few times today. It probably is a trap. I think she's broken up with her new guy (just a hunch, and with her hunches have come true 99% of the time) and needs a comfortable shoulder to lean on. I don't mind that. She's suffered enough over what she did to me, I won't be led into a trap again (says the guy whose been led into two traps by her already post break-up). Thanks though, I needed that laugh. She didn't answer, I left an upbeat message and will try again later tonight. She was more than probably drunk last night when she called, her voice was very nervous on the message she left. But very sweet, and very heartfelt. I know she misses me, if for nothing else, for our conversations and my ability to give her good advice. If that's all there is to this I'm fine with that for now. Akbar be damned!
Author giuliano-3 Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 Your mind is made up... so there's no point in trying to convince you otherwise. Just be careful ok? Remember to be respectful, and don't invest your hope of getting back together in the convo. If you generally care for her as a friend, be just that. Thanks, I will be respectful. For some reason I never aired all my grievances on her in past convos (when it would have been appropriate) because I was afraid it would end all communication. She knows, though. And there is no reason to get into it all again. Positivity, moving forward. Thats what this is all about. I have no doubts about the type of person she is deep down, she is top notch quality all the way. A genuine and unique girl with a heart of gold. I do care for her as a friend, and would hate it if anything ill were to befall her. Wish us luck!
Shadowburn Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Don't worry, you won't hear from her again until she'll get drunk again. She probably is kicking herself now for calling you in a moment when her judgment was clouded. Just read what you wrote here - "She's suffered enough over what she did to me". You really need to start working on your self-esteem, mate. Sorry, but your situation is not special, there were so many posts about the same thing. You'll be back again licking your wounds and saying that everyone else was right. And guess why? Because all of those ppl speak from the experience. Yes, they've done every stupid thing in the book and they warn you now not to go there because it never worked. The simplest way to come to terms with a break up is to realize that you can never lose someone who really truly loves you. You simply can't. They'll weather any storm with you, they'll stay no matter what even when you're the one pushing them away - they stay because they believe in you. That what love is. Forget her.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 The simplest way to come to terms with a break up is to realize that you can never lose someone who really truly loves you. You simply can't. They'll weather any storm with you, they'll stay no matter what even when you're the one pushing them away - they stay because they believe in you. That what love is. Forget her. I love your definition of love.
Author giuliano-3 Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 (edited) Don't worry, you won't hear from her again until she'll get drunk again. She probably is kicking herself now for calling you in a moment when her judgment was clouded. Probably right about the kicking herself part. She has also probably been drunk at least 100 nights in the past 6 months, though. I doubt simply being drunk was the primary purpose. Just read what you wrote here - "She's suffered enough over what she did to me". You really need to start working on your self-esteem, mate. Sorry, but your situation is not special, there were so many posts about the same thing. You'll be back again licking your wounds and saying that everyone else was right. What she did was both cruel and unusual - where I come from people are expected to at least care about the consequences created by their actions. So not sure how that quote is tied to my self-esteem, although I agree my self-esteem is questionable right now. I know my situation is not special, I've read many things on LS which have both informed and changed my outlook for the better. I'm back but not licking any wounds for none were created tonight, I fully expected what happened. The simplest way to come to terms with a break up is to realize that you can never lose someone who really truly loves you. You simply can't. They'll weather any storm with you, they'll stay no matter what even when you're the one pushing them away - they stay because they believe in you. To say she never loved me is simply unconscionable. I've heard the same from others, and I don't disparage you for saying it. We weathered many storms, though. Those who knew us were more than surprised at what happened, shocking would be a better word for the whole debacle. Love was never an issue. She disappeared into thin air - seduced by a world of celebrity, drugs and wondrous bright parties in foreign countries. I do not hold that against her. She will never stop believing in me. Most people (that I know of) don't. That what love is. Forget her. I will never, ever forget the times with her. Some of those memories run so deep that it cannot happen. I will hold on to the good and learn from the bad. If the right one comes along I won't look back and wish I had [], because I don't. All things considered I can do a heck of a lot better, and should. But I will always hold on to some hope that maybe one day we can have a friendship. And I mean that earnestly. This isn't even sexual anymore, although intimate. I cherish her taste in film, music and literature amongst other things. I value her companionship, the same way I do my oldest friends. Earlier today I wrote on another board that I saw us "growing old together." And I do. The same way as with friends/family. People like her come along once in a lifetime, but I don't see her face when I close my eyes at night anymore. I won't be calling back again. Sorry if this sounds snarfy, Shadowburn, I really do appreciate you taking the time to read and give a response. Maybe I'm wrong about everything. Who the f knows. Edited June 8, 2011 by giuliano-3
Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I have been reading your posts for a while now.. Even though I realize everyone here is trying to be helpful in there own way. I thought I would put in my 2 cents which is a bit of a diffrent view. You seem like a wise person.. I am sure you know and can weigh in and out the risks versus "glory".. If you really still love her then great!! I really hope you don't end up getting hurt again. If this person is the one for you I wish you nothing but the best and always love to see people reunite. If not then good for you for what seems to me to be true love for her and forgiveness for the past issues.. I don't see anything wrong with what your doing, if you know your strong enough to handle it and its what you want. THEN GO FOR IT!! GOOD LUCK!
