iris219 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 If a guy can easily get lots of hot women, can he be trusted? Will he be faithful? Or maybe my question is this: Why would he be faithful? My gut says no, a loud, resounding NO, he will not be faithful. Call me cynical, but I tend to believe that any guy who has lots of options will take advantage of it. Maybe I’m being unfair and judgmental. I was approached at a bar by the singer in the band that was there that night. He’s hot—think Adam Levine, but with full lips and hotter. I know he has hot 24 year old girls fawning over him constantly. We talked for a bit (he seemed nice) and he dedicated the first song to me (kind of cheesy, I know). I gave him my number. He texted that night at 2 am asking if I wanted to meet him, which I felt confirmed my fears that he just wants sex, so I didn’t bother to text back. But then he texted the next day, and the day after that as well, and we set up a date for this week. I didn’t think he was kind of guy who would make actual plans with a girl. I’m still thinking he’s just trying to sleep with me, but sees that it will take more effort than a 2 am text. I’m not sure I should even go. Am I right to feel apprehensive and distrustful?
mr.dream merchant Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Ugh that's so annoying. :/ I've been written off as a player a number of times when I had genuine interest in the woman. Give him a chance. Is he wrong to think maybe you're a slut because you're attractive and can get any guy to come after you?
mo mo Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Ugh that's so annoying. :/ I've been written off as a player a number of times when I had genuine interest in the woman. Give him a chance. Is he wrong to think maybe you're a slut because you're attractive and can get any guy to come after you? Gotta agree with this. Just because a guy has lots of options it doesn't mean he is going to pursue all of them. In fact, guys who have lots of options are usually a bit more experienced with women, and often, a little less curious about women after a while because they have discovered what they want, what they are looking for, and will not settle for anything less. I'm not going to deny that there are male sluts out there, but you shouldn't assume all guys are like that.
Author iris219 Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 Ugh that's so annoying. :/ I've been written off as a player a number of times when I had genuine interest in the woman. Give him a chance. Is he wrong to think maybe you're a slut because you're attractive and can get any guy to come after you? Mr. Dream Merchant! What's REALLY funny is that I was thinking when I posted this that I hoped you wouldn't answer (since you seem to be the LS resident player), but you gave sound advice (and opposite of what I would have assumed). Thank you. I think I jump to conclusions and make unfair assumptions about guys and their intentions. Defense mechanism I suppose.
mo mo Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Mr. Dream Merchant! What's REALLY funny is that I was thinking when I posted this that I hoped you wouldn't answer (since you seem to be the LS resident player), but you gave sound advice (and opposite of what I would have assumed). Thank you. I think I jump to conclusions and make unfair assumptions about guys and their intentions. Defense mechanism I suppose. Nahh I'm pretty sure his whole thing is that he knows what he is and the type of women he could be going after, and that's why he has little patience for the shenanigans women throw at him from time to time. I went through the same thing not long ago
mr.dream merchant Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Player? Me? Hehe, nooo. I prefer being labeled a stand up guy. Always honest about my intentions. Players are pretty good at manipulating women, something I don't condone in. One of my friends is what I would call a player. And he breaks their heart everytime. I don't have the stomach for that :/ Mo mo hit the nail on the head really. I know it sounds bad but I've messed around so much that now I actually prefer a quality relationship with a woman I care about over some meaningless sex. Not saying your guy could've gone through this, but that's usually what happens with some guys who have a decent amount of options. Even my player friend is starting to slow down. Can't run around chasing skirts forever, eventually you'll either run out of energy or meet your match, and she's definitely going to make you shelve the game.
Eeyore79 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Players are usually hot men, but not all hot men are players. Him calling you at 2am is a bit of a red flag though. I suggest keeping your panties on and waiting to see if he genuinely wants a relationship.
O'Malley Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I gave him my number. He texted that night at 2 am asking if I wanted to meet him, which I felt confirmed my fears that he just wants sex, so I didn’t bother to text back. Sure, musicians keep late nights, but a text asking you to meet at 2 AM would be make me cautious as well. He could have easily asked you out on a date at that point, or when you were talking earlier in the club. I'm involved in a ltr with a musician; possibly it's just my experiences, but most of the good ones generally don't pursue women they meet at their shows. If you like him, why not just go on the date and have fun? At the least, you might get a funny anecdote out of it, if nothing else. Just don't invest too many expectations into this, and don't get intimate with him early on unless you're fine with things being casual.
