Chinka Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 He was never okay with really designating our relationship as dating at the time, then we would discuss time frames and he would say oh yeah, we were dating then, but broke-up. I was always like, what? You never told me. This all started about 1.5 years ago. We have known each other for a very long time. I knew him when he was married, divorced and girlfriends after the divorce. We were never very close, but still friends. We began hanging out and come to find out we had so much in common and were actually a pretty good match. I really liked him and at the time I thought he really liked me. This went on for awhile, close to 4 months. During this time he lost his job, but found another. Things were understandable rocky when he lost the job and I was supportive. I thought as soon as he found another job things would be better and they were, except we had the dating talk. I brought it up. I asked if he was ready to have the talk and he said sure. Then he totally rejected me. He said he just couldn’t right now but maybe he needed a little time. Keep in mind normally I would walk away at this point, but I really liked this guy and could see myself with him long-term. At the time I had not felt that way about anyone else in years. We were a really good match. Good friends, good times, and all around greatness. I wanted to make sure I gave this situation as much of a chance as possible. A year later, surprise it didn’t work and I borderline hate him. I understand he’s divorced and maybe isn’t at a point in his life where he feels comfortable dating someone. I get it. I respect it and have on multiple occasions been like okay no worries. He has on multiple occasions been a little wishy-washy and indicated that maybe he’s just not so sure about not wanting me around. Of course I go back because I really wanted things to work. Life has been a continuous roller coater. He is temperamental. I always say, “If you were into me you would want to figure something out to make it work and you would not want me to leave.” He always says, “I wish it were that simple but it’s not.” To me it is that simple and because I liked him and want to make it work I’m willing to try to make it work. Figure out a compromise. Hello, I stuck around for a year not knowing what was going on. My favorite most recent revelation is apparently sometime around Christmas he had a change of heart and decided to give it a-go. He never told me. Apparently sometime after Christmas I did something wrong and he changed his mind back to never mind, no dating. He never told me this either. He never told me because he wanted things to progress naturally, but of course since I felt rejected back in the day I would have never been able to move forward without him telling me something. Now I know you’re reading this and thinking what a mess. Move on. And yes you are right it is a mess and we both need to give up and move on. I think at this point we have readily established the fact that we don’t work out well together. We couldn’t even resolve the fundamental issue of “How are we going to have a relationship?” My problem is I really despise him at the moment. I don’t want to. I’m not saying we need to be besties or something, but I kind of think he’s the scum of the earth at the moment. The fact that he decided at one point we might work and didn’t tell me then just changed his mind because of something I did again without giving me a warning is very hurtful. All I ever wanted to hear from him was that he was sorry about the first rejection, he liked me and let’s make this work. I just wanted a little something. Instead I feel like I’ve been involved with the most emotionally selfish person. The fact that he was married before and wanted to make things work with his wife at the time makes it even worse because I feel like it’s only me he wasn’t willing to work things out with. Undoubtedly this will all blow over with time and I will not feel quite as much animosity, but we have the same group of friends and I would like to figure out how not to be so bitter and hurt by this situation sooner rather than later. At the moment I’m having no luck. Any suggestions? BTW typing this long story already helped. ☺
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