animation Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Hey guys, I'm having a bit of a dilema that has been going on for a few weeks now. My girlfriend started speaking to this guy that she'd previously slept with again, at first she lied to me about who he was, but I knew something was up and told her that if I found out she was lying I was going to kick off, she then told me the truth. He'd added her on facebook again and messaged her saying he was sorry. I told her, that as she has no history with the guy other than sleeping with him and they'd never been friends I wasn't really cool with the situation because she had no reason to be talking to him, she eventually understood why I was getting so wound up about it and she deleted him. She told me that he'd sent her a message saying sorry, and she'd replied saying it was fine and all was forgiven and that was that, I asked if that was the only messages sent and she promised me that was all. Now, I'm not one to pry usually, I'm a great believer in trust, although sometimes I let my doubts get on top of me. In this instance I did, she'd told me her password a few months back, and must have forgotten she had told me, and I never checked up on her once, until this day - I looked at her messages and realised she'd been having a coversation with him all day, nothing in particular just insignificant chat, and that's what got me. She had lied, and risked a lot when she could have just told me the truth and I wouldn't have really minded. Also, when she deleted him (which was a few days after they'd became re-aquanted) she told me he messaged her asking why she'd done so and she told me she said it was because she didn't see it appropriate. Another lie, she actually told him it was me that had done so. The dilema I'm having is, I still haven't told her I know, I don't want to throw it in her face and make a scene, I love her to pieces and I'm trying to work out whether it's worth risking everything over this (like she did) and bringing it up, knowing that it could possibly finish us or to just leave it and try to work out why she lied. I shouldn't have checked up on her, it was wrong of me. However, if I hadn't I'd never have known. I want her to understand that doing things like that de-values us and destroys trust, yet I don't want her to know I was busy hacking in to her account and being a hipocrite. Just to make things clear, this isn't about facebook at all, it's about the actions she took and the pointless lies to cover something up that didn't even need to be. I hope you can help, Animation.
zuzuzoggins Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 her chatting with a guy she once slept with on facebook is really trivial..now if she was sending flirty messages or planning to meet up with him that's something else...I would stop worrying and enjoy the relationship..it's up to you whether you tell her..I've always been a fan of honesty but it's actually meant I've lost people on many occasions over stupid mistakes, sometimes it;s better not to be too open.you need to work on building trust cos mistrust will just drive her away
zuzuzoggins Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 seems she only lied cos she didnt want you to make a big thing out of nothing and to protect your feelings....someone once told me...never read another's diary unless you want to open a whole can of worms....can u honestly say you are 100%loyal every minute of the day in your thoughts , never even checking out another woman...thing is she chatted with this guy but i doubt she intended on it going further , seems like just a meaningless flirt to me
Author animation Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 hey, I guess you're right. It's not even what she did that has bothered me though, it's that she looked me in the eyes and straight up lied. I've never been dishonest with her.
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