IceIceBaby Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I am 29 and my boyfriend is 33. We've been together for almost a year now. This weekend I went out for drinks with his sister and my cousin. I know his sister pretty well at this point and have gone out with her several times so this hasn't been a problem before. Basically my cousin asked me how things were with my b/f and I said good except I'm having some issues with what I consider to be inappropriate emails/messages to other girls. No cheating, just messages that shouldn't be happening as far as I'm concerned. I didn't really go into much detail because I didn't want to make his sister uncomfortable. Before I knew it she started weighing in on the topic telling me she thinks that's how he'll be for the rest of his life. Then she started bringing up his ex and she said she thought he never greived her and the end of their relationship, and that she doesn't even think he should be dating anyone right now. She even went on to say that she wouldn't be surprised if he went on to marry someone out of convenience and because the timing was right at his age. Needless to say this was all shocking to me and a whole lot of information at once. And I couldn't help but feel hurt because I felt like we had gotten really close in the past couple of months and he had started bringing up the topic of marraige with me. My cousin keeps telling me she was just drunk and she can be a b**** sometimes. I definitely don't want to judge him on things that are just her opinion of the situation and the picture of him she painted is not at all what I see. Now I'm not really sure what to do with all of this. I don't feel like I can go to my b/f because then it's like I'm ratting out his sister and any trust between me and her is gone. But it's making me crazy and overthink everything. Any thoughts? Should I just keep this to myself and toss everything she said out of my head?
HappyPanda Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 How drunk was she? Is she a dependable person? Also, have you said anything to HIM about these fishy emails? I know personally, I have had opinions about the rate at which MY brother jumps from gal to gal... most notably the woman he is dating now (he had gotten out of a 5 year relationship, and started dating her within 3 mos, they now live together) when they first started dating, I was extremely sceptical about the relationship, whether or not he truly loved her, or if she was a band aid.... now, almost a year later... I truly never seen him happier. And I adore her. If you havent had any inclination up until this point that he is still hung up on his ex, or that he is dating you our of "convenience" I would try my best to take what she said with a grain of salt...
dangerstranger Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Wow, she said some crappy and inappropriate things to you and being drunk isn't an excuse. I have a brother, and I know a lot about him- but not everything. I don't know what lies beneath all his motivations. She's not present in your relationship. She may have insight into his past situations, and can perhaps provide some insight into some of his patterns, but she had no right to blurt those things out. Is it possible she is bitter about things in her own life? People that are unhappy often like to provide a negative point of view, so it's important to consider the source. On the other hand, the inappropriate e-mails are a red flag and not something to push aside or write off as harmless. What kind of e-mails is he writing to other women?
Author IceIceBaby Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 That's kind of what I was thinking. Sure she knows about his past relationship and the dynamics of that relationship, but she doesn't know our relationship that well yet. He was with his ex for 7 or 8 years, so I'm sure she took a while to get over...but that was 4 years ago. She was pretty drunk and to be honest I don't think I know her well enough to say if she's dependable or not. She is 28 and single and hasn't ever had a boyfriend, so maybe she's just miserable. But she's one of those girls who's not a typical girl. When I told her about the flirty emails, she didn't see the big deal in it. Her take on it was that she wouldn't care as long as her boyfriend came home to her every night. And yes, I have spoken to my boyfriend about the emails. The emails are flirty, most of them to girls he has slept with in the past. They started back when we first started dating and stopped for a while. Then there was one about a month ago where a girl he hooked up with while traveling for work asked him when he was coming down to visit her and that she would take off from work and get a hotel room. His response was "sounds good, its all up in the air now". He said he was just trying to dodge her in hopes she'd go away. I honestly don't believe he had any intention of going to see this girl, but I don't understand because if that we me I would have mentioned the fact that I was in nearly year long relationship. It's just frustrating because I deep down I know he'd never sleep with someone else or even go out with someone else...but the emails hurt just as much. This last time I told him it had to stop and told him how much it hurt me and he genuinely seemed sorry and said he would do whatever it took to make things work. I just don't know if some people are just like that and can't change because it's their personality. He says he writes stuff and doesn't even think about what he's writing and never thinks about it again. When I told his sister she totally understood what he was saying and said she's the same way. It's weird, the whole family is so similar like that.
Star Gazer Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 If there's ever been a case for talking to your SO about an issue first, rather than LS or someone else, this is it. Talk to your BF about what his sister said.
Sabali Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Red flags pop up in relationships all of the times. People ignore them or play them down. Later in the relationship, they get hit by the Mack truck and ask "what in the hell just happened?"
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