Author iris219 Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 Players are usually hot men, but not all hot men are players. Him calling you at 2am is a bit of a red flag though. I suggest keeping your panties on and waiting to see if he genuinely wants a relationship. I definitely thought this was a red flag as well. It WAS the time they got done playing, but asking me to meet him at that time was sketchy. Maybe it was a test to see if I was slutty:rolleyes: Guess I passed! My panties aren't going anywhere any time soon! possibly it's just my experiences, but most of the good ones generally don't pursue women they meet at their shows. Uh oh. I wonder if him approaching me at his show is another red flag. I don’t know why I’m so distrustful. For some reason, I believe, given the right circumstances, almost EVERYONE (man or woman) will cheat. Some are more likely to do it than others, but everyone is capable of it (IMO).
Cee Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Some men are not built to cheat, no matter how handsome and famous they are. I was in a LTR with musician (only a drummer, haha) and I expected to hear wild stories. But there weren't any. These men were getting together 3 nights a week in their basement. And when they played a show, they were too busy loading out to talk to women. Most musicians' great love is the music and they are obsessed with it. And there are tours where they are gone for weeks/months. That can be hard to take sometimes. But I learned that I need not be jealous and to support him. While I didn't hear about much sex in the music world, there was a lot of alcohol and drug abuse. You might want to watch out for that. I know plenty of moderate musicians, but there are trainwrecks, too.
SxB Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 If a guy can easily get lots of hot women, can he be trusted? Will he be faithful? Or maybe my question is this: Why would he be faithful? My gut says no, a loud, resounding NO, he will not be faithful. Call me cynical, but I tend to believe that any guy who has lots of options will take advantage of it. Maybe I’m being unfair and judgmental. I was approached at a bar by the singer in the band that was there that night. He’s hot—think Adam Levine, but with full lips and hotter. I know he has hot 24 year old girls fawning over him constantly. We talked for a bit (he seemed nice) and he dedicated the first song to me (kind of cheesy, I know). I gave him my number. He texted that night at 2 am asking if I wanted to meet him, which I felt confirmed my fears that he just wants sex, so I didn’t bother to text back. But then he texted the next day, and the day after that as well, and we set up a date for this week. I didn’t think he was kind of guy who would make actual plans with a girl. I’m still thinking he’s just trying to sleep with me, but sees that it will take more effort than a 2 am text. I’m not sure I should even go. Am I right to feel apprehensive and distrustful? He would be faithful if he isn't resentful, insecure, and isn't low on self esteem. How attracted you are to him won't be judging those things.
Author iris219 Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 Some men are not built to cheat, no matter how handsome and famous they are. I would like this to be true. I just read that 4 in 10 men have a cheating gene. I'm not sure how this was discovered or how accurate it is, but it doesn't give me a lot of reassurance.
MrNate Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Eh, you have a right to feel that way. Simply because yes, the odds are not in your favor. And as far as the main question goes. Hey, I can't say I see many stud muffins in relationships these days. Also if more men had more options, I would also feel inclined to say that yes, less would settle down.
thatone Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 If a guy can easily get lots of hot women, can he be trusted? Will he be faithful? Or maybe my question is this: Why would he be faithful? My gut says no, a loud, resounding NO, he will not be faithful. Call me cynical, but I tend to believe that any guy who has lots of options will take advantage of it. Maybe I’m being unfair and judgmental. I was approached at a bar by the singer in the band that was there that night. He’s hot—think Adam Levine, but with full lips and hotter. I know he has hot 24 year old girls fawning over him constantly. We talked for a bit (he seemed nice) and he dedicated the first song to me (kind of cheesy, I know). I gave him my number. He texted that night at 2 am asking if I wanted to meet him, which I felt confirmed my fears that he just wants sex, so I didn’t bother to text back. But then he texted the next day, and the day after that as well, and we set up a date for this week. I didn’t think he was kind of guy who would make actual plans with a girl. I’m still thinking he’s just trying to sleep with me, but sees that it will take more effort than a 2 am text. I’m not sure I should even go. Am I right to feel apprehensive and distrustful? stand on your pedestal til you're 50 and let us know how it works out for you.
thatone Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 If a guy can easily get lots of hot women, can he be trusted? Will he be faithful? Or maybe my question is this: Why would he be faithful? My gut says no, a loud, resounding NO, he will not be faithful. Call me cynical, but I tend to believe that any guy who has lots of options will take advantage of it. Maybe I’m being unfair and judgmental. I was approached at a bar by the singer in the band that was there that night. He’s hot—think Adam Levine, but with full lips and hotter. I know he has hot 24 year old girls fawning over him constantly. We talked for a bit (he seemed nice) and he dedicated the first song to me (kind of cheesy, I know). I gave him my number. He texted that night at 2 am asking if I wanted to meet him, which I felt confirmed my fears that he just wants sex, so I didn’t bother to text back. But then he texted the next day, and the day after that as well, and we set up a date for this week. I didn’t think he was kind of guy who would make actual plans with a girl. I’m still thinking he’s just trying to sleep with me, but sees that it will take more effort than a 2 am text. I’m not sure I should even go. Am I right to feel apprehensive and distrustful? stand on your pedestal til you're 50 and let us know how it works out for you. I would like this to be true. I just read that 4 in 10 men have a cheating gene. I'm not sure how this was discovered or how accurate it is, but it doesn't give me a lot of reassurance. watch more oprah and read more supermarket checkout trash to rationalize your fantasies. Uh oh. I wonder if him approaching me at his show is another red flag. maybe you should paint pictures of red flags for a living and sell them to other persistently single women.
