ilikegirls Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 so ive been with my girlfriend a year and half, this month. and i love her. when im with her i have the time of my life, when im away from her i miss her. we dont usually fight, but once in a while we have like a "bad week" that we will argue over stupid little things. but we always get through them. so my girlfriend is very proud, for a lack of better word like i cant give her criticism about anything or her feelings get hurt and she get upset. or if she is doing something wrong, if i tell her she will get upset. anyways. we are in college and im having problems with my roommates. the one roommate (hes gay) i stopped talking to him because of a stupid argument, she is close with him, hes in a lot of her classes. i dont really have a problem with that. however. he always says negative things about me and she doesnt say much to back me up. she just listens. she always tells me later what he said. but i wish she would back me up especially since im not there. other time i almost got into a fight with another roomate. after the fact she tried to calm me down. but the things she says just doesnt make me feel better. like i want to hear: "dont worry about him, hes wrong" and stuff like that but she says: "dont worry about him, im sure he had a good reason for doing what he did" i feel like she never takes my side for anything. one more all my roomates me and my girl got lunch which was fine. then while eating i was having a debate over the cost of something i bought(which i clearly know the price i paid) with somone, then auotmatically everyone picked sides. then it became everyone against me. and my girlfriend just sits there and doesnt say anything. while people are tearing me apart. like i dont know what to do. i love her. but i just feel that she doesnt ever back me up. i feel like she doesnt have my back for stuff like that. this kind of stuff happend all the time. i usually just ignore it. but it really bothers me. and i know brining this up will just spark an argument, because i mentioned it to her before and she got really upset and mad. but nothing happend from it.
Sabali Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Sometimes, we all just have to sit back and take a realistic assessment of ourselves. If we don't do this and always look to point fingers, we can never improve. Right? Lets take into account the things you explained here: 1. You and your girlfriend arguing over stupid things. Arguing is a waste of time and energy. Period. I can see why you would argue about important issues but there is absolutely no good reason at all to argue over "stupid little things." 2. You can't give your girlfriend "criticism" without her getting her feelings hurt. - Could it be you are just too plain critical of your girlfriend and that you are saying hurtful things to her? 3. You are "having problems with your roommates." -Okay, we are getting dangerously close to seeing a trend here. You stopped talking to your roommate because of a "stupid argument." Why are you not talking to someone you live with because of a stupid argument? That is not a good reason to not stop talking to someone. The argument was stupid. Right? 4. You got into a fight with another roommate. -Okay, you are just fighting and arguing with everyone in your path. 5. Now you are "debating" over something your bought. Everyone took the side against you. Could it be because you are very antagonistic and can be difficult to get along with at times? So man, your girlfriend does not take your side because she believes that you are wrong most of the time. She feels that you can be difficult. She tells you what your roommate says about you to show that not only does she think you are wrong but others do as well. She is giving you a hint to improve your attitude. I don't think you should blame her. Your relationship is on a timer.
bikinibeach Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Sometimes, we all just have to sit back and take a realistic assessment of ourselves. If we don't do this and always look to point fingers, we can never improve. Right? Lets take into account the things you explained here: 1. You and your girlfriend arguing over stupid things. Arguing is a waste of time and energy. Period. I can see why you would argue about important issues but there is absolutely no good reason at all to argue over "stupid little things." 2. You can't give your girlfriend "criticism" without her getting her feelings hurt. - Could it be you are just too plain critical of your girlfriend and that you are saying hurtful things to her? 3. You are "having problems with your roommates." -Okay, we are getting dangerously close to seeing a trend here. You stopped talking to your roommate because of a "stupid argument." Why are you not talking to someone you live with because of a stupid argument? That is not a good reason to not stop talking to someone. The argument was stupid. Right? 4. You got into a fight with another roommate. -Okay, you are just fighting and arguing with everyone in your path. 5. Now you are "debating" over something your bought. Everyone took the side against you. Could it be because you are very antagonistic and can be difficult to get along with at times? So man, your girlfriend does not take your side because she believes that you are wrong most of the time. She feels that you can be difficult. She tells you what your roommate says about you to show that not only does she think you are wrong but others do as well. She is giving you a hint to improve your attitude. I don't think you should blame her. Your relationship is on a timer. you're a quick one, you are! great advice, i'll have to hit you up for help in the future (hopefully won't need it though...)
