conehead Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Basically, I don't know if this guy is just shy, or simply uninterested in me. We've been out on 2 dates. We haven't kissed on the lips nor held hands yet or held each other in general. The second date was on Sunday and I thought it went rather well until the end of the date I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek and he said 'okay, thank you' in a nonchalant way and just walked to his car. I was left thinking 'wth was that?' and felt rather embarrassed and thought maybe kissing him on the cheek was too forward on my part and he was taken aback by it or it made him feel uncomfortable. 2 hours after the date he texted me 'had a good time with you today. Do you like being held on a date? Didn't know whether ur fine with that.' Yesterday at 6pm I texted him that 'in regards to his question, that with him I think I'd like it .' He didn't respond to that. One thing I've been feeling really bad about is that while I gave him some chocolates on our first date (for his birthday), I never offered to pay on food or mini-golf. Granted, the mini golf and food weren't a lot of money, but I don't know what got into me it was like I was too shy to offer or something. I normally do offer to pay. Anyway, in trying to make up for it, about 2 hours ago this morning I texted him 'i checked out the speedzone website and it does look really fun like you've mentioned. They sell special tickets online only and I can get them both for us. Would you like to go with me this weekend? '. The tickets are $30 per person so I'm trying to make up for being such a dummy on the first 2 dates. It's been 2 hours and he hasn't responded yet . I'm normally really smooth on dates but with him I'm just all over the place for some reason. It's so weird. Do you think he'd appreciate my offer to get us tickets for speedzone? Or will I just come off as weird/desperate for not paying at all to suddenly offering to buy $30 tickets?
Author conehead Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 He still hasn't replied to my text . What have I got myself into? This is such a horrible feeling. I want to just give up.
thatone Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 he's might be just that shy. it sounds that way. if you're that attracted to him and want to continue dating i don't think you're out of line for inviting him to do things instead of waiting on him to invite you. you'll have to take the initiative until he opens up. it's just a matter of determining how long you're willing to wait.
Author conehead Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 Thats what I hope, that he is just shy. However, I can't seem to get over the fact that I never offerred to pay on dates 1 and 2 (he paid 3x...once for lunch on date 1, once for mini golf and last for dinner on date 2). Is that really awful of me? I honestly have no idea what got into me since I usually offer. Thats why i feel like im all over the place. Do you think i will be making up for it by offerring to buy us the tix for speedzone? Do you think he will be excited about it? Or just plain turned off that I'm asking him out AND offerring to pay. This is a really weird situation i got myself into. I have this feeling like maybe he has only lukewarm interest in me, and I'm here just ignorantly chasing him without realizing it like a huge idiot.
Thatguyintx Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I have this feeling like maybe he has only lukewarm interest in me, and I'm here just ignorantly chasing him without realizing it like a huge idiot. You just stated the worst case scenario with this statement. You are not an idiot for trying, though. That's leading with your heart. I admire you for doing so. I suspect the answer will be better than the worst case scenario!
thatone Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Thats what I hope, that he is just shy. However, I can't seem to get over the fact that I never offerred to pay on dates 1 and 2 (he paid 3x...once for lunch on date 1, once for mini golf and last for dinner on date 2). Is that really awful of me? I honestly have no idea what got into me since I usually offer. Thats why i feel like im all over the place. Do you think i will be making up for it by offerring to buy us the tix for speedzone? Do you think he will be excited about it? Or just plain turned off that I'm asking him out AND offerring to pay. This is a really weird situation i got myself into. I have this feeling like maybe he has only lukewarm interest in me, and I'm here just ignorantly chasing him without realizing it like a huge idiot. i highly doubt it has anything to do with money. your offering to pay and inviting him for the next date would be a positive sign to him in all likelihood. not specifically because of money, just because you initiated the contact with him. look on the bright side, you'll know soon enough one way or the other.
627 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 here is what you have to do: 1) relax, he's not the end of the world 2) you have not done anything wrong, in fact kissing him on the cheek was good, if anything he screwed up with responding this way 3) give him time to make the next move himself, stop trying so hard, if he does that is good, if he doesn't maybe you should find someone else? if he likes you he likes you, if he doesn't you just can't make him, and tryign too hard and being overly friendly have a way of backfiring. you seem to have done everything right I think you should now wait for him to do something also it would maybe help if you told us more details about the dates, he asked you out? and how? etc...
Star Gazer Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I don't think it has anything to do with money. I have this feeling like maybe he has only lukewarm interest in me, and I'm here just ignorantly chasing him without realizing it like a huge idiot. But I do think you're chasing someone who's showing you he's not as interested as you're making yourself out to be... but that could be because he's shy. Does he come across as shy otherwise, in your in-person interactions? Do you even really want to see him again? Or are you just feeling guilty and/or trying to figure him out?
