AuthenticBliss Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I've not posted much of my story here and I am sure I will be bashed for it, but it's well-deserved. My freshman year in college, I had a very brief PA with someone who told me they were getting separated. Yes, I know... When I figured out that that wasn't the case, I ended the PA, but continued LC through mutual friends. I eventually ended contact with him for a long time, until he (yeah again, I know) found me on FaceBook. At the time, I was going through a very hard time in pretty much all aspects of my life. I'm sure you can see where this is going, it became an EA that I eventually ended with complete NC. In hindsight, it was very bad judgment for us to be leaning on each other during bad times (so I thought), and we both should have had better boundaries. Please trust me when I say I wasn't looking for it, but I recently came across a photo of him and his wife together. They looked very happy. You'll also have to trust me when I say that I feel no jealousy, but I do feel a massive amount of guilt. Massive. I wouldn't have involved myself in the EA had he told me that they were happy, but I know that I shouldn't have gone there anyway. I know there is no one here to blame but myself. Beat me up all you want, I deserve it. But if you have any tips on how to get over this overwhelming guilt I feel, I'd be interested in reading your thoughts.
Memphis Raines Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Well even though you shouldn't mess around with people that say they are getting seperated (the whole wait til the body is cold thing), you knew better (at least temporarily) that it was wrong. but, I wouldn't have involved myself in the EA had he told me that they were happy so if he told you he was unhappy that gives one a green light to be a complete s**t to someone you've never met by being an accomplice to their betrayal (and pain if they found out)??? Beat me up all you want, I deserve it. But if you have any tips on how to get over this overwhelming guilt I feel, I'd be interested in reading your thoughts. again, you at least knew on some level it was wrong even being seperated, with the exception of the excuse that an affair is ok if the cheater says they are unhappy:confused: you really want to alleviate your guilt? tell the wife. She deserves to know what kind of scumbag she is married to. for he will surely do this again as long as he knows he can get away with it. otherwise if you don't, there is nothing you can do about your guilt except live with it.
Author AuthenticBliss Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 Well even though you shouldn't mess around with people that say they are getting seperated (the whole wait til the body is cold thing), you knew better (at least temporarily) that it was wrong. but, so if he told you he was unhappy that gives one a green light to be a complete s**t to someone you've never met by being an accomplice to their betrayal (and pain if they found out)??? again, you at least knew on some level it was wrong even being seperated, with the exception of the excuse that an affair is ok if the cheater says they are unhappy:confused: you really want to alleviate your guilt? tell the wife. She deserves to know what kind of scumbag she is married to. for he will surely do this again as long as he knows he can get away with it. otherwise if you don't, there is nothing you can do about your guilt except live with it. Memphis,You are completely correct in your assessment of me. I have considered what you have advised. However, I was told that she learned of the EA soon after it ended, but not about the PA years ago. I am no longer in contact with anyone close to him, so I have no means to verify that. Would I be hampering any possible reconcilliation by reopening the wound if she indeed does already know?To clarify, I have no idea when the photo was taken. It is possible that they have successfully reconcilled. I do not involve myself in any way with anyone connected to him, so I don't know.
Memphis Raines Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Memphis,You are completely correct in your assessment of me. I have considered what you have advised. However, I was told that she learned of the EA soon after it ended, but not about the PA years ago. well, at least she knows her husband is a cheater, whether physical or emotional. so you really shouldn't feel guilty now. she has the information to decide to stay with him, or kick him to the curb. The choice is hers now and I don't think the knowledge of it being physical or emotional will matter much. even though she deserves to know he had sex with someone else. I am no longer in contact with anyone close to him, so I have no means to verify that. Would I be hampering any possible reconcilliation by reopening the wound if she indeed does already know? to me reconciliation with full disclosure of the facts isn't a reconciliation. its the cheating party manipulating the situation and allowing the BS to attempt reconciliation under false pretenses. so at least she knows he is a cheater of some sort. So the ball is in her park now.
Mz. Pixie Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 It's a process. Dedicate yourself to never doing anything like that again-with him or anyone else and take steps to make sure that doesn't happen. When it comes to mind and you begin to feel bad-remind yourself that you have forgiven yourself. Eventually it will get easier but it will take a long time.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I've not posted much of my story here and I am sure I will be bashed for it, but it's well-deserved. My freshman year in college, I had a very brief PA with someone who told me they were getting separated. Yes, I know... When I figured out that that wasn't the case, I ended the PA, but continued LC through mutual friends. I eventually ended contact with him for a long time, until he (yeah again, I know) found me on FaceBook. At the time, I was going through a very hard time in pretty much all aspects of my life. I'm sure you can see where this is going, it became an EA that I eventually ended with complete NC. In hindsight, it was very bad judgment for us to be leaning on each other during bad times (so I thought), and we both should have had better boundaries. Please trust me when I say I wasn't looking for it, but I recently came across a photo of him and his wife together. They looked very happy. You'll also have to trust me when I say that I feel no jealousy, but I do feel a massive amount of guilt. Massive. I wouldn't have involved myself in the EA had he told me that they were happy, but I know that I shouldn't have gone there anyway. I know there is no one here to blame but myself. Would love to know how you came "across" a photo of him and his wife without "looking" for it for one! Secondly...I don't believe you weren't jealous...pulease! Thats bull and you know it. Beat me up all you want, I deserve it. But if you have any tips on how to get over this overwhelming guilt I feel, I'd be interested in reading your thoughts. Go to church and and ask God for forgiveness. He's the real judge at the end of the day. Looking at the photos has brought something back in ya that you miss about him. Seeing his wife happy is eating up in ya...and you can't handle it. That's why you'd like to bring back the past in her face again. A good recipe to start a lot of ***** in your life that you supposedly dont want to deal with since you ended all the contacts all those times and suddenly feel guilty about. Anyhow..how long ago are we talking anyway???
Author AuthenticBliss Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 (edited) Go to church and and ask God for forgiveness. He's the real judge at the end of the day. Looking at the photos has brought something back in ya that you miss about him. Seeing his wife happy is eating up in ya...and you can't handle it. That's why you'd like to bring back the past in her face again. A good recipe to start a lot of ***** in your life that you supposedly dont want to deal with since you ended all the contacts all those times and suddenly feel guilty about. Anyhow..how long ago are we talking anyway???The EA ended almost 3 years ago. The photo was on a cd album of photos from an ex-friend that I never viewed. I came across it looking for a cd I had lost. The cd wasn't marked, so I had no idea what was there until I opened it. Again, I'm not sure when the photo was taken. If it was taken pre-EA, then I feel like a turd for ever trespassing on that. If it was taken post-EA, then I feel like a turd because I can only imagine what she had to go through to get to that place. Partly because of me. Edited June 9, 2011 by AuthenticBliss
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