AudiHax Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 It's been quite a few years now since we started the LDR...and every day I'm feeling more and more lonely. The thing is, we're both still quite young and attending college so it's not easy for us to move to be with each other yet. But it's been almost a year since we've seen each other and I really want to go and visit him in August for 2-3 weeks. I would give anything to see him again and just spend some time with him, but the thing that's holding me back is my parents... Yeah...I'm 24 and living at home, but my parents never talk about my LDR or my boyfriend. They never mention him to me and I think it's because deep down they wish I wasn't in this type of relationship. I guess they're hoping that I'm still not talking to him, so that's why they don't bring him up in conversation. So basically, I'm nervous of telling them that I would like to go on vacation this summer to visit him. I'm worried of what they'll be thinking, finding out that I'm actually still talking to him and having this LDR...I don't want to hurt them, but I really need to tell them before booking my flight. Any suggestions on how I could bring it up, without directly springing it on them? Please...flights are booking up quickly.
HeavenOrHell Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Quite frankly it's none of their business, unless he was mistreating you and they were concerned for you. If this r/ship is serious for you then they shouldn't act as if he doesn't exist, this is disrespectful to you. You're 24, you don't need their permission When it gets nearer the time just tell them you're going to see him, no need to beat around the bush or sound apologetic. Why do you need to tell them before booking your flight? You're an adult, not a child It's been quite a few years now since we started the LDR...and every day I'm feeling more and more lonely. The thing is, we're both still quite young and attending college so it's not easy for us to move to be with each other yet. But it's been almost a year since we've seen each other and I really want to go and visit him in August for 2-3 weeks. I would give anything to see him again and just spend some time with him, but the thing that's holding me back is my parents... Yeah...I'm 24 and living at home, but my parents never talk about my LDR or my boyfriend. They never mention him to me and I think it's because deep down they wish I wasn't in this type of relationship. I guess they're hoping that I'm still not talking to him, so that's why they don't bring him up in conversation. So basically, I'm nervous of telling them that I would like to go on vacation this summer to visit him. I'm worried of what they'll be thinking, finding out that I'm actually still talking to him and having this LDR...I don't want to hurt them, but I really need to tell them before booking my flight. Any suggestions on how I could bring it up, without directly springing it on them? Please...flights are booking up quickly.
Rollercoasterr Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 You've been having this same exact problem since you joined LS. Honestly, and I'm sorry if you think I'm harsh or rude, but you need to grow up a little and realize that you're 24 years old and that you don't *need* their approval for anything unless they are providing your support and you intend to ask them for the money to visit him. You are an ADULT. Repeat that to yourself. ADULT. If you want to be with this man then you need to do it. You need to stop waiting for mommy and daddy to approve of your relationship and do what makes you happy. You keep wavering in your threads. One thread you say that if you can find the way to get to the US to work and live they'd support you if it made you happy and then in later ones you've said that they disapprove--which is it? If they'd be happy for you and support you in your move then do that, find that work/school/spousal visa that you need and come to the US to be with him. If they disapprove of your relationship then you need to sit down and discuss this with them like rational adults do. Tell them that you love him and want to be with him and that you would love to have their blessing to pursue what makes you happy but that since you're an adult you don't actually need it. But honestly, if you've been trying to have this same exact conversation with your parents for over a year then any kind of advice we have or will give you is moot. You have to decide for yourself if this relationship is worth telling your parents once and for all that he's your love. We can give you all the advice, tough love, and support in the world but until you realize that your life is YOURS to live and not theirs, you're not going to tell them. How is he reacting to all of this? Do his parents know about you and how serious your relationship is?
Author AudiHax Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 I'm well aware I'm an adult, but what my parent's think means a lot to me too. I don't want them to be upset about the choices I make. I met my LDR boyfriend when I was 19...Before that, I've never really had any relationships where I would bring the guy home for my parents to meet. So they are not used to me dating or seeing me with a guy. That's why I'm nervous on how to approach the situation with them. I don't want them thinking bad things of me, fearing what direction I'm going in and wondering if I know what I'm doing. Even though I have plans of my own to be with him, I just feel they won't understand how I can make them possible when they haven't been through what I have. I'm just worried that they won't fully understand me and then I'm left to deal with it by myself, with unhappy parents... It's different for my boyfriend. He doesn't care what his parents think and can talk to them about me easily. For me, I care a lot about what my parents think of me, and I guess that's my main problem...I don't want to disappoint them...
TokyoG33kyGal Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 well girl, there's no easy solution but telling your parents. either you forget about their hypothetical reactions in your head and tell them about your boyfriend or keep stalling until all flights are booked.
