christinak Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 OK, so I'll try to write in short a long story. My boyfriend of 3 years is getting distant from me. We were living in different cities for the first 2 years of our relationship, and finally, last year I managed to find a job in my home town (where he is living also). We don't live together, but he has his own house so I can spend many nights there. Because of his job, he can only sleep at his home every second day, and the other days he sleeps in the company where he works. I go to his place and we spend the night together every night that he doesn't work. The truth is, we were friends before we were a couple, and so we have many common friends. Unfortunately, of all our friends, only the male ones live in our town, and they are all single. So we used to go out every other night, me, him, and our friends (who are my friends too, but as I said before they are all male and single). Last month he started complaining that he needs more time on his own, and to go out with our friends every once in a while alone. That's totally respectable, and I agreed, though I continued to sleep at his house normally, I just didn't go out with him. Never complained about the time he came back or anything, because I was usually already asleep. I also want to note that I work until late at night, so I only get to see him for a couple of hours the days that I see him, and we usually are with our friends, we're rarely on our own. So last week, he went out and told me to go at his house after work and wait for him, and he came back 3 hours late and was angry when I asked him why he was late. The next day, I wanted to arrange something on our own, but he already had plans, and since I was angry from the previous day, we had a fight. We haven't broken up, but he is growing distant, I feel it. He doesn't hold my hand, rarely kisses me, doesn't talk to me when we are out with other people, and he approaches me only to have sex. I can feel that he wants me, but I don't feel that he loves me any more. And when I asked him if he loves me he said "I think so"... But in the past he was very expressive, and always told me he loves me. Any advice please welcome, I don't want to lose him, because I believe he's a really good guy, he's not a jerk, and I'm still so much in love with him.
Nohbody Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Be honest about how you feel and consider couples counseling? If he's working himself up to dump you there is very little you can do about, I'm sorry to say.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 As scary as it may be for you right now... I think giving your boyfriend some space might be pretty good right now, because it seems like he is growing in a negative direction. He might be feeling a little cramped, like he's missing out on something, or like the relationship may have fallen into something routine which he's conflicted about and that's generally not a good sign. I'd say just go off and have some "you" time for a few days. Not anything provoking but just have a few movie nights, mani/pedis, or go visit girlfriends for a few nights instead of being at his place. Honestly he's displaying behavior that doesn't warrant MORE ATTENTION, or PANIC, he's not being affectionate, talking or appreciating you. Give him less attention and focus on you a bit more, and see what happens.
Author christinak Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 Thank you all for your replies! What I forgot to clarify is that he's very affectionate when we are on our own (we sleep all night in one another's hug etc), he is just not affectionate in front of his friends, but in the past he had no problem with that. Maybe he is just embarrassed because since I came here, every time we went out I was with him? But the problem is that we are not often on our own, only when we sleep... One time we talked more thoroughly and he told me that he's messed up, because he wants to be with me, and he wants to be with his friends too, and he's messing everything up...
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