dearestpie Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I woke up this morning, and there is not longer a sadness in my chest whenever I think about him or us. There is nostalgia yes, but the intense pain and longing is gone. This has been coming for a couple days, it started when I realized he had deleted the pictures of us together from his facebook profile. I broke down pretty badly then, but afterwards I started accepting that we may not get back together, and now I feel fine with it. The problem is, my immediate thought after realizing it no longer hurt to think about him was "oh great, does this mean I can email him now?" Now I'm confused, am I over him, or do I still need more time? What do you think?
TearyEyedPride Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I think you still need more time because you're unsure. Could you handle e-mailing him only for you to tell him that he's moved on, has a gf and only can speak with you on a limited basis because he doesn't want his new gf to feel insecure? Could you do that without feeling that burning ache in your chest? Could you actually be happy that he's moved on? I think it's too new to tell, because that pain just went away. I say give it some more time, and when you're sure... you'll be able to talk to him, only if you want to. How long have you been in NC?
Author dearestpie Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 No, I suppose I wouldn't be able to handle it, I would be devastated. We've been broken up for nearly two months, and NC for over a month. I suppose as much as I want to be I'm still not completely over him, because when I read posts on here about people not being able to talk to their exes, it scares me. I guess deep deep down, I'm still hoping he will give me another chance. I guess it was just a good feeling this morning, but it's going away as the day goes on. I just hate not knowing what he's thinking you know?
TearyEyedPride Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I totally understand where you're coming from. I miss my ex everyday, but I feel like neither one of us was completely whole in that relationship anymore. He gave up trying, and I gave up trying to fight him to keep him. And accept that it is indeed over. It's like ok... I got that... but that doesn't stop me from missing him, wanting him back, and thinking about him. I think as much as we like to say it's for different reasons, for our own protection, for our own healing... Deep down we all miss our exes immensely. It's only natural. Heartbreak hurts! It's supposed to! Because it literally almost breaks you when you realize you gave your all to someone and they no longer want it. We all cope differently though, that's what I've learned. We all have different needs and different wants for our outcomes. Some of us want our exes back which is normal, but we'll settle for eventually being able to communicate with them on good terms. Some of us want our exes back and won't accept the fact that it may not happen that way (harder to deal with). Some of us don't want our exes back, and some of us are using NC to be mean and as a form of punishment to our ex for making us feel the way they did. I think you're still healing, and sounds like the sting is out of your wounds. Get back to a point where you can be ok being you. Feeling happy, feeling complete, feeling confident, restored and re-energized to love again. Deep inside you know when you'll be able to face anything and that's when you put yourself back out there for your ex (if that's still what you want) , or for any other compatible contender. Until then... just hug yourself, surround yourself with positive people and positive energy, continue to be the best you can be and use us as an outlet. I look forward to your updates. You can do it!
Author dearestpie Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 (edited) Yup, definitely not over him. So I go pretty frequently on a website called tumblr, and they recently changed their layout. They added a search bar to search your email contacts to see if anyone you knew had one, so I did and low and behold there he was. I clicked on his profile, and while he hadn't posted anything, it showed he was following a couple blogs, most of them being...porn blogs. I know, we're broken up and he has a right to view what he wants, I understand people have needs, but I'm afraid he created the account a week or so before we broke up and that is what scares me. It also hurts because all of the posts of women he has liked have been...well not like me. Big breasted, slutty women, not at all what I look like. I suppose maybe he wouldn't want to look at people that reminded him of me because he'd miss me, but still that was a bit of a blow to my self confidence. (TMI, I know haha) I had always assumed that his breaking up with me was a rash decision on his part. I mean, he told me he had been feeling discontent for a couple months, but I didn't think he had been thinking about breaking up. Also, his email he sent me about why he was breaking up was very weak and harsh I felt, I can post it if anyone is interested in reading it. Finally, in the week or so after when we attempted to be friend again, when I would ask him he would say he was still in love with me. I guess what I'm basically thinking right now is "what if he's not the man I thought he was." What if he was so weak he couldn't tell me that he just didn't want to date me anymore, so he had to make up weak excuses. What if he...what if he doesn't miss me. I feel so weak right now and I hate it, I would love words of reassurance, but I also want total honesty. I know I have to move on, it's over. I'm being irrational and over-analyzing right now, but I can't help it, it's just so hard. I know I will feel better on other days, but I suppose right now I just needed to vent a little. Edited June 8, 2011 by dearestpie Removed a question because it was dumb. :)
Shadowburn Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 No, you're far from being over him. When you'll be over him, you won't be checking FB or whatever sites he's frequenting, or wonder whether he was or he was not the man you thought he was - none of it would matter anymore. You'd be too busy with your life and maybe even a new love to worry about the past. In other words, you're over them when you just simply don't care anymore. Good luck!
Badenov Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Remember there is no deadline. Relapses are normal. Yesterday I felt I was back in control of my emotions, today I felt lower than I have for months. It's all part of the process. For what it's worth, reading this thread has helped me too.
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