Vogeoxype Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 ðåáÿòà êòî ñëûøåë ÷¸ çíà÷èò óñëîâíîå îáîçíà÷åíèå "pel"? ýòî äîãàäûâàþñü, êàêîé-òî ïàðàìåòð óêàçûâàþùèé êðåïîñòü ê èçíîñó ïëèòêè, âîçìîæíî êòî âèäåë â íåòå ãäå ïðèñóòñòâóåò ðàçøèôðîâêà äàííîé øòóêè? âñþäó â íåòå ïèøóò òî ÷òî ëó÷øå áû ïðè âûáîðå íàäî ó÷åñòü ýòîò âàæíûé pel, à ÷åãî îí îçíà÷àåò íè êòî íå ïèøåò! êàãäàòî ècêàë ýòó òàáëèöó! â îáùåì-òî ýòî íå òðóäíî ïîÿñíèòü ñëîâåñíî ìîãó. óñëîâíûå öûôðû îò ïÿòè äî îäíîãî ãäå òâåðäîñòü êåðàìè÷åñêîé ïëèòêè ïî âîçðîñòàíèþ óâåëè÷èâàåòñÿ. ó ìåíÿ áûë êàòàëîã áðàë åãî îòñþäà èíòåðíåò ìàãàçèí êåðàìà ìàðàööè êà÷àé â ýëåêòðîííîì âèäå â êîíöå æóðíàëà åñòü óñëîâíûå çíà÷åíèÿ â íèõ âñå è ðàñøèôðîâàíî!
hoping2heal Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 (edited) I'm well aware I'm an adult, but what my parent's think means a lot to me too. I don't want them to be upset about the choices I make. I met my LDR boyfriend when I was 19...Before that, I've never really had any relationships where I would bring the guy home for my parents to meet. So they are not used to me dating or seeing me with a guy. That's why I'm nervous on how to approach the situation with them. I don't want them thinking bad things of me, fearing what direction I'm going in and wondering if I know what I'm doing. Even though I have plans of my own to be with him, I just feel they won't understand how I can make them possible when they haven't been through what I have. I'm just worried that they won't fully understand me and then I'm left to deal with it by myself, with unhappy parents... It's different for my boyfriend. He doesn't care what his parents think and can talk to them about me easily. For me, I care a lot about what my parents think of me, and I guess that's my main problem...I don't want to disappoint them... You need to learn to start thinking for yourself, the sooner the better seeing as how you are 24 years old now. Your parents are human beings like the rest of us. They are capable of being wrong, making mistakes, advising us to do things that are not right for us. When we were kids and needed guidance that was one thing, when we are 24 years of age it is time to put on the big girl panties and learn to start making decisions for ourselves. Included in that, is the process of doing so. You need to be able to make good decisions for yourself based on facts, not how you feel about something. Certainly, not how your parents feel about something either. If being in a relationship dissapoints your parents, they are the one with the problem. Save for being in an abusive relationship. If you are happy with this guy and its a good relationship, it is not fair to neither you OR your partner to have your RS made vulnerable by the opinion of your parents. There are some pretty miserable people out there who are extremely unhappy because their relationship is dictated by family members and their approval. You may think your partner does not understand but realistically, he does not allow their opinion to dictate his life and he does not feel the need to be something fake in order to appease them, which you need to understand that is what you are doing. You have them believing something that is not real about you because you need their approval so badly. Not only is that unhealthy, but it is a major self esteem killer for YOU. Edited June 8, 2011 by hoping2heal
Citizen Erased Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 At the age of 24, you should be capable of going after what you what. Even if your parents disapproved, be enough of your own person to go anyway, if you allow your parents to chose your partners for you then you're not mature enough to be in a relationship, sorry.
coquii Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Hi AudiHax, I'm sorry you're going through this, but PLEASE follow your heart.. don't give up your opportunities to be with somebody you think you could possibly spend the rest of your life with because our next minute on earth is never guaranteed. I'm 23 and also live at home with my parents and I allowed them to tell me when I could and when I could not see my boyfriend. I passed up two opportunities to meet him (we met online) and it finally took him throwing his hands in the air for me to get the hint. Like hoping2heal said, I had to put my big girl panties on and say "HEY, this is my life and my boyfriend and I'm getting on a plane and going to see him. I work full time, I pay my bills and my rent and I am an adult capable of making my own decisions." I don't remember flying as a kid so it felt like my first time and had to check in, board, make my connections all by myself..in addition to meet somebody face to face that I had been communicating with online for over two years. I was scared to absolute death, but you know what? I grew up a lot that week and when I came home my parents still loved me. I think they were even a little proud that I actually followed through with it. So start living for you, you, you and when they see that you are happy with your decision to be with him I guarantee you they will be happy as well. Sometimes parents are afraid to push you out of the nest but you have to show them that your wings are perfectly capable of flying.
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