Author conehead Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 Over 6 hours since i texted him and still no reply . I know he is at work right now so maybe he hasnt had the chance to text but still, I hate waiting Very possible that he is both shy AND uninterested lol. I don't remember the last time I asked a guy out....was probably like 5 years ago haha and here I am asking this guy out. I'm so out of my element with this one. Well to be honest, we met online 2 months ago and he asked if i wanted to meet up and i said yes and he asked if i wanted to do either speedzone or bowling....and well, things came up in my life so I never replied to it....not until a month later. So I guess that was my bad for having disappeared for a month. I tried to make it up by asking him out and bought him chocolates as a present for his bday on our first date. He asked me out for date 2 literally just 3 hours after date 1 ended. On date 2 he was really sweet since he knew I like desserts...he surprised me with 2 pastries he bought from a bakery prior to our date. I don't think its the money, but im afraid he might think im cheap or high maintenance for not having offerred to pay at all for dates 1 and 2. I don't feel good about that at all. So I'm hoping to treat him back with speedzone....but he might not be taking it too well either. Havent heard back still
Author conehead Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 Over 7 hours and no reply yet, think im sinking into a depression . I shouldn't have even replied to his cheesy text in the first place...should have ran when I had the chance.
Saxis Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Just sounds like you're putting WAY too much stake in him after only 2 dates. You really have nothing to lose at this point. Give it a couple days, see if he comes around and initiates contact again. If not, move on. You are WAY too invested for the short time you've known him.
thatone Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Over 7 hours and no reply yet, think im sinking into a depression . I shouldn't have even replied to his cheesy text in the first place...should have ran when I had the chance. why? if you never hear from him again how are you any better or worse off than you would've been if you had ignored him after your first date and never spoke to him again? you're no better or worse off than you were then. you haven't lost anything.
dangerstranger Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 You're taking this rejection way too personally. Going back over what ifs isn't going to change anything, and it's not helpful. Do something to keep yourself busy in the interim. Don't sit around waiting for a text!
Author conehead Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 Ok he replied 'hi conehead, sure id love to with u this wknd. Never knew they did tickets online'....im glad he agreed but im still not happy about this whole situation. I'm used to a guy pursuing me (i havent asked a guy out in like 5 years) and not the other way around. But I feel like Ive already gotten myself into this situation. He did something really sweet on the second date though...he knows i love desserts so he picked up two pastries for us prior to the date and surprised me with them. I really loved that. If date 3 goes well, I think i def need to back off and not ask him out again...at least for a few more dates...assuming there will be more after that is.
Emilia Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 If date 3 goes well, I think i def need to back off and not ask him out again...at least for a few more dates...assuming there will be more after that is. I'd say you should do the opposite and keep asking the person you are seeing as many times as he asks you (or roughly around that number) because that will get you out of your comfort zone and you will be more used to taking charge of what happens to you. Men will respect you more if they see you as a confident woman rather than a pretty play thing they have to pick up the tab for.
Thatguyintx Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I agree in principle with Emilia, but will take it one step further. You should ask him as many times as you wish to. That is you and your personality. You need to be with someone who accepts you as you are. If they run because you push hard, they weren't right for you. If they run because you aren't aggressive enough, they weren't right for you. It seems like we go through a lot effort to "do the right thing" to keep someone, when maybe they weren't ours to keep in the first place. {Raises hand high} Ok, off the soapbox for today! Enjoy Speedzone!
dispatch3d Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 seems like your analyzing everything as a potential problem, rather than thinking about how each thing added to the experience. You probably just care more, so are being more nervous about whether x thing you did was a good choice. Strange he didn't respond to the text.
Author conehead Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Thanks for everyones comments. I never used to have this issue where I over-analyze everything I do...just with this guy for some reason probably because I started off on the wrong foot by having disappeared for a month and that kind of messed up my groove a bit lol. By the way, dont know if this makes any difference, but he just turned 36 and he's never had a girlfriend!
dispatch3d Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Thanks for everyones comments. I never used to have this issue where I over-analyze everything I do...just with this guy for some reason probably because I started off on the wrong foot by having disappeared for a month and that kind of messed up my groove a bit lol. By the way, dont know if this makes any difference, but he just turned 36 and he's never had a girlfriend! oh sure you can trash talk on the internet, but can you do it on the bball court where it counts? You'll have to (likely) be pretty positive and upbeat with him. He's probably a little insecure about everything to do with dating, will see things as negative when they aren't, etc. Just tell him he's awesome everytime you see him, and ignore anything negative from him. Just growing pains anywayz.
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