nothappyjan Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Been out with a guy 4 times. We chat on the computer sometimes and it's always weird. He seems kinda geeky guy. My problem is he hasnt made a move on me at all except holding hands and sometimes i dont even get a hug or kiss on the cheek or anything goodbye. He also mentions other girls and i don't know what his deal is. I don't care oif he's seeing others but i don't want him to mention that there are awesome girls on the dating site. I just cant figure him out, he seems like he genuinely just doesnt have a clue not that he's being deliberately mean if you know what I mean. I just dont know whether to keep seeing him. He makes issues weird by mentioning awkward silences or making a normal situation uncomfortable.
oldguy Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Are you the type of person who just takes the wrong order at the drive through & never says anything? Why are you considering a relationship that doesn't look like much of a match? It's great if you where just his friend, you could sit him down & set him straight, help him out but beyond that it doesn't sound like a great beginning for a relationship; 4 dates & your already annoyed with him(?) POF relationship shouldn't begin in the repair stage.
Eeyore79 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 He sounds extremely shy and inexperienced, and is probably afraid of rejection, hence why he hasn't made a move. Inexperienced guys often mention other women to try to big themselves up a little and sound more experienced, which I'm guessing is why he keeps talking about other women on the dating site - he's trying to be nonchalant and not appear too interested in you. Next time you see him, make a move yourself - slip him some tongue and show him that you're interested in him and he needn't be afraid of rejection.
alexlakeman Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Make a move yourself.. he's inexperienced..give him a chance
Author nothappyjan Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 I suppose I am trying to give a different type of guy a chance. Normally i go for more confident men who are pretty much sure of themselves but that has never worked out too well. One thing that bothers me is he never walks me to my car and even when its dark and i've parked far away. It just seems like a basic thing to do and then it would be more easy for us to say goodbye etc but instead he just starts walking off in his direction as he walks. He's never had a relationship before, maybe I should just give it up.
zlatnapolja Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I suppose I am trying to give a different type of guy a chance. Normally i go for more confident men who are pretty much sure of themselves but that has never worked out too well. One thing that bothers me is he never walks me to my car and even when its dark and i've parked far away. It just seems like a basic thing to do and then it would be more easy for us to say goodbye etc but instead he just starts walking off in his direction as he walks. He's never had a relationship before, maybe I should just give it up. .... You shouldnt date other just to make them happy or 'to try something new'. You're intuition is usually a great guide, this doesn't feel right so just stop dating the guy. And since its already this bad, you might as well ask him why he acts like this.
good_vibes Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I would not have even given this 4 dates. He probably isn't walking you to your car because then he knows he will have to kiss you or whatnot. Guys who are interested enough would get over any fears they may have. He may be stringing you along as more of someone to do something with if he doesn't find anything else better. I would move on.
Eeyore79 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I think it's a shame that everyone is advising the OP to dump this guy simply because he's obviously shy and hasn't made a move. He's not abusing her, cheating on her, hurting her, or in any way being a bad boyfriend. He simply hasn't had the nerve to kiss her and doesn't know how to behave in a relationship - in fact he's admitted that he's never had a relationship before, so it's unfair to expect him to be confident and know exactly what to do. OP, if you want to give this relationship a chance then you're probably going to have to lead a little. Make the first move and kiss him, get him comfortable with being intimate, and see if the relationship as a whole improves once he gets over his shyness. You may have to guide him a little in terms of what sort of thing he should be doing for his girlfriend (e.g. walking you to your car). Most guys overcome their inexperience and shyness pretty quickly, and it's worth being kind and understanding with him if he's a nice guy and you get on well.
OldOnTheInside Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Jesus Christ...just make the first move, because evidently, he won't. No need to break up with him because of this.
musemaj11 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 (edited) Women are more unwilling to tolerate shortcomings than the other way around. This hasnt ever had a relationship. So he is obviously clueless. Its up to you whether you want to direct him or you just wanna drop him and look for somenone who is more ready made. Edited June 9, 2011 by musemaj11
good_vibes Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 How do you know this? If the guy has fears, that's not a good reason to dump him. Not walking her to her car might also mean lack of interest from him. If that is the case, she should dump him. It's not possible to know from what she's posted. "He also mentions other girls and i don't know what his deal is." "He makes issues weird by mentioning awkward silences or making a normal situation uncomfortable." To each their own, I guess, I would not put up with it. OP, I don't know how old you are. I am 38. At this age, if a guy is acting like that he is gone. I guess if you are 18 or something, you might accept that. I wouldn't even when I was 18, but again, to each their own, if there's something (?) about him you dig, then go for it. I don't choose to put the moves on men either, I never have, never will. But again that's just me.
Author nothappyjan Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 We are both mid to late 20s so this isn't a high school guy either! Yeah i'm just going to see how it goes. Not be overly keen but not ditch him either but at the same time i'll keep my options open. The sad part is he's the BEST ive found on online dating so far. The lastest guy wanted me to meet him on the side of the road for our first meet because i wouldnt come to his house and he didnt want to pay to take me out. Dont worry i said no!! I dont think im the worst catch, im attractive, educated, work hard, have interests, no baggage. It's so hard! Where have all the gentlemen gone?
shadowofman Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 The emasculation of the modern man only serves to frustrate the modern female. So whom is responsible. Many modern men are deathly afraid of being pushy, rapey, and offensive. They misunderstand this for dominate and assertive. Resulting in nervous aggressive or lame. I recommend teaching him to be dominate assertive by being submissive assertive. You will be doing him a service.
Eeyore79 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 We are both mid to late 20s so this isn't a high school guy either! But he's as inexperienced as a high school guy is. He's in his 20s and has never had a relationship, so I'm guessing he's generally shy about making a move. This is not the end of the world; his confidence would soon increase if you kissed him and clearly demonstrated your interest. I don't choose to put the moves on men either, I never have, never will. But again that's just me. That seems a little sexist... a shy guy needs a bit of encouragement from a girl, at least in the beginning. It's completely your choice if you choose not to date shy guys, but some of them make perfectly good boyfriends once they get comfortable with you and their confidence increases a little. This hasnt ever had a relationship. So he is obviously clueless. I disagree. Inexperienced and clueless are not the same thing. Someone is not a bad choice of partner simply because he's shy and hasn't previously been successful at finding a relationship. I didn't realize inexperienced people were treated so harshly, and would like to reassure any inexperienced readers that not everyone thinks this way, and that there are some people out there who are willing to be understanding with an inexperienced person if they like them.
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