zuzuzoggins Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 i have gone NC but feel really unstable...I still think of him constantly and I have lost weight, I am not eating or sleeping properly...at the beginning I was hounding him with messages, e-mails and he got so fed up he nearly called the police...I even went to his new flat,,in the end he let me in and he cried saying he's sorry things havent worked out but i need to move on.....he told me we could stay casually in contact so i sent him a casual email a week later and he didnt reply ..i went crazy sending loadsa messages and again scared him off.....i feel horrible...he says i dont understand love or care for him cos i wont let him go...now i have but my brain feels like a slave to him and i cant even focus on films or anything....it's been over 6 months, ive been out socialising...tried new activities but in the end i always end up in front of this computer thinking of him...i know happiness is the best revenge but i dont even feel like i deserve it cos it was my fault we split up
dreamscape123 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 sorry to hear about your pain, i know exactly how you are feeling. Why do you believe it is your fault you split up?
TheLawmaker Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I know that you're in a lot of pain right now, but you need to take care of you. You've all you've got right now. Sorry to hear about your breakup.
Mack05 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Hi zuzu, I feel your pain. I really do. I posted this in another thread.. I would recommend 2 books for you which have really helped me.. 1) I can mend your broken heart -> http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Mend-You.../dp/0593050533 2) How to break your addiction to a person -> http://www.amazon.com/How-Break-Your.../dp/0553382497 These type of self help books are never an easy read but I promise you that they will teach you a lot and help you move forward...Adding, this is from Geegirl on another thread. I read this when I think of breaking NC.. "It's normal to feel this way. It is like a drug. You are still going through withdrawals and you want to find comfort in your drug. But the drug will hurt you. He is not your source of comfort but your source of pain. Don't go looking to him to soothe you. He may soothe you for a little while, then he walks away again, and you are left craving for another hit. Don't put yourself in that cycle. It's fine to love him and care for him but in the safety of your NC. You break NC and you get back to where you were again when you first started. Keep digging into that wound and you will forever be wounded"
liverpool fc Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 all i can recomend is that you look after yourself first, your health is way more important
Author zuzuzoggins Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 well it's a long and complicated story but after a messy night out...and being accused of cheating repeatedly all night, including being held around the neck against a wall and shouted at so even bouncers had to intervene..i got so fed up and actually did kiss someone...if only i had just been strong and split up with him..i would prob still be with him..it was a stupid mistake but at that moment i didnt feel like i loved him anymore cos he was branding me a slut when i had done nothing so there you go I'm a cheating whore who deserves to suffer and he loves to remind me of how im a cheap skank and unworthy of his love..feel miserable and powerless but up until that point he was not treating me well and being controlling but he thinks he is a better person because he remained loyal..... he said he loves me but hes got trust issues.... he would never stand at the altar with someone who cheated on him as this makes him not a real man
Author zuzuzoggins Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 thanks for advice..i have already read 5 self help books.......i guess it's just time and everyone's different, thing is I'm 30 and feel I dont have time to waste ...I want to be in a stable relationship and be happy but I've almost given up to be honest and accepted that it may not happen anymore............i have been on a few dates but they make me worse and i come home crying feeling alone.....unable to connect with anyone.....I hate how pathetic im being!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TearyEyedPride Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Hey zuzu. I was in the same boat for awhile. I couldn't eat (still can't eat 3 meals a day... just feels like too much food in me) and I used to get up every night at 2am from being restless and having to check my phone. Since I started NC, which was only like two says ago... I was able to go ahead and get that full night's sleep. I miss him still, love him still, but I feel like i'm slowly shifting the focus more on me and my needs so it's going good for now. I'd say really take the time to rest, heal, and try and recooperate because it seems like right now you're tired of the changes, feeling guilty, and just not at 100%. So I'd say try to get back to you, and then see how things go from there.
superchiefs Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 thanks for advice..i have already read 5 self help books.......i guess it's just time and everyone's different, thing is I'm 30 and feel I dont have time to waste ...I want to be in a stable relationship and be happy but I've almost given up to be honest and accepted that it may not happen anymore............i have been on a few dates but they make me worse and i come home crying feeling alone.....unable to connect with anyone.....I hate how pathetic im being!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can understand exactly how you feel on the age thing. I am 31 and just got dumped from a 5+ year relationship 6 weeks ago. If going out on the dates makes you feel bad, then you should probably stop going on them for a while. I have been going out and connecting with new people, I have met several girls that I had a lot in common with, but I just dont feel anywhere close to ready to be in a committed relationship right now because I know I am not healed from the one I just got out of. I am hoping that in the next couple of months that I do recover because I really dont want to spend the rest of my life alone. I was really looking forward to being married and starting a family.
RuinedLife Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I can really relate to your pain zuzu as I feel incredibly responsible for my break up too and I just can't forgive myself or stop thinking about him or the events leading up to the break up. I hate myself so much. I hate myself to the point where I want to knock myself out and have other very dark thoughts regularly. I think I have obsessive love disorder/ love addiction or something like that as I am constantly thinking about my ex no matter what I'm doing. Its been nearly 4 months since my break up now and I still feel like I'm going completely insane. I'm also physically ill, but I can't eat properly or sleep properly and I'm obsessing about the break up and thinking about my ex all the time. So times I live so much in denial I feel almost delusional and imagine my ex is coming to visit me or I'm going to talk to him on the phone. I keep having despairing episodes collapsing on the floor and screaming out in pain and crying and crying so much. Live in constant anxiety as if the break up events are happening over and over again inside my mind So you're not alone.
Karala Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 i know happiness is the best revenge Just wanted to say, this is such a great phrase. I also know how you feel about the age thing. I'm 30 also and feel the same wanting to be in a stable relationship at last and not having much time to waste. I keep repeating myself that 30 is not old at all and there's still plenty of time to meet a great guy that will want to spend his life with me. I'm only on day 6 of NC but from what people say on this board, it does get easier the further along NC you are. Hang in there.
Author zuzuzoggins Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 thanks for all the support...I understand the deluded state ''ruined life''...I also imagine my ex will walk up the street one day!!! but deep down I know it'll never happen ...anyway things are very much up and down...i just have to keep going...ive organised to jam with some musicians next weekend and thinking of starting a new hobby...roller derby...to take my mind off it...ive just given in to my emotions and accepted i'll feel sad and miss him for a long, long while yet and have unstable eating/sleeping patterns!!!.....perhaps you should just not worry about your whirlwind emotions, just accept it and have small goals everyday ..like today I'll read a magazine, or today I'll go for a coffee etc...just accept life is in a bleak place and youll constantly think of them no matter what u do..that's what ive done..it's gonna be a long haul!!!!! but at least we have the comfort that 100s of other people in the world are also lonely and heartbroken...i read on here that NC is like a band aid...and once u rip it off the wound is open and vulnerable again..i have written this on a poster in my room in capital letters..seems to be helping!!! god im crazy!!!!!!
Karala Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 i read on here that NC is like a band aid...and once u rip it off the wound is open and vulnerable again..i have written this on a poster in my room in capital letters..seems to be helping!!! god im crazy!!!!!! lol, no, I think that was a very sensible thing of you to do ^^ In the first few weeks of separation with my ex, I had tons of posters hung on to my appartment's walls reminding me of how to handle things, and they helped at lot!
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