joejoe Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Ok so its been a month since I was dumped, no contact what so ever and I havn't heard a word from her. Id still love to get back with her but I realise now there are no quick fixes despite the fact that we didnt break up over anything big, just the fact that things got stale I think. So i've been keeping busy with the gym and trying to go out as much as possible. I've changed my hair bought new clothes the whole works and I do feel a small bit better but I still miss her and think about her everyday. Went out now last night and pulled probably the hotest girl in the club and not being cocky just what I thought. She was the first person i've been with now in over 4 years besides my girlfriend. To be honest today though I feel like crap its like I cant be happy, all im thinking about is my ex and how much I miss her, I dont want to be with other people I just want her! Any advice would be great, I feel like I cant get out of this hole and get my confidence back, I still feel like she is the love of my life
Karala Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 We're all in this together, I'm feeling particularly down myself today so I'm not in the best place to give advice just now but you'll find that being on this message board helps a lot, some people give really great advice and it's good to know that we're not alone and that we have a place to vent. All I'll say for now is, the advice that some people give about going out and meeting new people isn't for everyone - I've done that and it only made me feel more desperate and lonely. The more guys I went out with, the more it made me miss my ex and think I'll never find someone as great again, because all those guys were so below my ex it was ridiculous. So see what it does for you ; if it makes you feel better, go ahead, but if not, I really don't think you should force yourself.
fetish Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 hey joejoe just reading up on your situation man. I'm struggling with the same thing so i might not be much of an advice giver right now but just to let you know, i know what you're going through. me and my gf of 8 years broke up 4 months ago and i was on my way. I was meeting new people, nice looking girls, and etc. I got a number from an attractive girl in the club. Went out on a date with her last week. Anyway, during the date, i found myself getting a little sad thinking over my ex and reminiscing of similar places we went. I'm taking it slow with this new girl, haven't slept with her. But take it from me, my girlfriend texted me last week saying she wanted to talk. All she wanted to do was see what i've been up to, if i've been dating, and trying to pretend like she was cool with it. We were supposed to meet to exchange some more of our things, but she ended up cancelling. Point is, I picked the scab by opening myself back up and now i'm paying for it. I'm feeling back low again and even stupid for letting myself fall for it. You may miss your ex, but realize that a relationship can't ever be the same once its broken. So while you're yearning for your ex lover, think about if its worth pain and sorrow. That's the best i can give seeing how i'm trying to cope with my situation.
Mack05 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 (edited) Sadly a lot of us have to go through these horrible feelings and tough times. The best advice I can give you is to Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Don't ignore them. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad and feeling sad for awhile (as long as it takes). There is no easy fix here I'm afraid. Some people ignore their feelings or don't deal with them in the correct way and move on to new relationships quickly (making excuses and kidding themselves). In my case, I ignored my feelings and turned to addictions (NOT THE WAY TO GO!!). The people that ignore their feelings and don't face them are the people that end up in trouble times/bad relationships later in life (believe me I know). You keep running away the past catches you eventually, and worst still you wake up one day and you don't even recognise yourself in the mirror and wonder where the years went. Feelings are like weeds. If you ignore them and try to move past them, then they eventually run wild and consume you. It's ok to feel alot of different emotions, sadness, anger, hurt etc etc. Just feel them and go through the pain, don't ignore it. Some days are worse then others. You might take the odd step backwards, but the key is to keep moving forward, slowly at your own pace. The things that helped me move forward were.. 1) Writing. I wrote alot. Letters to my ex I never sent. Kept a diary about the emotions I was feeling (I just wrote what was in my head at that moment). You will be surprised how Theraputic writing actually is. 2) Exercise. Going to the gym when you feel good is hard, when you are feeling low it's VERY hard. But you feel an enormous sense of achievement after a tough workout and its proven getting fit rebuilds lost self esteem.. 3) Clear all memories of you ex from your house. Not only that try avoid the places you used to go to together.. 4) Try hang out with friends as much as you can.. 5) Goals. Write a list of short term and long term goals. From household chores to career goals. Cross each one off that you achieve. These goals give a purpose to your day. 6) Do things your ex hated, watch movies she said she didn't like.. There is no quick fix mate. All breakups test our character. It's how we respond to that test that determines the kind of people we are going to be and the type of relationships we are going to have in the future. I wish you well mate.. Edited June 7, 2011 by Mack05
superchiefs Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Ok so its been a month since I was dumped, no contact what so ever and I havn't heard a word from her. Id still love to get back with her but I realise now there are no quick fixes despite the fact that we didnt break up over anything big, just the fact that things got stale I think. So i've been keeping busy with the gym and trying to go out as much as possible. I've changed my hair bought new clothes the whole works and I do feel a small bit better but I still miss her and think about her everyday. Went out now last night and pulled probably the hotest girl in the club and not being cocky just what I thought. She was the first person i've been with now in over 4 years besides my girlfriend. To be honest today though I feel like crap its like I cant be happy, all im thinking about is my ex and how much I miss her, I dont want to be with other people I just want her! Any advice would be great, I feel like I cant get out of this hole and get my confidence back, I still feel like she is the love of my life Just keep on coming up with new things to do. You cant make your ex come back to you, she has to choose to come back to you. I wish that I had gone NC with my ex 6 weeks ago, but instead, I have just gone NC for chunks of time and all that has caused is for her to pull away from me more. When I went NC for over a week, she actually came back towards me a bit by sending me an email telling me how lonely she was and that I was still in her heart. However, I took the bait and started to chase her again for 3 days and she pulled even further away, telling me that she didnt know if we would ever get back together. So now here I am today, going barely 24 hours on NC again, she sent me another email saying how lonely she was, then I tried to call her but her phone only rang once and then went to voice mail. So now she has me wondering, did she reject my call, or is she somewhere where she has her phone shut off.
shook187 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 joe, sadly we share the same name, and circumstances. My girl left me after 5 years, she was 15 when we met, I was 17, I'm the only guy shed ever done anything with. I have been broken up about a month now. and its getting harder sadly. I lost 8 kilos, didn't leave house, girl in a club. Didn't help one bit. She was so different........ I feel like this relationship has taught me so much. Just gotta hang in there Man...... If its meant to be Ull both be stronger for it....
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