Author giuliano-3 Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 I have been reading your posts for a while now.. Even though I realize everyone here is trying to be helpful in there own way. I thought I would put in my 2 cents which is a bit of a diffrent view. You seem like a wise person.. I am sure you know and can weigh in and out the risks versus "glory".. If you really still love her then great!! I really hope you don't end up getting hurt again. If this person is the one for you I wish you nothing but the best and always love to see people reunite. If not then good for you for what seems to me to be true love for her and forgiveness for the past issues.. I don't see anything wrong with what your doing, if you know your strong enough to handle it and its what you want. THEN GO FOR IT!! GOOD LUCK! Thank you so much! I've written and erased about 5 posts today in which I feel I'm defending myself against an onslaught of negativity. Am I egotistical? Maybe, probably. Definitely. How can anyone tell me with 100 percent certitude that my ex never loved me, though? Cookie cutter policies aren't for me. I've always been a devil's advocate. Its just who I am, I can understand that without hearing my words or seeing my face one could take me as an egotistical jerkbag whose ex was probably better off for disappearing to another country.
Nohbody Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Increasingly, it appears that love is not enough for some people.
Exit Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 (edited) Do what feels right. The forums are here for advice but none of it is law. I am not a big believer in NC either unless you are dealing with the most soulless person in the world with which there is no hope. If someone is screwing with you, saying things to purposely hurt you, agreeing to meet up to talk and then blowing you off, never answering your calls or text, yes, accept the reality of how this person is treating you and go NC. I've maintained LC with my ex for over two months now. Is she back yet? No. Do I like this more than never seeing her and never talking to her? Sure. Maybe I'm even getting comfortable with just being friends. Being pushy/dramatic/desperate is one thing, the people who post here and say they texted their ex 100 times or whatever, yeah... that doesn't make things better and NC is probably the best for those people. I feel okay talking to my ex. I'm out of my totally depressed stage. I've been seeing friends, working out, and watching what I eat. I'm even on a dating website seeing if there is anyone to chat with or hang out with during the summer. Most of the time I look around and realize none of these other girls interest me, but at least I'm out there looking. In the meantime I might as well see if my ex comes back around. I saw my ex today and got to tell her that I hit a milestone with my weightloss and she was happy for me. And I told her if I can change my addiction to food that I have battled with for so long, I can improve other things as well. Do what you need to do. Everyone here just has the best intentions for you by suggesting NC, but frankly nobody else has to live with the consequences if a year/years down the road you looked back and regretted not trying to talk to her. Yes there is a high failure rate for what you're about to attempt. No question about it. But if you'll feel happier being disappointed or let down again, instead of NC and letting it all remain a mystery, then go for it. NC is there for those who need and it then there are some who don't. Every situation and every human being is different. The entire idea of coming online for advice is kinda funny, even though we are all here and we all take part in it. Just don't make us all look bad. Don't be back here in a few days crushed and destroyed and saying there is no point to life. Give it a shot if that's what you want to do, and if nothing good comes of it, just be proud of yourself for giving it a chance and accept the outcome. Edited June 8, 2011 by Exit
flitzanu Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 i don't agree with your actions man, but i feel you. i had the same notion that i NEEDED to speak to my ex, and i did it often. however, it only drug me further and i never gained from it. none of us can tell you the outcome or how to feel, so you gotta do what you gotta do brother. all the best.
