hoping2heal Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Thanks but i can't get over him. He's the person i've lost my virginity to, he's the person whom i love. I want this relationship to work. ;( Maybe what disturbs him is that you did something because people pressured you to do it, not because you wanted to do it. He might feel like the next time you are pressured to do something you do not believe in, you will cave. The next time you are pressured you probably will, especially until you start thinking for yourself. Having been raised in a similar background, I know full well the drill. You do no thinking for yourself, you do what you are told because that is what you have been raised to believe is right, ignore all the other obvious wrong things about it, and make no attempt to consider both sides of the argument or make a decision on your own thinking. Making mistakes and trying new things is part of being human and you have yourself fooled if you really think you want to set yourself up for a life of being with someone who judges you. You are already seeing how not fun that is, right?
BetheButterfly Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Thanks guys, for spending time reading my story and actually putting in efforts to reply & give me advices. You guys were right. He kept banging on the point saying that i've ruined his trust, in fact, i did not. There weren't any trust to start with. We've sorted things out. I've told him the truth, that i feel that he was never ever able to trust me since the start. And i've explained to him my family's upbringing was that we're educated to be really particular about physical contacts since we're Christians. He was the first person i've had physical contacts with. I could stand in a crowd of sluts and watch them make out with random guys/their boyfriends and i wouldn't join them. Because i find it filthy to have physical contact with anyone besides the person whom you're prepared to spend your whole life with. After tonight's conversation, he finally realized that he hasn't trusted me since the start. Anyway, i can't blame him. Because he was brought up in a school which claims to be more "westernized", and the students there do boobs-groping & lap-dances everyday. He feels that all girls are stereotyped to be like that. Besides, his first impression of me was from my so-called best friend, who was materialistic and wanted to have him as her bf because his family is very well-off. She insulted me and badmouthed me and made up stories which made me sound like a girl, desperate for guys. Guess all these had not stop us from getting together. It just triggered the trust issue. Regardless, we're getting it right back on track now. I've told him that if he can't trust me & my personalities, then maybe he should reconsider about our plans of getting our engagement ring. He said that he'll work on the trust issue. And i've told him to have a flash back bout every single expression of mine when he took away my first kiss and what not, saying that he'll never ever find those reactions on me if it wasn't me first. He understood and he felt extremely guilty. He asked me to dump him, thinking that he doesn't deserve me. But i've told him that this realization isn't too late yet. So yeah, things are finally fine now. After a year of awful torments. Thanks guys. Appreciated every single comment up there. BetheButterfly, God will remember that you've lived & glorified Christ, helped a young Christian girl here, with His words. Praise the Lord. Thanks everyone, so much. I am so happy to hear that your boyfriend will work on his trust issue! That is so important and good that you recognize you did not "ruin" his trust. He either gives it or he does not. It is his decision and I very much hope that he will move on from the issues of the past and have a wonderful relationship with you built on God's love. You are a very special girl. Hopefully he knows this. Please let him know it has nothing to do with "deserving" or not. Love is not based on whether one is deserving or not. God loves us not because we deserve His love, but because He is love. 1 John 4 (NIV) "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." God bless you Your sister in Christ
Floridaman Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 (edited) But if we broke up, i consider myself "contaminated" & i won't wanna be with anyone else anymore. Please help, i really do need some Christian advices. Yes, i do take my beliefs seriously. ; ( You're not "contaminated," just human. Other men will still find you desireable as a love. Please ditch this negative view. You are a loveable woman. I've been constantly apologizing since he first told me he was disturbed. I've been doing whatever i can and i truly regretting for going clubbing too. That once, wrecked our whole relationship. And we've, made love. I know it's really inappropriate to have premarital sex but i don't regret this. For we're mentally married. Kleenex, I understand this view and have no problem with couples having sex before marriage, in terms of committed, monogomous sex. But in reality, you two aren't married, no matter how much one of you may think you two are joined in matrimony (without the marital promises). Either one of you could call-off the planned wedding at any time. Neither of you has control over the other... so be careful who you give your body to... Please don't take this as some puppy love kind of thing. It really isn't. As Asians, we tend to be more conservative. Anyway, after making love with him, i can't just, ditch the relationship like that. I feel that it's a sign of love now that we're together. Teenagers having sex, that's entirely normal, even among Christians, who aren't perfect either and have sexual desires just like everyone else. So don't feel the world is coming to an end here. Became a believer in college, a year or so after having sex with my GF at 17... Wasn't really a Christian in HS (she was Catholic), both of us still felt enormous guilt ... (I consider that my biggest life regret) ... As I had trouble forming real relationships until 26, wrongly believed I was being "punished" in my 20s for that HS sex... Methinks God understands all this. That HS GF, BTW, later married and has a family. I married later in my 30s... About having sex before marriage, since you take your beliefs seriously, just ask God to forgive you. God knows your heart. God loves you and forgives you and He doesn't want you to live your life in shame. You don't have to marry this man in order for God to forgive you. If you've asked Him, then God has already forgiven you. You do not have to work hard to try to make this man forgive you for whatever he is holding against you so he will marry you. No. BetheButterfly offers some good advice here. My advice: Try to cool the sex. Don't make sex the big part of your relationship. Try to solve the issues in your relationship before getting sexually involved again. Sex involves trust and there's been too much mistrust on both sides here. Plus, you two are committed Christians... Edited July 4, 2011 by Floridaman
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