djaya4u Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 (edited) Hello - like many others I have read and read and read the post on here. So now I take the plunge and ask for your ideas and guidance with my situation. Married for 15 years. Got married young - I was 19, she was 18. 2 boys (15 yrs old and 8 yrs old). In 2003, I made the horrible choice of straying from my marriage. I had an emotional affair with an old friend from HS. My wife found out about this while she was pregnant with my second child. I immediately ended the relationship and asked my wife to forgive me, giving her all the details of why I committed this selfish act. She chose to forgive and we went on. From 2003 till the present I have had NO other indiscretions. Although we have had fights about other things between the and the ups and downs, we have had LOTS of great times. My wife even claims 7 good things to every bad thing. In 2007, things started to change on my wife's end. She began to start lying to me about little things, then about about BIG things. She began to go out more, and on several occasions I found her to be lying about where she was going and who she was going with, emailing guys about meeting for drinks, etc. But I never was able to pin her down and prove any cheating. We got on a good streak again, and in 2010 tried to have our 3rd child; but unfortunately this ended in a miscarriage. Then in June of 2010, the big changes. She detached, started lying again, (I went out of town to a baseball tournament with my kids and she was out all night on several occasions). She booked a trip with only the kids; not necessarily excluding me, but didn't outwardly invite me either. I chose to give her her space. It all went down hill quickly after that. In told me October of 2010, she she was going out on a Sunday (I work Sundays and my boys have to be tended to before school Monday). I told her that since I had to work, she should consider that the boys have school; this argument escalated. NO VIOLENCE (never has been) but there was a lot of yelling. Unfortunately my boys where home and they had to witness this. This argument was a bottling up effect of what I was going through at the time. The next day (MONDAY) she informed me she was done with the marriage and wanted a divorce. Since then, I have done everything instructed not to do; begging pleading, gifts, etc. In addition, I have been changing my life continually for the better. Nothing has changed her position - Mind you it is JUNE 2011! My oldest boy is taking it extra hard - depression, no ambition and failing grades his freshman year in HS. I managed to get her to attend marriage counseling, where all she did was reconfirm that she was emotionally done with the marriage. Nothing I said resonated with her, and when the therapist asked if she would consider working with him on a one and one basis - with out me there, she declined and that was that. Here is where I am today. I am depressed and trying to stay strong for my boys. I have redirected my of my energy to the kids - and that is making her upset? She is calling me "dad of the year" as I try and spend every last second with them. I have found her to be having at the VERY least an emotional affair with one of her clients though inappropriate texts and emails. She recently went to Vegas with her 22 year old single friend and partied it up till the wee hours of the morning posting her adventures on Facebook for all of our friends and family to see (I don't have a Facebook account so I received this information 3rd party). Now the nitty gritty. I am a stay at home dad since 2003. We agreed that I would work from home and tend the the kids while she built a business. I recently asked her why she doesn't file for divorce if that is what she seeks? She said she doesn't have the money to do it. She is forcing me to get a job - in which I have begun to try and do. But as soon as I do, she will then have the disposable money to file the papers. Now that she wants to be free, and her business is suffering she wants me to help with the finances. But if she is divorcing me, how do I handle this? Its like she won't file till I get a job? She wants keep the house and share custody of the kids - problem is I have no where to go right now. I hate to say this, but if she wants to leave, why should I have to be the one to sacrifice? Sorry if I am rambling; the stress is unbearable sometimes. Edited June 7, 2011 by djaya4u
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