Author giuliano-3 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Wow, thank you to everyone. I think I was using these forums more as a band-aid for the hurt than as a place to listen. True love is what all this comes down to, my egotistical need to know that I wasn't fooled in the first place. That all we invested together wasn't merely my enabling a place of comfort for her. That the heart of it was something organic/pure. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe my gut, which screamed "run" at me the second time I saw her, was right all along. My dreams saw it. I always knew how it would end. So, friends? Phone convos were really never that great anyways. To go back to where I was last Sept-Jan with phone stuff is meaningless. I'll take the fact that 2 calls each way (neither answered) the past 48 hours between us means we both know this. Going down that old road again only serves to feed my obsession of "if it was true love or not." Stroke the "am I a good guy?" chain a bit. That game is boring. I know what I know. I am what I yam. This clip shows where I'm at (start at 1:00 to make it not seem too akward) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaRFDFvGjtY With my luck I'll probably run into her at Bell's Beach
Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I don't think your egotisticle at all... I'm definetly not going to say she didn't truly love you. Its just so happens love is not enough for alot of people these days. They take it for granted, think somthing or somone might be a better option out there and they go for it.. Its sad the way people treat love as if it will always be right around the corner. I think you have to do whats wrong somtimes. You have to follow your heart and take risks to be happy. Thats just how life works. When we get into a relationship we are very well taking a huge risk of getting hurt, knowing that alot of things don't last forever but if we don't where does that leave us? You just need to decide which risks are the best to take and no one can tell you what those are for you because they aren't you. Everything about them is diffrent their relationships their emotions and mind sets.. We all make the dumbest mistakes and its somthing to learn from. Somtimes good things come from our mistakes. Its just how life works. Whats meant to be will come to pass, regardless of the mistakes we make.
flitzanu Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 nice. jdw gets it. i like that. love is a risk, and some people are just pussies.
Author giuliano-3 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 jdw I think your name is a bit misleading She called me 3 times last night. I go to bed a bit earlier these days so I was sound asleep for the first two. Somehow the third call (my phone was on vibrate) got me up and I picked up. That's a lie. I saw the first two as well but decided not to pick up. The thought "why is she trying to call me so late, maybe she's in trouble" crossed my mind and so I gave in and picked up the third. Very short convo. I must have seemed very detached. At this point I'm thinking its only fair to be very upfront with her about NC being what I want. I guess my letter (last month) wasn't enough to the point. I ended it by saying (paraphrasing) "our paths have forked and I wish you well until we meet again someday." I think I need to be more upfront and just say "not sure if we will ever meet again, until then its best for us to not talk/write with each other." I thought maybe she had something specific to say to me since she hadn't called in 6 months (since leaving on an extended trip with her new, maybe new ex at this point, bf). My heart didn't race when the phone rang. I wasn't nervous at all when I picked up the phone. It was like an estranged family member was calling or something like that. I do know I don't want to talk with her late night after she's had a few drinks anymore. We did that for 4 months last year. Didn't really serve any purpose except make me more obsessed about why/how she could leave me the way she did. I should have listened to her mom when she told me (a year ago) "[], this isn't about you, its about her. She's done this before, you're a good man and didn't deserve it. She's sick. She needs help." I wanted, for some ungodly reason, to make it all about me instead. To heap the guilt and shame on myself, while worrying about what she was going to do to herself. Can't help that I still have feelings for her. I truly do wish her the best, and will always be rooting for her to thrive and succeed in this life. I want to help her, but I don't think late night phone convos are really going to do either of us any good in the long run.
Nohbody Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I hope that you find what you need from all of this - your situation sounds all too familiar to me (though it only happened a month and a half ago on my end). Wish you only the best, see you in a month or so maybe!
Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 It sounds like at the moment she is dealing with her own demons and she knows you love her so she knows your going to be there for her.. Not to say she dosen't have feelings for you anymore but its obvious she dosen't want to reconcile. I know you love her and want to be there for her. But you know that in the end what your really hoping for is a second chance. Until you decide to make yourself number one and do whats best for you, I am afraid you will continue to be stuck and going in reverse. All I do know for sure is you will definetly get to the point of being completley fed up with this vicous cycle and when you are and are finally able to do what I think you know you have to do. Thats when your true healing from this will progress... Even her mother told you your a great man.. SO HEAL AND GO GET THAT WOMEN OUT THERE THAT DESERVES YOU!!!
Author giuliano-3 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 I hope that you find what you need from all of this - your situation sounds all too familiar to me (though it only happened a month and a half ago on my end). Wish you only the best, see you in a month or so maybe! No(h)body knows the trouble I've seen. Seriously though, enjoy your time. Its something I always wished I'd done, and to do it there should be magical. I won't soon forget my drive through Utah as a kid seeing Bryce and Kings Canyons. Best of luck, you should come back a new man. No cell phones, TV, internet...sounds great.
Author giuliano-3 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 It sounds like at the moment she is dealing with her own demons and she knows you love her so she knows your going to be there for her.. Not to say she dosen't have feelings for you anymore but its obvious she dosen't want to reconcile. I know you love her and want to be there for her. But you know that in the end what your really hoping for is a second chance. Until you decide to make yourself number one and do whats best for you, I am afraid you will continue to be stuck and going in reverse. All I do know for sure is you will definetly get to the point of being completley fed up with this vicous cycle and when you are and are finally able to do what I think you know you have to do. Thats when your true healing from this will progress... Even her mother told you your a great man.. SO HEAL AND GO GET THAT WOMEN OUT THERE THAT DESERVES YOU!!! As many have said before, no matter what we were going through or whatever situations came up if she loved me with all her heart she would have never done what she did. And I'm comfortable with the fact that I did what I did over the past year to try and make up a fantasy in my mind where one day she'd come running back to me and tell me she wanted to be with me forever. You know, like some silly romantic comedy A question I have for the ladies is - what would make it obvious that she wanted to reconcile? Not as lovers, but human beings? I know friends probably isn't in the cards for us but I would like to walk away knowing she knows I hold no ill will towards her. I've said it over and over so maybe she does know. I think just going cold and not answering her calls at this point would be cruel. I should lay it out in clear language for her to understand why I/we need to be NC. Then do it, and stick to it. Let the chips fall where they may...
Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Well I would like to beleive true love is someone that will love you and help you go through anything and everything. The good versus's the bad always staying by your side. I would still like to think that someone like that does exsist for me. As for your question. Put it like you just put it to us." I am not trying to be cruel I do forgive you but I need to move on and the best way for me to do that is not to talk to you for a while. I really do care for you and wish you nothing but the best. Maybe someday in the future we can be friends again. Take care
Author giuliano-3 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 Well, it feels like I'm finally out of the woods. Don't want to be cocky, don't want to jinx it. I know feelings could creep up later, but right now the memories I have aren't sad or causing me pain. I can honestly look back with no regrets and say we both made mistakes, we had a great time while together, I wouldn't take it back for anything. I haven't thought about her sexually in awhile. I haven't dreamt about her in weeks. I know this could change, all I have to do is reread what I've written here the past 6 weeks The reason I know something's different is that during the contact we've had the past week I haven't felt nervous once. Haven't felt my heart pounding when she calls. Haven't been checking my phone incessantly. Haven't even gone on FB more than once or twice for a minute. At this point I hope that whatever place she's in mentally, she's able to pull through it. She's got plenty of issues, but I'm not her salvation. She is. I feel very silly about some things I've written in this forum, thank you to everyone who has shown me the err of my ways. I understand many of you will be rolling your eyes if you read this. I have said similar things before. An extended period of NC might do us both wonders. I know we care about each other and wish for the other to move on and be happy. Hopefully we will. Cheers !!!
EgoJoe Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 People make mistakes and have to learn their lesson. You need to straight tell her. "I will call you if and when I want to talk. I will not be your friend. I refuse to be your ego's airbag pump. I am better than that. I know someday you will see the error of your ways. I am worthy of love and you are providing only pain."
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