sweetlife Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Oh my gosh, had all the thread type and ready to be submitted and it log me out. Any ways, been a dedicated reader of LS but post very little. Some of you might had read my story and from very little details that I had posted and explain my situation, it is been good to read here and give me some insight of my H thinking,. Thank you all for replying on my thread and to everyone that share their story. Having a hard time understanding why H. feel responsible for the OM knowing that real reason to why the A. continue. Just to explain a little further, and for you to know more details so you can give me some input. Working with the OM we became good friends but recognizing where the mistake started, it was due to the two of us sharing intimate things from both of our spouses (I am very ashamed of that). Now, it has been nine mo since d day and as most people have share here, there is days that go good and others that we go back to zero. It is getting very frustrating for both of us because i still come across continuing to be selfish and hate myself for that. The least thing I want to do is keep offending my H. but how do I do it. Focusing on what I don’t do gets me in trouble again and again. Here is how and I get him upset by my answers. Having explain the reason for the A. which was poor sex life(yes, I know that I should of spoken about it and not make such poor decisions). H bring up the subject a lot and it sounds like he is blaming himself for that. I tried to explain that he is not to blame at all for my doing and that even when he wanted to know a reason which I was not telling him(not b’se, I did not want to tell him) but precisely due to the reason that I did not wanted him to blame himself for it. I don’t know if I’m making since here…but is there another way to not put it ? Another thing that i cant seem to make him feel is that there is no contact at all with the om. I’ve offer to put a key logger on the computer, to check my email, to put a track devise on my car but he does not want to. It seems as if he wants to desperately trust me but does not want to be pro-active with the things that he could do. I mess up big time again after A because after I started reading here on LS, I know that it was only fair to do what he would ask of me to do with out any hesitations(I keep on messing up again). Now, there is a new thing he is asking me to do. He wants me to call the om and tell him why I kept going with the A after the 1st,2nd ,3rd and so on times. I ask him why(so know I am making him more upset) because I asked why to call the om. So why does he want me to call the om? His reason is: the other man deserves to know the true.. but why is his mind does he feel responsible for what the om deserves or not? Please forgive me for this been so long and hope I make sense because if I don’t then there is no wonder why my H can’t understand me either.… any body with any input is welcome, and thank you in advance for it
OldOnTheInside Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 (edited) So why does he want me to call the om? His reason is: the other man deserves to know the true.. but why is his mind does he feel responsible for what the om deserves or not?If I may ask, why does it matter to you? If you want your H's forgiveness and he believes that this will help in the recovery process in some way...then do it. I would also expect your husband to be behaving irrationally too. After all, his previous image and trust in you is now completely crushed. It's going to hurt. Edited June 6, 2011 by OldOnTheInside
John Michael Kane Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 If I may ask, why does it matter to you? If you want your H's forgiveness and he believes that this will help in the recovery process in some way...then do it. I would also expect your husband to be behaving irrationally too. After all, his previous image and trust in you is now completely crushed. It's going to hurt. And from your post, it seems you're not willing to accept full responsibility for your actions.
Author sweetlife Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 If I may ask, why does it matter to you? ************************************ please do not see this answers as been stupid nor that i am worring about om but why it matter to me as you ask, it is bse om's spouse. well, now hearing myself write that: why i am concern with the om's spouse then my H? gezz, I am just a mess. Thank you for asking that, you got me thinking..
Recommended Posts