93TheHitStick Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 She can't take criticism? I would hand her the pink slip. The best thing you could do is just ask her. You didn't really give that many examples. And i notice all your examples are with you and your friends. So maybe she just doesn't feel like she should take sides or pick fights against your friends. If i am dating a girl and her and her best friend get in a huge fight i'll console her but i'm not gonna sit there and talk crap about her best friend. And i'm not going to jump into a fight between her and her friends either. Your girlfriend isn't your bro. You shouldn't expect her to just jump in on your side of any argument. And the thing is she might just think you are always wrong. Plain and simple.
Star Gazer Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Is she not taking your side and supporting you in public? Or is she just giving you constructive feedback behind closed doors? For me, it's always been important to me that my SO and I present ourselves to others as a unified front, but behind closed doors in private, I want us to be honest - even if that means hearing I effed up somehow. Like a boxing coach - supporting and cheering for you when you're in the ring actually fighting, but back in the corner telling you when you're throwing all the wrong punches.
Author ilikegirls Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 Sometimes, we all just have to sit back and take a realistic assessment of ourselves. If we don't do this and always look to point fingers, we can never improve. Right? Lets take into account the things you explained here: 1. You and your girlfriend arguing over stupid things. Arguing is a waste of time and energy. Period. I can see why you would argue about important issues but there is absolutely no good reason at all to argue over "stupid little things." 2. You can't give your girlfriend "criticism" without her getting her feelings hurt. - Could it be you are just too plain critical of your girlfriend and that you are saying hurtful things to her? 3. You are "having problems with your roommates." -Okay, we are getting dangerously close to seeing a trend here. You stopped talking to your roommate because of a "stupid argument." Why are you not talking to someone you live with because of a stupid argument? That is not a good reason to not stop talking to someone. The argument was stupid. Right? 4. You got into a fight with another roommate. -Okay, you are just fighting and arguing with everyone in your path. 5. Now you are "debating" over something your bought. Everyone took the side against you. Could it be because you are very antagonistic and can be difficult to get along with at times? So man, your girlfriend does not take your side because she believes that you are wrong most of the time. She feels that you can be difficult. She tells you what your roommate says about you to show that not only does she think you are wrong but others do as well. She is giving you a hint to improve your attitude. I don't think you should blame her. Your relationship is on a timer. all these things are like a year spread out. there are just examples that popped into my head. our arguments where unrelated to any of this. every couple has their arguements whether they are healthy or not. i am not critical at all. in fact i avoid giving my opinion to her at all costs. we have an art class together and when we have the teacher gives contructive crit to her she get mad and secretly tears up inside. i can see it, but others cant. this doesn't just go for school or me.when anyone does it about any topic. *she knows she is like this we discussed it before yes i had arguement with my roomate. he was just being a dick to me, so i comfronted him. then he just stopped talking to me -now he says bad things about me to my GF and she just reports, she doesnt stick up for me yes i had a problem with another roomate because he keeps locking my out of the room. and even when i asked him not to lock it, he still does. you may be a bit right for the last one, but still, i was fending for myself. and she could have chimed in to prove me right, cus she knew -- later when we talk about situations alone, she is very clear on telling me if i was right or wrong for my actions or whatever. and how she feels. its just that i want her to be there for me while in need.
Sabali Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 its just that i want her to be there for me while in need. There is nothing wrong with this. This is one of the crucial reasons we take part in relationships anyway. Right? The bottom line here is this: Your significant other should want to be there for you when you need her. She should feel an overwhelming feeling of wanting to do so without you having to ask her. I don't think it is a good sign that you must address this and ask her to take your side. There is something wrong when this is not automatically done by someone who you have been dating for a year. You can't make someone take your side or reason them into wanting to take your side. It has to be in their heart. Why isn't it in her heart?
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