SxB Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 "but it doesn't give me a lot of reassurance." And nothing will but yourself.
somedude81 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Ah the dilemma. Go out with the hot guy who has a very big chance of being a player. Or Go out with the average looking dude who doesn't have women fawning over him.
Sanman Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 What you are asking can't really be answered by anyone but this guy. Of course, the opportunities a person has, the more they are likely to stray. However, that is no reason not to give it a chance. If you want to go out with him try to take things slowly and use you best judgement. Other than that, we all have to take the chance that something negative may occur when we take a chance of making our lives better. Not taking a chance gains you nothing either way.
Author iris219 Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 Also if more men had more options, I would also feel inclined to say that yes, less would settle down. Yep. This is pretty much exactly how I feel.
Author iris219 Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 Ah the dilemma. Go out with the hot guy who has a very big chance of being a player. Or Go out with the average looking dude who doesn't have women fawning over him. I don't get asked out by average guys. They don't approach me. If they did, I would definitely go out with them.
blueskyday Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Just go out with him and watch him around other women. Does he swivel his head around to look at them? Does he smile at them? Does he have dozens of women friends who text him all day long? Wouldn't want to date him if he did. But, if he looks at you, laughs at your humor, is engaged in conversation with you without distraction, then I wouldn't worry about it so much. Not all good looking guys are players. Like the others have said, they often have so many options they aren't too flattered by it at a certain point. They feel happy picking a woman with the qualities they want and need, and other women don't really turn their heads anymore. Seems to me that sometimes it can be the insecure, average guys we have to worry about, at least in my experience. Some are easily flattered when a woman gives them an opportunity because they haven't had that kind of attention before. I've seen it happen more than a few times.
Cee Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I don't get asked out by average guys. They don't approach me. If they did, I would definitely go out with them. Sometimes guys need a nudge. That worked for me.
tigressA Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Just go out with him and watch him around other women. Does he swivel his head around to look at them? Does he smile at them? Does he have dozens of women friends who text him all day long? Wouldn't want to date him if he did. But, if he looks at you, laughs at your humor, is engaged in conversation with you without distraction, then I wouldn't worry about it so much. Not all good looking guys are players. Like the others have said, they often have so many options they aren't too flattered by it at a certain point. They feel happy picking a woman with the qualities they want and need, and other women don't really turn their heads anymore. Seems to me that sometimes it can be the insecure, average guys we have to worry about, at least in my experience. Some are easily flattered when a woman gives them an opportunity because they haven't had that kind of attention before. I've seen it happen more than a few times. I don't really agree with this part. In my experience, the players--the skilled ones, anyway--are the ones who make you feel like the only woman in the world so you are more quickly seduced into taking your panties off. I met plenty like this and I fell for it once.
Author iris219 Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 stand on your pedestal til you're 50 and let us know how it works out for you. watch more oprah and read more supermarket checkout trash to rationalize your fantasies. maybe you should paint pictures of red flags for a living and sell them to other persistently single women. Why are your responses so sarcastic and condescending? Obviously, I'm afraid of getting hurt. I don’t see anything wrong with being prudent in order to avoid getting hurt. In my experience, the players--the skilled ones, anyway--are the ones who make you feel like the only woman in the world so you are more quickly seduced into taking your panties off. tigressA, I've noticed this as well and the night I met him he seemed too charming: too much eye contact, looking at me too intensely, saying my name too much, more than one kiss on the cheek. It was just a bit much, so I will have to be cautious.
tigressA Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 tigressA, I've noticed this as well and the night I met him he seemed too charming: too much eye contact, looking at me too intensely, saying my name too much, more than one kiss on the cheek. It was just a bit much, so I will have to be cautious. Yep, that's dead-on player. I think what he's doing is a touch too much, but generally that's the way it goes. Keep in mind that these guys can be very persistent, and very patient. It's all about the chase for them and as soon as it gets boring--as soon as you're 'caught'--they're gone. It could take one night, it could take weeks or even months. So holding off on intimacy with any of them will likely only prolong the inevitable.
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