Groomer25 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I have been dating a man for 8 months. I know he is a commitment phobe, so I have been clear that I am not looking for marriage again or even living together. It was his decision on exclusivity in November. We were so close, best friends, confidantes, and lovers. Ever since his divorce was finalized two months ago, he started distancing himself. When we met, he had stopped drinking. I knew that he smoked pot occasionally. He knows I don't do any drugs but never criticized him for doing it. He recently has become very emotionless, mean, and at times I found him looking scruffy when he is normally dressed for business. My doctor prescribed Xanax for me for anxiety, and I didn't take it because I don't like that kind of stuff. He asked me if I would trade him a Xanax for an Oxy. I said "Huh?? No.." He took an Oxy with dinner and was dropping things and broke a glass. There were several more comments about Xanax also the next few weeks. He is short on money now and I noticed he is not hungry or thirsty. In the past, I would make very nice dinners for us, but he never wants me to any more. Also, he is no longer interested in sex, which confused me until I talked to people about Oxy. The past few weekends, he said he was busy, but I know he is home by himself. I have been told addicts do this so they can stay high all weekend. I was so hurt thinking he didn't want to be with me. Out of the blue, he tells me he is not in love with me and is not willing to work on our relationship. He said, "We tried, we tried.." I was shocked to put it mildly. Friends tell me he tried to be in a clean relationship and can't do it between the alcohol, the pot, and the pills, and that he is letting me go so he doesn't hurt me because he is starting to go down. He has some sexy nighties of mine and I told him to throw them out, I don't want them, and he was very angry. I said, "If we're done, that's it, dump them" and he won't do it. I have gone NC for two weeks and he still has a number of my things. He is not the type of person to keep them; I don't know what all of this means. I'm wondering if I was the "winter blues" girl and now that his divorce is final, he wants to play the field, and I've become too comfortable. For all of you relationship experts out there, I am a newbie to the dating scene being legally separated, so please explain this to me!! With this substance abuse which he hid A LOT from me, I'm saddened that I had to find a lot of it out on my own. I'm also wondering if he would be happier with a girl who approves of this, as he told me he is "uncomfortable" now with our relationship. Should I just forget the rest of my stuff and call it a day? I feel so sad, so used, and really clueless about the drug thing. He made it seem so "once in a while" and innocent until he couldn't hide it any more. I still don't get the sudden leaving..your comments would be helpful, and thanks, guys...
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